The Brat and The She Devil-Episode 16

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1995

Brian felt a splash of cold water on his face, once , twice and then the third one he shakes himself abruptly rising up..using his hands to clean the water from his face.
Who is the fool who is pouring water on him, he would have his head, he would slam his fist into his face so hard his face would turn into a deflated dough of bread…he would-
What the actual fxxk was he doing on the floor and why is everyone gathering him and staring at him..
Wait!! What was he doing here…this wasn’t his home in the states, nor his house in Nigeria where his parents lived nor even the hotel he had been put up since he got into Port Harcourt and being forced to work as a PA.
An actuall PA to someone who turns out to be a woman. A bitter feisty woman..
A woman who was a…
AAAHH!!
A WITCH!!
ADORA CHIME WAS A WITCH OF THE HIGHEST WIZARDLY ORDER.
But what was he doing on the floor..?

AHHH IT WAS THAT WITCH!!
But this wasn’t his father’s company, no…this was…this was a club and people were staring at him funny and someone was clapping her hands and calling him an “’OLOSHI”’ she looks like the waitres who served him drinks..
And ..why was she pointing at him and then the Pos she was carrying and then showing about five cards in her hands and pointing at him and telling people who wore black suits and they looked heavier than Mike Tyson, John Cena and the Rock put together..
And..why did he feel like their menacing stares at him wasn’t going to end well?
What the fxxk was he doing here??.

The noise, the noise was making his head hurt, the music was so loud, their voices too…and the girl..the beautiful girl on the chair staring at him right now with disgust..
Wait…wasn’t she touching his…his Big Johnson a moment ago and rubbing it so bad he was having the biggest boner tonight.
Yes!! He remembers, they were about to go back to his place and she was going to wear his shirt and nothing underneath and he was going to have some oohh-ahhh-yeah-baby-hit-it-hard-fun and then…
Yes!!
He had wanted to pay the bill. Yes the bill and..and
“’Sorry Sir, all your accounts has been completely frozen by your father, indefinitely, you cannot make any transactions on your cards, not a dime. Orders are from your father Sir, i am sorry”’ Jude’s voice replays back to him
EWOOO!!! IT’S A LIE!!!!
This must be a dream, a dream, a bad joke.. a really bad joke.
He gets up, adjusts himself..
“”Sir, you don wake? Ehen security as i was saying, i don’t know whether he didn’t have money before he came here or he was looking to impress these hookers here, it’s none of my business, all i know is that he is owing me a hundred and fifty kay, let him pay na he is giving me Atm cards that is being declined. Person get up to five accounts and all of them declined?
Which can yarnings be that, pay the money he said he wants to call his accountant, i don’t know what his accountant told him but the dude faint abi him dey pretend to faint. I don pour am three glasses of water, good thing him don wake..biko help me tell am to pay eim money because i don’t want to lose my job. where i won get one hundred and fifty thousand from naw? how i won put mouth tell madam say boy chop no pay? Biko that is why i have called you people oh…make am pay oh”’ the waitress finishes
The three securities turns to Brian who swallows “”Gentlemen, i believe there is a misunderstanding and if you give me a second i swear i would clarify it, really, a little patience and all will be cleared up

immediately”’Brian says
“”Na who you dey speak big grammer for, pay your bill let us not have a scene in here, as you can see,we get plenty guests”’ the bigger one states flexing his chests, Brian swallows again. He looks around for Ikena, he was nowhere to be seen
This was not good, this was not good.
“”Sure, a minute let me place another call”’ Brian says turning away. he calls his two other banks accountant , they told him the same thing “’Damnit!!’’ he exclaims
“’We are waiting!!’’ the men call out
“’Yes yes, i am just making a few calls, just a misunderstanding. I can pay your money okay, no need for a scene i am sure there is just a network problem, no issue”’ Brian says as he backs them making another call

