I wait patiently for him to speak, staring at him with my heart beating faster than normal and I am sure that he can also hear it at this rate. My fingers are trembling as I nervously pick at my fingernails, waiting for him and he let’s out a sigh before raising his head to look at me.
His eyes boring into mine. Those same eyes that I have grown to love so much. Those eyes that I would do anything just to be able to see and stare at them.
“I don’t know. ” He mutters, shattering every belief and every hope that I had of us. Making every of my fear come true, every of my mother’s speech. Making them come true just one by one and for a moment, I wish that the world would just remain silent.
Blinking my eyes to shake back the tears that were threatening to fall, I let out a soft chuckle, one of my pain before smiling at him and nodding.
“I guess we weren’t clear about what we both wanted. ” I mutter, my stupid voice trying to break but I’m quick to clear my throat and compose myself once again.
No. I can’t break down here, I can’t cry here. I can’t let him know just how much those three words of his has hurt me a lot so instead of letting out the tears and seeming like a pathetic fool in front of him, I bite down on my tongue and do the very thing that I love doing the most. Conceal my pain with a smile.
“I don’t know what’s going on between us. I don’t know what I’m feeling for you because what I feel for you scared me Arielle. It’s a feeling that I haven’t felt in a long time and I’m afraid that if I let myself revel in that feeling right now then I’m going to end up been hurt. ”
He mutters and all I could do was just to nod because I’m afraid that if I even as much open my mouth to say something. What would come out is sobs and tears.
“I’m not saying that this doesn’t mean anything to me Arie. Don’t get me wrong, this means something to me but I just don’t know how to go about it. We are very different, me and you. We are like ice and fire. Your parents wouldn’t approve of me either, your mother thinks all I’m doing right now is just playing with you and according to your mother, you have a fiance. One who’s now very ready to marry you and me.. I’m just a guy without no one beside him and I don’t want that type of life for you. I don’t want you to be alone because of me, I don’t want you to abandon your family because of me and I don’t want them to abandon you either because truth is you have no idea how lucky you are that you have someone that watches out and loves you until you have no one to do that again. ” He shakes his head and I scoff before nodding.
“So you’re just going to walk away from all these? You’re going to throw all these away? Me and you? Everything between us? After everything we went through to finally be together? You’re going to throw all that away because we are different? My parents won’t approve of you and because I have someone that I have to get married to against my better judgement?! ” I yell, my tears now rolling down my cheeks, without no stop to them and I didn’t even bother trying either.
“This is what would be best for you. ”
“Since when did you get to know what would be best for me? Since when did you make decisions for me?!”
“You told me you’re going to make me make my own decisions! No matter how difficult they may seem! You told me that I will make my own decisions myself! ” I yell and he sighs before standing up and attempting to move closer to me but I raise a finger to stop him.
“Are you going to allow me to make my own decision or are you going to make it for me and run away from all these? ” I raise my brows and he bends his head while I nod, wiping off my tears aggressively.
“Leave. ” I whisper.
“Arielle… ” He calls and I shake my head.
“Just leave Javier. ” I mutter and I watch as he walks out of the room while I grimaces and fall to the floor, holding unto my arching heart.