31st May Episode 10 Voices In My Head


“Bang bang !!! bang bang bang!!’’ my five years old son chased me around the house , we were playing Cop and thief. He held his water pistol, pointed at me, “Bang” he presses his gun, water sprouted out of its mouth. His gun was black, he wanted it to look real, so I had it painted. I duck and I raise my own fake gun with water in it. I never let him touch my real gun, being a police officer, I had to make sure my kid was safe. My gun was locked away, when I was spending time with my family. Especially when playing with my son.
“Bang” I say and duck, water splashes his sweet innocent face as I laugh and hit the ground, his laughter reaches my ears as he cleans his eyes, he raises his gun again at me as he chases me, I crawl behind the chair but I feel the water reach my bum as he releases his gun’s trigger.
“Bang bang bang!!!’’
Then he runs to the otherside, just when I am about to get up and run, my son corners me, jumping on my body and raises the gun to my chest
“Argh..my chest..argh ..i am dyyyiinngggg argggggh” I writhe in mock pain, feigning death, I choke, I twist and turn holding my chest, I pour jam in my mouth and then I gag out, reaching for the jam I scoop some into my mouth and then I am sprouting jam as blood..then I rub some on my chest, staining my shirt.
‘’Die Die Die” he continuous to release his gun, drenching my shirt with water until I stopped moving, then he gets up and roars, the way he sees me do when I win him, then he dances and dances, running to meet his mother.
‘’Mum…I killed father, I won I won “ he dances around her neck.
I come in through the back, sweeping him off his feet as I hold him over my shoulders, his baby laughter coming from his tummy as I tickle him, spinning him around and throw him on the chair, torturing him with tickles,, he laughed so hard he began to beg..
“Daddy hahahahaha daddy please hahahaha”
Then I stop, cradle him in my hands and plaster his face with kisses
“Ewww daddy, I am not a kid anymore”
‘’Well you are my kid and to me you are still a baby, a thousand kisses for you until you are old and grey, even then I would still kiss you” I kiss his face again
My wife comes into the living room, placing food on the table ‘’Alright boys, play time over, go wash up Andy, and then come eat” she tells our son “And you too big baby’’ she tells me
“Let’s see who is first to run up and clean up and comes back in time?’’ I turn to Andy
“Me!!’’ he says jumping up from the chair and sprinting up the stairs, I laugh, getting up slowly I make my way to the most sexiest woman ever alife, my world, my beautiful beautiful woman
“Hey sexy mama, “ I wrap my arms around her from behind and kiss her neck
She smiles “So you had to send the little man up so you can get naughty with his mama, how smart, how you”
I smile, pressing her to myself

“You know he is not going to be down here for another ten, fifteen minutes…and you I have missed dearly wifey” I caress her under her cloths. She leans into me “we were quite warmly this morning , and last night , and the day before, and the day before and almost every day since we got married and had that cute little bundle of joy that you sent up so you can get frisky with me ..husband”!!
“What can I say…I can’t get enough of you baby..and Ps..we have less that twelve minutes and baby boy would be down here, we don’t want him getting any ideas and thinking of getting married at a young age..” I turn her, and lift her, she is laughing as she wraps her legs round my waist, I work my belt, unzipping my jeans.

“You are just insatiable, saying no to you is no use” she breaths against my neck, as she feels my excitement.

“Well that is because..you love me and you can’t leave without me and that…this..me loving you is just the way you want and like and don’t forget..you are the one who also ambush me at night and in the shower and…when Andy is asleep a few feets away from us, so You aren’t goody-two-shoes yourself..” I smile into her mouth and kiss her deeply, raising up her dress, I savour her lips, caressing her..placing my self inside her.Before long we are moaning into each other’s mouths, moving in Rhythm, dancing with the beats of our hearts and climbing to our climax, and shattering into ourselves.
Dropping her down slowly, and kissing her back to earth, “I love you..so much” I say to her “I love you so so much”
“I love you too baby’’ ,my princess kisses me back “Now I need to go wash up too”
We smile and run up the stairs.
I had been away from my house for two weeks, I had urgent business that had me working out of state for a two weeks, working on a case. Done, I drive back into the state, it was about 12am at night when I get into town, not wanting to call home knowing my wife and son would be asleep, I decide not to call and wake her up. I had my key, I would just get home and slide into bed beside her. I check in on Andy first, he had his water gun with him, I smile. I remember him telling me he wants to be like me, a Cop, chasing bad guys and putting them behind bars , just like me, and how he would grow big and strong and protect us, his mum and I from bad guys , if ever they come close to us, even if they came into our home, he would shot them down. So he said he would always sleep with his gun, so he would be able to protect us at all times, even in his dreams. I notice his water gun was empty.

I smile and place a kiss to his forehead, making sure he was properly tucked in, I leave his room and make my way down to mine.

