Knowing Alpha Episode 3


Sat behind my steering wheel, driving to school, I can’t stop smiling. Alpha Jordan, my newest and realest crush smiled at me. I’m on cloud nine. I have a feeling today will be the best day of the rest of my life. There will be more smiles where that came from.

I spot Alpha a distance away. Why does he walk to school? I understand that he doesn’t have a car, but can’t he take a bus or something? Surely he can afford that. Well, Whatever. My heart does a backward flip. I glance at the rear view mirror, just to make sure I still look my best.

Hair [√]

Lipgloss [√]

Foundation [√] And my brows are on point. Okay, I’m presentable.

I rehearse my most attractive smile. Here we go, Alpha Jordan. This is me giving you a ride. I catch up with him and slow down. I honk. Once, twice. Without turning around, he sidesteps and keeps walking. Why is he so frustrating? I honk again. Third time is the charm. He turns around. Almost immediately, he looks away and continues as though I were invisible.

Okay, now I feel really dumb. Why does he keep making me feel worthless all over again? Am I seriously that horrible? I wind down my glass and recite the words I rehearsed all night.

“I’m sorry about the coke thing.”

“Your apology means nothing,” he says.

Grateful that he isn’t looking at me, I grin. He just spoke to me! That’s something. I consult my mental to-do list.

Get him to talk to you [√]

Be his friend for a second or two [ ]

Win his heart [ ]

If this was a movie, I’d fast-forward to the third item.

“I’m really sorry,” I say, silently wishing I could skip this apology session. Saying sorry makes me feel like hammered shit. The cars behind are honking. Drivers curse at my snail’s pace. I play deaf. Alpha’s pace is my pace.

“What can I say?” he asks. “You’re a spoilt rich kid who threw her manners in the trash. Or wait, did you ever have any? I doubt. Daddy’s got money and all. You’re daddy’s little princess. I get it. I am not like you. Get that.”

He storms off. His rejection stings so bad, tears blur my vision. They streak out of my eyes, aiming to smudge my mascara. I smirk as a new plan forms in my head. Surely, he won’t reject me when I carry out this new plan.

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I fling my car into reverse and hurry home to change into ordinary clothes. Although I don’t know why I have such cheap, plain clothes, I’m glad I have them. I scrub off my makeup and style my hair in a careless pony. Just like Katie. Wow, I see her in me. Gross. Alpha will be so stupefied, he won’t know what hit him. Come on Alpha, look how hard I try to get close to you. You are seriously so frustrating.

Leaving behind my car, I walk to school. I want to feel what he feels when he walks to and fro this road every day. I just hope this isn’t all for nothing. Half-way into the trek, I already regret making this dreadful decision. I’ve never used my legs like this. And now, they’re starting to groan.

A heavenly growl forces me to acknowledge the darkening sky. Nature gives me no time to assimilate this. It unleashes a downpour, drenching me to the bones. I arrive at school in one damp piece. Although my day is already ruined, thanks to you-know who, I have faith in the note awaiting me in my locker. I know it will fix everything and make my day.

I yank open my locker and find the note. A smile stretches my lips. My Mr. Anonymous is so punctual. I read the note. If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right anymore. All smiles, I store the note in my bag. There goes the 180th note. If crushing on Alpha is wrong, I don’t want to be right anymore.

Look at me, dripping wet and dressed like a middleclass girl. The things we do for love, or at least emotions close to it. If Alpha doesn’t see how hard I’m trying for him to like me, then it’s all for nothing, and that will leave me broken.

Sneezing my head off, I head to class. Everyone is dazed to find me in this state. But the person who matters doesn’t even look at me. Great, Beth. Just great. I can’t believe I sold my health for nothing. Way to go.

“What happened to you?” Mr. Collins, our physics teacher asks. How is that even a question? Doesn’t he see the merciless rain?

“I went swimming,” I say.

“Well, next time you want to go swimming, remember to change into your swimming trunk, and don’t do it on Fridays because you have physics for first period!” It’s official. My physics teacher is an asshole.

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