I was still weak to travel to Lusaka to receive Ben from the airport, so I decided to stay and wait for him. He had called hours before he board the plane. I felt a bit nervous I hadn’t seen him in a long time. Though I missed him I felt sad i had to blow the bad news to him. Given that I was still hurting, what more him who will have to experience the pain of loosing a child.
I went bathing and put on a short pencil dress. It was sleeveless so I threw a small jacket on top since the weather was a bit chilly. I received a call from a strange number an hour later.
” helo.” I answered preparing the kid’s food at 16 hours.
“hey love its me, am heading home now my sister just picked me up.”
” well that’s good” i responded.
” I can’t wait to see you” he said..
“same here” I felt happy but sad at the same time.
“anyway” I told myself
“whatever happens God is in control.”
I heard a knock an hour later.
“I will get it!” Tina shouted.
” okay then” I told her with a smile. I heard her scream
“it’s uncle Ben Jena, He’s asking for you!” She was excited
“am coming baby!” I responded putting down Mapalo who was dozing on my laps.
There he was standing before me looking hotter than ever.
“Ben!” i shouted, he ran and hugged me so tight
” I missed you love” he said in my ears.
“Am happy to see you Ben. welcome back” i smiled still holding him.
“Thanks love I dreamt of this moment? holding you in my arms like this” I smiled at him.
We were interrupted by Tina who stood behind me and tapped my back. We both looked at her and giggled.
“come on little one!” Ben called her “you are a big girl now, how old are you? ” he held her hand.
“6 years old !” she said excited. I motioned him to get inside and he gave me a..’what’ Look.
” it’s okey” I assured him, “everyone knows” I said holding his hands.
“hey hold on love” he pulled me back. “what do you mean they know?” He asked
“Its okey really” i said again, “i will explain everytbing.”
We went in and I showed him a seat. Aunty and uncle came in from work a few minutes later. Ben stood up and greeted them both.
“Ben?” Uncle asked him with a smile.
” yes uncle” he said extending his hand.
“you are welcome young man”
“Thank you” Ben answered
” how was your journey back home?” aunty asked him.
“It was okay mam, thank you.” I could see he wasn’t so free.. So I joined in.
“Ben just came to say hi” I told them.
“no problem” they answered in unison.
“well I must be going now” he spoke standing up.
“I will see him out” I said moving close to Ben.
“Well see you then” uncle smiled looking at Ben.
” remember to come by tomorrow, am sure Jena will be able to explain.” I looked at uncle and knew what he meant.
Outside, Ben told me to get in the car opening the door for me. he came driving his sister’s Rav 4. I sat in the passenger’s seat and watched him go round to the driver’s seat. He sat there and looked into my eyes.
” love what’s wrong with you?” he asked. “I can see sadness in your eyes, am here now okey?” he whispered touching my chick.
Tears rolled down my face touching his hands.
” no no please Jena don’t cry. please love tell me what’s wrong with you” he begged. I felt the pain in my heart pilling up. I broke down before the man I loved, hopelessly like a child. He moved closer and held me
” don’t do this Jena pIease, cnt bare seeing you cry”
I nodded but still couldnt stop crying. Ben shook his head before putting the key in the ignition and drove off.
I didn’t even have time to ask where we were going. I looked at his face but he didn’t look at me. His eyes were fixed on the road as he speed off heading to kafue. We moved in silence.
After about 25 minutes, he packed near the river bank. we had gone to that place several times before.
Ben held my hand as he led me out of the car. He walked me to the river,
” sit here” he instructed. I sat and he knelt before me, lifting my chin. He looked straight into my eyes.
“I love you Jena, do you believe that?” I nodded without saying a word.
“I want you to know that am here for you now and am not planning on leaving anytime soon okey?”
” Yeah” I responded,
“I love you too Ben” I finally said. He smiled widely,
” those are the best words I have heard in a long time, thank you for loving me Jena.”
“but I… ”
“shshsh” he touched my mouth, kissed me gently. I felt so much at home being so close to him. we kissed passionately for the next 5 minutes.
I withdrew feeling emotional. I couldnt forget my daughter with every second of the kiss her image popped up my head. I quickly stood up and faced away from him.
“what is it love?” Ben asked concerned.
” I have something to tell you Ben and I don’t know how you will take it.” he came and looked at my face.
“tell me Jena am all ears, what is it?”
we have a child Ben” I finally said. ” I was pregnant and discovered it after you were gone.” Ben let go of my hands looking at me
“what? ” He asked “a baby? Are you sure..?” He asked
“Yes Ben” I nodded. “I gave birth to our baby girl some 9 months ago.”
” well, my love that’s good news. I mean I didn’t expect that but, love, our baby? that’s incredible. wow!” he kissed me.
“my love you gave me a baby? That’s great.. well am a father.. thank you my love.” He kept kissing me happily.
” so where is she ? I can’t wait to see her.” He added excited.
“Ben I have not finished, am not with her, someone else took her. I mean I gave her away.” I murmured looking down my hands.
“Jena i don’t get it” he stated shocked.
“what do you mean you gave her away? Who did you give our girl love? please tell me.” I sat down and Ben came closer to me.
The next 30 minutes I went on explaining everything to him, by the time i was done…..