That’s when I heard it, those sounds coming from my room. It wasn’t just that it was a sound…it was the kind of sound … I was rooted to the spot for the whole of five minutes, not able to move or speak, not able to even breath. Then with a blinding rage I kick the door open to find my wife, my beautiful beautiful sexy wife, naked and sweaty, bouncing off another’s man’s body.. Now it wasn’t just the fact that she was cheating on me, in our home, on our matrimonial bed, in our house and our son was just a few steps away, asleep and could have walked in at anytime.
It was the fact that she was doing it ..with him.
My brother, Tom.
I stagger back, like a bucket of cold water was poured on my body, like my vision suddenly blurs and I hit the ground..falling to my knees…
‘’fxxk!!’’ I hear him mutter, jumping up and pushing her away from him.
“Oh my God…James!!!” my wife screams, trying to cover her body.
“Why..why??’’ I felt the tears leaving my eyes and staining my cheeks.
“Look bro, it’s not what you think, it..it just happened and…’’
“Why??” I ask again. “Why ?””
“Because, because I love him, because ..he is the only one that makes me feel good, makes me feel like I am flying, because …you were my second choice but him, he has always been the love of my life and I couldn’t tell you about it..” she began to speak
“Don’t Tracey” he begs looking at her and then to me
“No..he needs to know’’ her voice is stronger as she ties her rope.
“Know..know what?”” I can’t breath

“Know that…our marriage had been a lie, this..this is all pretence. It was a bet gone wrong. I never loved you and I never wanted to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. All I wanted was Tom, but Tom was just too chicken enough to man up, so I wanted to make him jealous, I wanted to make him stop being a chicken and I told him I was going to leave him and date someone else if he doesn’t get married to me.

He called my bluff, he said I couldn’t ..i would never do it.
And then you just came into town, fresh out of college, a promising job in the forces and I knew what i had to do, I told him I was going to date you and make you fall inlove with me and he had the guts to bet against it..but he was just too stupid to see I was just doing it to get him jealous, and I went after you, and you fell, like a deck of cards , you fell for me..and three months later you asked me to marry you. And because I was angry at Tom, I accepted and told him if he doesn’t step up I was going to marry you.

But all this while we were together, me and you James, me and Tom still hooked up, I couldn’t stay away from him and he couldn’t stay away from me either and then later on we still fight, and then we make up and then fight and make up…yet he didn’t want to do the needful , he said he wasn’t ready.. then our fight on our wedding eve when I found out that I was pregnant…pregnant !!!!..And there was no way my parents would allow me abort, we are catholics you see.
But I didn’t want to keep it, I didn’t want to keep it because..because Andy wasn’t yours son James, Andy was Tom’s , and Tom..Tom wasn’t ready, financially and otherwise to shoulder the responsibility of a child ..and then we both decided that I marry you…you were ready.

When you found out I was pregnant you were over the moon , you were happy and you couldn’t wait to be a father. And for a moment. For a moment there I thought I could love you, I wanted to give my feelings up for Tom and just love you and believe me I tried ..i tried. But the heart wants what it wants..my heart could never forget Tom and somehow we still found a way to each other…and for years, our love just grew stronger.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing …so that means..so that means..Andy, my son, the boy I love and adore isn’t mine but my brother’s, and my whole marriage had been a lie, a sham, based on some stupid bet born out of jealousy and what ever stupid thing she said ..and that My brother and my wife have been lovers for years under my roof, my nose..and that Andy is not my blood and they lied to me, they lied to me,…they..
I slowly felt the anger boiling, I feel it tingling in my toes, I feel the splitting headache rising as my blood boiled, I rise up slowly..
I had removed my belt, where I hosted my gun as I left my son’s room, dropping it on the floor in shcok unpon meeting the scene…
“You lied to me..you both..you both you both lied to me, Andy ..Andy is my son…Andy is my blood “ I say
“No he isn’t James, Andy is mine” My brother says , shame washes over him, or so I thought “ I am sorry, I am so sooo sorry, I love you bro and I never wanted to hurt you but I love her ..we love each other and —“
“For five years and more you allowed me married into a lie, let me believe in a lie, thought I had a son but it was a lie..wait so all those times you were coming to check in on her and being around her claiming brother-inlaw, it was just a cover, all those times you told me you just ran into her was just a lie, all those times I found you in my house when I come home for lunch you were sleeping with my wife..all those times..for years..you both…you..you were sleeping with my brother..you were cheating on me, you were using me, you were both doing this to me..for your selfish reasons and for your selfish purposes….why??? ..is that how much you hate me, is that how much evil you both possess..this isn’t just wickedness, this..this is evil..this is inhuman..this pain..this pain “I rub my chest, my tears blinding me

