Woara Episode 1 – “The Letter.”


Dear One,
The colours and light I see in the sky on such a spectacular occasion of the sun’s primitive emergence this early morning, bringing a new beginning to my life, has motivated me to put pen to paper and scribble this noble letter to you. I hope this letter finds you in a fabulous state of metabolism – if so, then doxology!
My principal aim of writing this letter to you is to gravitate your mind towards a matter of global and universal importance, which has been troubling my soul since the first day I met you.
I strongly believe that meeting your acquaintance back at the inter-colleges games was a day set aside by the Angel of love himself. I knew you were the one the second I saw you but from where I was seated, I didn’t know how to approach you.
Now, before I got your attention, I couldn’t give myself a moment to think before acting, with adrenaline shooting through me. And I must confess, that was the first time I actually acted without thinking as I was extremely nervous.
I thought you would be hard on me but you were nicer to me than I expected. Having you give me your school address, it felt like a gold mine.
It’s exactly 5:15a.m and I’m writing you this letter during morning prep. This clearly shows how important you are to me.
Adam described love as the bone of his bone and the flesh of his flesh, Solomon also described this same love in his songs and Delilah described hers with a betrayal, but I, Kwame describe love as you. You are love, the perfect thing that can happen to mankind.
As soon as I met you, I made meaning out this Chinua Achebe’s novel title, “Things Fall Apart” – the center cannot hold. I am falling apart Afrakuma. The piece of heart cannot hold without a positive reply from you.
The love I have for you is so deep like the engravings on my late granny’s grave. It is so rooted in my heart like the tree of good and evil in the Garden of Eden.
I’m sure you can deduce that I am in a serious dilemma. And I want you to take my matter seriously.
At this junction, what our Lord said in the book of Matthew is germane. He said to ask and we shall be given, we should seek and we will find, and that we should knock, and it will be opened unto us.
I could go on and on but I’m already running out of writing pad. Afra, saying how much I love you would be more than the pages in the bible.  Actions they say speak louder than words and if I had my own way, I would deliver this letter to you myself but my housemaster won’t give me permission to go out even if I faked sickness.
I want to emphasis, categorically and responsibly that you are love itself to me, and this is no flattery.  You are the metaphor, oxymoron, thesis, antithesis, irony, gerund, conjunction and adverb of love.
If words of love could ride a bicycle, I would be competing against Diego Maradona.
Please Afrakuma, give me a chance to be your Romeo, and make me the Adam to your Eve.
Anyway, by now you have reached the realizations to why I am jotting this small letter to you. Yes, it is to see if you are keeping with the sands of time.
Time is the best but time waits for no one. A man without love is like a fish without water. I know you are a sagacious girl. The mark at the bottom of this page is a kiss from me to you.
This might be the last letter I’ll write you before the end of term. Attached are well taken photographs of myself and two postal stamps just for you to reply as soon as you receive this letter.
I remain your love, beloved, faithful, loyal one and only admirer.
Your First Love,
Humphrey Kwame Edu
2006! That was the exact year I wrote this letter. The vibes I had was just on point. After all these words, that I carefully selected and put together just to “toast” this girl, I was 100% sure I was going to win her. I calculated everything by writing the letter on the 29th of January, 2006, hoping that between 10th to 15th of February, I would have received a reply.
Valentine’s day was fast approaching and that was the period every student at school was expected to receive a letter, just to earn a bragging right.
I was the entertainment prefect and the most loudest (if there’s a word like that in the dictionary) in my class if not the whole school.
I seemed to have a lot of influence on my peers. I also had a lot of fans, so to say, and I used to enjoy it very much. I would punish any junior who came my way, however, just to show my ‘powers’. Especially when it was time for dining. I never went early. I would enter the dining hall, when everyone was already seated and from the door farthest from my seat so to catch their attention – then the cheering goes on and on and on till I finally end my presidential walk at my table. ‘Zygote’ – oh how I can never forget that nickname!
Let’s go back to my love letter. So fortunately for me, I got a reply on the 13th of February 2006. As the Compound prefect mentioned my name to come for my letter, you can imagine what happened next. You’re right – the fans!Zygote! Zygote! I felt like Mohamed Ali entering the ring for a major bout, only that I had my muscles hidden under body fat. A letter on the February 13th, come on! It was a real big deal for any student in the senior secondary school, boy or girl.
My walk was totally different that day, as I was surrounded by a crowd of bodyguards hailing on different notes like a disorganized mass choir. The envelope was huge, from a distance you could tell that is was a gift card. I collected my envelope from the prefect with a smile on my face, hugged it like a baby, saluting left and right back to my seat.
I was expected to open the envelope and show its contents to them (I mean my bodyguards) before they’d allow me some breathing space. So, I did. I opened the envelope very slowly though, so to tease them. What I found inside was definitely not what I was expecting to see at all. Not even in my worst nightmare. There was no special reply. The girl had actually sent my letter back to me in a bigger and nicer envelope.  My heart sunk! O my days! What a disgrace!
To be Continued
Watch out for Episode Two @ 8:00pm on “Tales of Elton” (download on GooglePlay for Free)
9:00pm on Facebook and whatsapp.
© 2017


  1. Elton pls when are u dropping d next episode. You promised today, n since morn until now nothin is display on ‘Woara’