Words can hurt. The wrong words can damage a relationship. Honest, open communication is important in any relationship but sometimes we’re just not capable of it.
When we’re upset we revert to familiar patterns of bad behavior, often founded on old unresolved issues, and we can’t see our way out of it. We’re likely not even aware that we’re doing it. We may be from different planets, or at least had different upbringings, so we often do not communicate in the same manner or on the same level.
Inevitably, problems arise and are often made worse by attempting to talk them through. So don’t. Not just now.
1) Bite your tongue and swallow your words. If it’s complaining, sarcastic, critical or otherwise hurtful – don’t say it. Do you really benefit from making that smart remark intended to get a leg up – show who’s better? Does one of you seem to have a need to always be right? Does one of you need to have the last word – even in your head? Is massaging your ego more important than being in a loving relationship?
It takes two to argue; be the one to turn away from a fight; come back when you’ve both cooled off. Also, do not disrespect your partner too, or in front of others; negative energy breeds negative energy.
2) Do something nice for yourself. Always take care of yourself by getting enough sleep, eating properly, exercising, breathing fresh air and enjoying regular relaxation. Every now and again do something special.
Go fishing, spend time with friends or enjoy a day at the spa. Drive out to the country by yourself, read a trashy novel, go to a game, take yourself out for a nice meal, engage in a hobby. If you feel good about yourself you’ll have more positive attention for your partner and renewed energy to deal with whatever gets tossed at you.
3) Take time each day to relax and meditate on what is going well in your life and your relationship. Perhaps keep a gratitude journal. List anything, no matter how small. Maybe she has a good sense of color – decorating the house with flair.
Maybe he’s a playful father. Maybe she loves to walk the dog daily. Maybe he is always on time for work. Maybe her nails always look fabulous. Maybe he’s kind to the waiter and tips well. When you focus on what’s going well, it expands – bringing to you more of what you like.
So, stop paying attention to what’s not going well and instead, pay attention to those little things that you can appreciate. Get yourself in a good feeling place before you have a difficult conversation with each other – if you still need to.
4) Do something nice for your partner – without being asked and without expectation of acknowledgement, appreciation or reciprocity. Do a chore or errand that’s not usually your responsibility – not just once, but daily. Don’t keep score.