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“this pain I feel is so bad…it feels as though my chest is about to explode like..i can’t breath like…like I need to make it stop..i need to….hurt you back so much as much as you both have hurt me…I need to..oh God I loved you..i loved you both..and every day I look at you Tracey I felt blessed, to have you and Andy in my life, I work my ass out so that you both don’t lack, I go out there to protect you and I come back in to make sure you are safe…all I have is for you and Andy..all I have..all that I am..i am nothing without you both, but to find out today that my very own brother…is nothing but a liar and a cheat, a bad bad person..my brother that I would gladly cut my arm for, go to the ends of the earth for and die for is the one who have begun to slowly kill me…how do I handle this..i can’t ..i can’t…I can’t’, I can’t accept this..i won’t accept this…”
“You have to. I am tired of lying…I am glad you have found out..now I don’t have to hide anymore”
“Tracy..have a heart’” My brother says “The man is hurting”
‘’I have a heart..at least I have been open. You why don’t you grow some balls for once. You asked me to ask him for divorce not so long ago, you asked me to go away with you and take our son.. you did, we were making plans here before we made love. Grow some balls for once Tom and speak, all your act now is so that you can look remorseful infront of your brother but there is no use, what is done is done and to tell you the truth I am glad. Now we can have a divorce, I take my son and we can go away and get married”
“No one is taking my son away from me…no one. Andy is my son, my son..Mine” I scream at her, pointing to both of them
“he is my son and he would leave with me” she tells me
“He is our son James…and we aren’t leaving without him. And if you choose to fight us on this, we would demand for a Dna test, and your claims won’t hold water in court, they may only allow you visits but our rights as parents would stand.” He says.. now I see his true colours.. he wasn’t sorry he was caught, he wasn’t remorseful to see the hurt he had caused me, neither was she.. they were not sorry..for the pains they are putting me through, the torment and suffering from this knowledge.

No!! they…this wasn’t happening . this wasn’t happening, my perfect world just crashed in one night..No!!..they can leave, but not without my son. I raised him, I took him to his first base ball , I watched him walk to me, I thought him how to jump, he knows me as his father, I was his father, and I love him as much as he loves me..no one was taking Andy away from me..no one was daring it, I couldn’t stop them , my wife and brother from being together, I can’t..they love each other, they obviously deserve each other..but my son, he was the only thing good here..innoccent , I had raised him, loved him, nurtured him, I don’t care if they say he is Tom’s, my blood or not, he was my son and no one was taking the only joy I have left, No one.!
“I am taking Andy and I am leaving. You both can go ahead and love yourselves , if it means me fighting with everything i have got I will..” I made to walk away, Tracy charges to me,, dragging me.
“You are not going away with my son..you are not. I forbide you”
‘Get out of my way Tracey, don’t force me to do what I have never done” I push her away
“No!!! you are not going near my son” she comes back dragging and hitting me, trying to nudge her away from the door was difficult and I didn’t want to hurt her, I was tempted to..but ..i have never hurt her before, I was trying to curb my anger..i just wanted to leave with my son, and put all these behind me.
“Get out from my way Tracy” I push her again, she grabs the mug by the bed and throws it at me, it hits my head, as I stagger she rushes me again, angered now I push her, slapping her hard as she hits the floor crying out

Tom, leaving where he was standing, grabs me and then throws the first punch, I land on the bed..
I wanted to walk away, walk away from it all…
“Tom you don’t want to do that” I clean the blood from my mouth..
“You hit my woman…I hit you ..you Asshole” he makes for me, throwing me another punch, but I dock as he punches the bed, I turn and then I grab him and punch him in the stomach..
We begin to fight, Tracey who gets pushed back trying to separate screams when I throw Tom to the wall causing him to hit his back and landing on the floor… I am standing over him, dragging him by the collar, backing the door.
“You mean nothing to me now..Nothing !!’’ I spat to his face, he tries to throw one last punch but mine lands his face.
“Leave him alone…leave him alone , leave my baby alone’’ she cries, pushing me away and cradling Tom in her hands.
I am standing over them..the pain in my chest not subsiding..
Then I hear him, I hear him behind me..
“Andy..Andy run!!’ she says ..” Don’t let him take you..run” she cries
‘’Don’t worry mummy, I will protect you..” I hear him say, I hear something drop, I turn immediately , I see him drop the water gun and pick up my gun removing it from the holster ..but it was too late.. he was holding the gun , pointing it to my chest…then he pulls the trigger as I made to stop him, his name catches in my throat, seizing
“BANG BANG!!!” he says
I felt it hit my chest..two bullets..i look up, “BANG BANG BANG!!’’ three more bullets to my chest..
“Andyyyy” I hit the ground, the blood soaking my cloths , my breathing slowing down.., his name finally leaving my mouth.
He drops the gun, frowning and looking at his hands.. then he looks at me..suddenly recognizing me
‘’Daddy…” he says walking close to me, touching my face, and my chest,..”Daddy..is this blood..is this..Daddy??”” he is shaking me, they..my wife and brother, they don’t move..they don’t move..they don’t even try to safe me or call the hospital, Andy is shaking me , he is covering my chest with his hands, as though understanding ..that something was wrong..Daddy isn’t supposed to bleed for real. Tears fills his eyes “Muummyy.. Daddy is bleeding, Daddy is bleeding..Daddyy Dadddyy I didn’t know..Daddyyyyyy!!!!’’ he is crying, blood covering his hands.
I choke, falling backwards, fighting for breaths “Daddyy..Daddyyyyyy!!!’’ I hear his voice calling me …I hear it fading..
‘’I love you…Andy..i love you” I touch his face, one last time…one last time.
As I close my eyes and slowly blank into nothingless.. I remember my wife..i remember my brother, and I remember my son ,Andy and that…
And then NOTHING!!

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