Pick up man, Pick up.
No answer.
He dials again and again
“’Hello?”’ the deep voice fills the phone
‘’Father, it’s me Brian”” he breaths
“”Oh i know Brian, i only have a stupid son with that name, what do you want Brian??’’
“”Okay,i know i messed up today and i am sorry but i cannot believe you went through with your bluff , what the fxck dad, do you know-“”
“’i have not the patience nor the time to listen to your little rants, why are you calling me Brian?”” his father demands
Brian closes and opens his eyes “”Dad, please can you unfreeze my accounts, i am in abit of a situation right now, i bought some things and i need to pay them…and all my cards has been declined and they say the order is from you, can you please-‘’
“’NO. If you have issues Brian, deal with it. Afterall you are a man right. Well, welcome to responsibilities and bullshits Brian Andrews, don’t call me again”’
The line goes dead.
No no no no! this wasn’t happening no!
He dials again and again… his line was disconnected.
DAMMNIT!!
He rubs his head!
Mother!!
He calls her number ..
“”Hello!! Mummy, i need your help”’ he breaths as she picks
“What is it Son, you sound distressed””
“’It’s because i am,can you believe your husband freezed my accounts, that old bat freezed my accounts.
Mummy speak to him please, i am stranded and this hoodlums are going to break my legs, come on, i am his son for shits sake, he shouldn’t play like that, i apologised and see what he did. Mummy please tell him to unfreeze my accounts and i have bills to pay, please’’
“”How much is it Brian?””
“’A hundred and Fifty!!”
He hears a snort at the background , “”Jonathan, he is being serious”” his mother says away from the phone
Oh, so he is listening, GOOD.
His mother would talk to him, she wouldn’t allow him suffer like this,No!.
“’Tell him he is a man so he should handle his business Lolo”” he heard his father saying
“”Brian, you know i love you but my hands are tied”’ his mother speaks to him again
“”Mother,this is serious, they are going to break my legs and ..kill me, you want me to die??”’
“”A dead son is better than an irresponsible one”” his father’s voice is heard
“’oh stop it Jonathan”” His mother cautions “’Let me send you the money”

“’Oh thank you mother’’
“”You will do no such thing, none!””

his father’s voice is higher and next thing it’s closer as he assumes his father has taken the phone
“’Deal with your mess, you buy you pay. Clean a toilet if you have too i don’t care, no more untill you start being responsible and another thing, untill you actually do your work in the office before you will get paid, same salary as everyone else, no preferential treatment..none.

GOODNIGHT BRIAN!!’’
Line goes dead
‘’Damnit!!’’
’’Wait oh, are you deliberately keeping us waiting so you can stale us and then run? Is that it, guy?”’ the other guy in black asks Brian
Brian drops his phone into his pocket and turning… his forehead breaking out in clear sweats.. he blinks then swallows
“’No ofcourse not. I was making some calls and—“”
“’Ýou have been making calls for the past couple of minutes and i haven’t seen money materialize and fall like manner from heaven”’
“’ erm.. i just need to call my driver and erm-“’ he brings out his phone and searches for Ikena’s number,
“’dude, if you don’t bring that money in five minutes ..i will begin to use my fist to design your pretty boy face”’ the first guy says
“’One minute please…one minute”’
Why wasn’t the damn fool picking, the hell Ikena! pick up the damn phone and come help me out of this mess, Jesus!!!
“’madam, na you follow am come?”’ the third man turns to the girl seated on the chair
“’Me? Follow who come? Do i look like a girl who follow broke guys, i don’t even know the dude sef, never ,never met him in my entire life, infact sef he was forcing me to go to his place with him sef and i was trying to put him down nicely sef”” the girl says

Brian looks up at her in shock, a minute ago she was making conversations with Big Johnson and ready to go stark nark with his shirt, now she doesn’t know him?
This is how it feels when you are at the top and everyone flocks around you and then when you hit rock bottom, what happens?
Everyone leaves you, denies you, even hookers who was touching you a minute ago and having her friends order heaven and earth on your bills.
Two-faced!!
He was never talking or picking up girls again.
Pick up damn fool Ikena !!! pick up!!
“’but it was you and your friends that helped the bill to climb to heaven na eh, all these girls, them hear money dem gather like bees to honey, na you won run, epp your boyfriend pay bill na, contribution we go accept, we too alike akawo”’ the waitress says, the securities laugh
“why will i contribute, what for. Person no get money, person want woman. Na money for hand, body for ground”’ the girls says rolling her eyes and picking her bag
“’Ehen, you fed your tummy first and the tanks your friends had for belle and was romancing the boy there dey confuse am, how him won take get sense? Maybe him na pauper with borrowed cloths, maybe him thief him oga’s own…he probably came here to drink one beer but you and your fellow skanks confused him with boobies and padded ass, his brain fries and he forgets that he doesn’t have a naira to his name…na only your kind Angel Gabriel dey set hot coal, plus burning larva and red fires for hell for you when you dey.. my friend come and help your bobo pay him money oh, a hundred and fifty kay is not beans, free chopper”” the waitress says accusingly
“’i have mouth to eat, them offer i eat. I ain’t gonna pay no bills for nobody, excuse me!”’ with that she sighs, shaking her waist and then clears.. “’i don’t know the fool, he should pay his damn bills”’ with that she leaves

