I hurt bad. It hurts so badly that I have never felt this kind of pain before. Nothing had ever hurt me like this before and I don’t know what to do than to just revel in my own pain. I have always love him. I have always love Beck and I always will. I love him so much that the thought of him, doing that with that girl. The thought of him touching her and saying things to her that should be said to me. That thought drives me so insane thar I feel like if I don’t stop thinking about it, then I’m gonna explode.
But what’s the point in this after all, I can’t stop thinking about it, no matter how much I try. I can’t stop because I shouldn’t! I shouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it because that’s just how much I love him. That’s how much it hurts.
“Are you okay? ”
Ethan asks as he sits me down and stretch a glass of water to me while I politely take from him but only drop it on the table.
I am not okay. In fact, I’m far from been okay and I will never be okay without him. He has become almost the most important part of my life that I can’t do without. I just don’t want to live without him. I love him so much. Very much, words can’t describe the length of my feelings for him and even though, this wouldn’t be the first time he’s doing something like that. I had thought that he changed, I thought that he finally decided to put a stop to his immature act and his act of betrayal but then.. This had to happen.
My phone vibrates against my pocket and I sniff before pulling it out, staring at the name across the screen before dropping it on the couch that’s next to me and breathing out.
I can’t cry. I can’t cry, I shouldn’t let him do this to me. I must not let him do this to me.
“What’s wrong? Why are you not picking up Beck’s call, did something happen between the two of you? ”Ethan says next to me and it was as if the words were just caught up in my throat, they refuse to make their way out.
“He’s the reason you’re crying, isn’t he? Tell me, what has he done this time. Let me know Zoe please, don’t keep it in and let it eat you up. ”
He says again and I nodded , biting down on my tongue to stop the tears from coming but it’s already too late as a tear rolls down my cheek. That one tear turns to two. Then they roll down slowly until it couldn’t be contained anymore and I allow the tears to move freely. No longer holding it in and no longer caring about holding it in either.
“Im sorry that you had to get into trouble with your mom because of me ” Javier says and I smile before shaking my head, assuring him that it’s nothing.
“Is everything okay between us? We ain’t running away from each other, right? You wouldn’t run away after this, right? ” He whispers, his voice so low that I could barely make out what he’s saying but I heard it anyways and I sigh, staring my hand and shifting uncomfortably between my legs in the same position that I have been since mom walked out of this room.
“To be honest, I don’t really know if we are. I don’t know if we are going to pull away from each other after this because I keep thinking about what she had said. I keep thinking about me and I keep thinking about you. I keep thinking about us. What are we doing Javier? What’s going on between us? ” I raise my brows at him, my heart beating faster against my chest as I hope that he would just say the words that I’m dying to listen to. The words that I’m dying to hear from him.
That he loves me and that’s why he is here with me.