I walked into the office with the hope of not running into the President but who was I kidding, I worked hand in hand with him so it’s a must that I would.
‘Mr Kunda.’ My secretary said handing me a cup of tea
‘No thank you.’ I said declining it
‘Sir you will have to take this.’ She said as if pushing
‘And is there a particular reason why I must?’ I asked her now with my full attention
‘Sir please.’ She pleaded still holding it out
I got the cup and gave it to one of my juniors
‘Thank you Sir.’ He responded before walking off
‘No.’ she said
‘Please come to my office.’ I told her
She trailed behind me and closed the door after getting in, I had become very good with technology so I immediately switched off all the monitors in my office.
‘You have a minute to explain yourself, more than that the IT guys will notice and they will be officers coming this way.’ I told her
‘The President gave me specific orders to make you drink the tea each morning.’ She began
‘And he also asked me to add this and if I don’t it will be the end of me and my family.’ She said handing me an empty sachet
‘I am switching on the monitors and you will pretend as if everything is fine and no one will hear about this. Are we clear?’ I asked her
‘Yes I am.’ She said in a frightened tone
I got the sachet and quickly put it in my pockets before switching on the monitors. I was curious to see what the contents of the sachet were but I knew I was walking a difficult path so I had to be as smart as possible. I buried my head in work and soon enough I was lost in my work.
At lunch break I decided to head home so that I could check on my wife because the state I left her in wasn’t pleasant enough. On my way out I removed the sachet and started reading the words.
‘Zoloft’, it read.
I had no idea what the drug was so I typed the words in Google and what it brought shocked me.
‘Zoloft; Used to treat major depressive disorders.
Common side effects include; diarrhoea, dizziness, drowsiness, dyspepsia, delayed ejaculation, decreased libido and ejaculation failure.’
The three last side effects got me thinking, how was it even possible that this had been done to me. Was the vasectomy really performed or maybe so much was hidden from me. I decided to call Felicia and tell her that I wouldn’t make it for lunch because I had something that I had to work on.
I drove straight to a private clinic that wasn’t listed in any government files because I wanted this to be as private as possible. One thing I hated about going to clinics without appointments and being treated like an ordinary person is that one had to wait in line for the doctors to attend to them.
I had carried some money with me because I didn’t want anything to appear on my credit card which would ruin my search for the truth. After a good period of twenty minutes on the line, the doctor was ready to see me.
I walked in and found a middle aged man looking so serious.
‘Please take a seat.’ He ordered without even looking at me
I sat in the chair just opposite him and waited for him to finish what he was doing.
‘Your card please.’ he said when he put his pen down
‘Here.’ I said when I handed it to him
He got it and entered something in his computer.
‘I would prefer you do it manually.’ I said
‘That will mean charging you more.’ He said as he lowered his glasses as if studying me
I got the five hundred kwacha notes I had in my pocket and put them on the table.
‘I cannot accept this.’ He said
‘For your discretion.’ I told him
‘Alright then we can start.’ He told me
I had dealt with men of his kind and I knew just where to press
‘Mr Kunda what is the problem?’ he asked
‘I need you to do a full body scan on me.’ I told him
‘That is a bit costly.’ He responded
‘How much are we talking about?’ I asked him without breaking eye contact
‘Okay, I guess we can start.’ He said after noticing that I wasn’t moved with anything he was saying
He asked me to roll up my sleeves and put the BP machine on my arm, afterwards he asked for my urine, my stool, saliva, then he did a scan for both my lungs and my kidneys. After that he told me to wait for an hour for him to process the results.
‘Can’t you wait till tomorrow for your results?’ he finally asked after thirty minutes of waiting
‘I paid a lot of money, more than what you make in a week.’ I said bluntly
‘Well under normal circumstances results only come out a day after.’ He began
‘These are not normal circumstances.’ I responded
He sighed and got back to his work
‘Can’t you at least go outside and allow me to do my work?’ he asked after minutes of fumbling with his instruments
‘Just do your job.’ I told him
After a while he told me that he was ready to give me the results.
‘Mr Kunda how long have you suffered from depression?’ he asked seriously
‘I do not have depression.’ I told him my worst fears being confirmed
‘Well what I have here shows otherwise, why have you been on drug abuse?’ he asked again
‘Listen here Mr, if I wanted a sermon or lecture this would have been the last place I would have come to. I came here because I need to know what is wrong with me.’ I told him as I stared deep into his eyes
‘Okay fine, from what I have found, there are huge traces of Zoloft in your system which is causing your sperm count to be very low. Do you have kids?’ he asked
I was really getting irritated so I didn’t respond
‘I guess the answer is a no, well that could be the reason.’ He told me as he wrote down some things
‘And the solution?’ I asked
‘Stay away from Zoloft.’ He said as he counted the money I had paid him
I stood up to leave but then stopped half way
‘What is that you were doing when I came in?’ I asked
‘Oh was typing a report on the newest drug we have discovered for our vet.’ He responded with pride
‘What is the drug about?’ I asked out of curiosity
‘Well they are cases when pet lovers want to buy a pet that is already of age and taking it to a new home is always difficult.’ He said
‘So what we do is inject the animal with this drug, it takes away a bit of their knowledge for them to easily adapt to their new home.’ He said
‘Like amnesia?’ I asked
‘Not really that, it will have memories about where it came from but a certain degree of knowledge is taken away.’ He answered
‘Do you have a pet Mr Kunda?’ he asked
‘I am just curious.’ I told him
‘And have you tried it on humans?’ I continued
‘Yes we have, I used my secretary as a specimen. Up to now she can’t remember that we had an affair, at least she is off my back.’ He told me
‘But won’t she regain her memory since it’s not completely amnesia.’ I asked
‘Well no.’ he said with a smile
‘Uhm.’ I answered with a raised eyebrow
‘Top secret, just a little too much of the drug takes away the last memory one had.’ He told me
‘Really?’ I asked trying to get as much information as possible
‘Poor girl last had sex with me she couldn’t remember who impregnated her.’ He said before laughing
‘That is mean.’ I told him
‘It is a mean world.’ He responded
‘Can I have some? Enough to cause damage maybe?’ I asked
‘For a good client, you can have them for free.’ He said
‘Thank you, lunch is on me.’ I told him
‘Next check-up lunch is on me.’ He told me before I walked out of his office
I went to the cafeteria and ordered for a meat pie and a cold fruit squash. I got the medicine and squeezed the whole tube in it. Afterwards I walked to the counter and gave the poor secretary to take the lunch to him with a note