Brian is staring at her…
He is thinking, thinking of what to do
“”Bros, even your hoe gat no love for you’’ they are laughing
Brian is dialling his father’s number and then his mother’s again. Both switched off.
Ikena’s number keeps ringing.
Who else does he know that he could call.. who?
He doesn’t exactly have friends, even the ones he does have are in the states. And who would want to give him money and even if they would, before he would get anyone to do a transfer now and then get it changed is like a fat man going through a tiny hole.
He sighs.
Brian Andrews, is this what your life has been reduced to? First forced back into the country to work..not just to work but as a PA, now, he was being reduced to nothing more than a church rat.
Father i can’t believe you did this to me, i apologised. I am sorry.

Really, please just call me or just..just fix this.
He prays
“’Guy, pull this guy for nicka make we dey go””
“’No no wait, try the cards again, try it again please ..”” Brian pleads moving out of their reach
“’There is no money there”’ the waitress says
“”Please “’ he repeats
She tries all five, still declined.
Damnit!!
“Outside now, we would show you what we do to people who order and don’t pay, “” they hold on to him,
“”please wait, don’t embarrass me, you don’t even know who i am, you don’t even know if i am the son of a very important person, you don’t know me..you don’t know who i am. Look i am not a bad guy, it’s a misunderstanding and if you give me sometime i swear i will handle this ..please”’ he begs
They already held him by his trousers lifting him from the ground..
“”We don’t need to know.Only me i am hitler and death together “’ the first one says pulling Brian outside..the waitress is clapping for him, to pay his money, the three guys are dragging Brian outside, but Brian doesn’t want to go outside, bad things happen to people outside..No!!
he is struggling with them..
Their voices are increasing, the guests are murmuring and getting uncomfortable with the scene.
Across the room, Ikena is seated watching and on the phone
“Sir, what’s your order?’’’he asks
“As long as they are not harming him, stand down, do not help him. He should be able to be responsible for his actions. I will refuse to come to his aid every time. He should clear up his mess”’
“’it looks as though they are going to cause bodily harm to him Sir”’ ikena says from where he is hiding from view
Mr Jonathan Andrews sighs “’Untill it gets out of hands, stand down “’
‘’Yes sir . but the bill, do i take care of it?”’
“’No!! He has to clean up his own mess. I don’t care how. Goodnight “”
“’Goodnight sir”’
The line dies
Ikena raises up his head and stares as Brian is struggling with them..
“”Guy go outside now”’ someone says
“’leave am, him no get money him won eat and bone chick”’ someone laughs
“”Chia, see fine boy is embarrassing himself like this? Poverty is a bastard””
“’Chei, doesn’t he have anyone he can call to help him?”’
“”You that is talking na, you go and help him na””
“You are mad, do i know him?”
“’You should have taught about that before saying people should go and help him”” counter attack

Everyone is talking..
The noise is loud and Brian is fidgeting. Ordinarily, he would have been very confident ..
But money to a man is like super powers, when you don’t have it, you find yourself naked and devoid of status.
Claiming status right now would land him in harm, he has to plead and beg and do anything to get out of this mess.
“’Guy remove your hand from the door!!’’ they pull but Brian wouldn’t let go
“’No! no wait. I want to…wait na ..abeg!!!’’ Brian is struggling, hanging from the door,
“’Punch am, punch him face””
“please abeg, i have money, i have money please. Okay wait, here…my watch,my watch”” Brian begs “’It’s an original swatch, over two hundred kay, my shoes is Italian,…my

shirt..infact …take it all take it all”’
The ruckus was too much that suddenly the waitress gasps as she looks up to see someone coming down

‘’Now i will surely get fired for this.

Oga pay your money,please i beg you”” the waitress cries..
‘’what’s going on here?’’ the manager, a woman in her late thirties dressed in a black plait dress asks coming towards them
“’Madam, this fool doesn’t want to pay his money madam ma”’
She stares at Brian hanging as they hold him above the ground and his hands holding the door not wanting to leave..
“’Drop the young man down Gesto, i don’t employ animals as securities”’ she says as they obey dropping down Brian, who tries to adjust his cloths
“’Thank you Ma’am”’
“”Do not thank me, i have guests here and i will not tolerate this, not in my place. I would ask nicely sir that you pay what you owe so that you can leave this place and not make other’s here uncomfortable.. “’
“’Ma’’am the problem is-”’
“’The problem is that all his cards were being declined, he has no money in his wallet. And he dared to order for himself worth a hundred and fifty thousand. He has refused to pay ma and he is proving stubborn ma”’ the waitress says
“’Actually i had just one drink, the ladies however-“’
“’Shut up!!’’ Gesto orders Brian
The manager turns to Brian, “’It that so young man?”’
Brian opens his mouth to say something in his defence but nothing comes out ‘’I will pay “’
“’How?’’
“’my watch, my shoes, it cost’s a ton, much more than that bill”’
‘’Are you trying to insult what we sell here?”’ she frowns
“”No!! No ma’am, i don’t mean to…i just . look this is a misunderstanding and i swear it wasn’t intentional. I do have money but it is stuck, my father—“’
“’oh a daddy’s boy, how old are you, aren‘t you too old to be a daddy’s boy, depending on daddy’s money? Isn’t that what you were about to say, your father what?”’
Brian thins his lips instead “”My father erm..my father ..my father “”
“’Call the police Gesto,get him arrested, when he spends a night in the cell, his people would come bail him out and then they would pay for his bill too, get that slum out of my club”” she says turning away
“Please ma, maám please i’ll work, anything, i want to pay i swear, please, no one will come for me, please… i can’t pay the bill if i am in cell please,i will work if you want. But i swear it, my watch and shoes is enough payment, see”’ he takes off his watch, giving it to Gesto, the first big guy..
He passes it to his friend who takes a look “’It’s original. What do you do? Steal things from expensive people and flaunt things that aren’t yours?’’
“’It’s mine””Brian says
“’Na yahoo boy him be “’ the third concludes “’Maga no dey pay again oh..”’
‘’the value for that watch might have gone down, this isn’t enough “’ the lady says waving it away
“”I’ll give my shoes too, anything “’
‘’Take his shoes and anything valuable from him””
They grab him but Brian struggles from them “”i will do it myself please”’ he says stepping away, he takes off his shoes and then gave it to them “’My cloths too?”’
“”yes”’ the reply came
Brian, uncomfortably pulls off his cloths and infront of a few dozen people .. he is completely in his briefs
Someone in the crowd quickly whiffs out a camera , “”No pictures please, “” the manager states pointing to everyone
“’i do not desire to make a public specticle of you but this is a business, my business and money was spent to make this a reality and if you must come here , atleast pay for what you order and if you don’t have money…no one stops you from coming, just don’t eat, drink but look, dance and go home”’ she says
Brian is standing there, hands covering his bulge with his tiny brief on.
“”Atleast he got a rocking body, a sight for sore eyes”’ a girl from the crowd exclaims
Some other ladies murmurs their agreement, some people laugh
“’ i really don’t know how to go about selling your things to get my money young man, i don’t have that time nor patience“’ she sighs
“’madam, he can work for you to pay the bill”’ one of the guards suggests
“’Work? I can’t do that,i mean i can do that “’ Brian raises up his head
The manger smiles “’ the only available job at the moment is to clean the toilets, and help in the kitchen, yet even if you do that you get paid 10k a night … still won’t cover your bill young man””
“’Toilet, kitchen…No no madam, i –i can’t do those, never have i do does…i can’t! something else please “’ Brian states shaking his head
She chuckles “i believe you know the phrase ‘’A begger has no choice” young man, i will tell you what you will do and if you want to refuse i think you can magically cause my hundred and fifteen thousand to appear right now. Here are your options with pay attached to it. Cleaning of toilets and helping in the kitchen is ten thousand, being a waiter for the night is fifteen, bodyguards is ten thousand , stripper twenty thousand –“”
“’ i don’t mind to pay to watch that body do striptease on me”” another lady screams..
Ladies concurred
“’As i was saying, whatever you intend to pick still won’t amount to what you owe unless you have to work for me for …a week or two depending on the price of your option. That means every night by 8pm till past midnight and sometimes dawn..you will be here either moping off the vomit from the toilet floors or washing my toilet seats, or dressed as you are in your brief with a bowtie on your next waitering for me, or you will be given a costume to do a striptease for the VVIP lounge for strictly ladies only or i give you a uniform to guard my doors. So which would it be..?”’
None. None

Tbc