I was confused , why was Brian so angry at me and wouldn’t even listen to me ? . There , I was in the hall all alone with tears rolling down my cheeks . Since we got married , I had never been placed in such a difficult situation. I tried praying and asking God to help me but I couldn’t do anything more than to cry .
I checked the time and Dorothy was back already . She rushed to me when she saw me crying .
” Mum left home dear and Brian had followed her ” was all I could say amidst the tears . She tried comforting me and assuring me everything was going to be okay . And deep down in my heart , I prayed so too .
I wasn’t hungry , I had lost appetite for anything . For three days Brian didn’t come home . I tried calling him , his workplace but nothing . I got so worried and furious at the same time . Since we received my mother in – law into our home , all I did was to be the daughter in – law I could be ; trying my best to be a good one but it was worth nothing. What else was I expected to do ? Dorothy kept telling me to be calm and keep praying and hoping Brian come back soon. And as days went by , my fury turned into worry.
I badly wanted to call aunty Betty , mum , dad , Derrick , Theresa ; anyone but I didn’t have enough strength to . Since mum and dad moved to the states because of their work , communication between us hadn’t been consistent . We only spoke when they had enough time on their hands . Derrick, my big brother also had his own family to think of and I really didn’t want to bother him with my marital problems. Aunty Betty would be so disturbed. No ! What was I going to do ? I was in this and I needed God’s intervention or else I would totally breakdown.
For no reason , I kept having this feeling of throwing up and I simply didn’t have appetite for food , coupled with all the events happening at home , I was at a very low point in my life .
I failed concentrating at work . My joy was lost and neither did I want to bother any of my colleagues with my problems. And as I kept it to myself , it kept eating me up ; draining all the energy I had .
I had so many things happening all at once at this point in my life that I hardly concentrated on the dance school , church activities , everything around me !
I sat in my office that morning thinking when Vanessa , another colleague of mine barged in on me . She had been calling my name for quiet some time but my mind was elsewhere.
( I responded as soon as she tapped me )
Me : Hi Nessa , were you calling me , do you need something ? I asked her in my worried voice.
Vanessa : Yes Tracy , I need to talk with you .
Me : About what dear ? ( I tried checking something on my cell phone )
Vanessa : Have you taken a good look at yourself lately Tracy ? What’s happening with you , you look terrible. You should go see a doctor dear please .
I stared at her , I was so confused myself ; I didn’t really know what was happening around me . I did have to go see a doctor ; I wasn’t feeling okay and I knew that too .
Me : Thanks so much Nessa , I will do that first thing tomorrow in the morning. Could you please give this to Mr Jamal for me ? ( I handed her an envelope )
Am grateful dear , I said smiling .
Vanessa : No need to thank me Tracy , what are friends for ? She responded as she left my office.
I was sure my boss had left the office early and Vanessa would give him the envelope I had given to her the following day . I needed some time off work and I knew he would understand. I left the office as soon as I was done with the days work .
On my way to the office , I passed by the dance school to say hello to Mr and Mrs Donels and the children . Its been a while I had time to visit. They were happy, learning fast too. Everyone there was doing well but I Tracy Hudson ; I guess I wasn’t doing too well …
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Dorothy tried preparing something for us to take for breakfast . I hadn’t been eating properly and that had been affecting my health badly . I ate something small and informed her I was off to the hospital . I wasn’t feeling too well to drive so I took a taxi . I set off early in the morning and arrived at the hospital in no time .
At the hospital , Mr Jaden , our family doctor run few tests on me . I waited for a while at his office . He came back with the test results and a smile on his face. I wondered why he was smiling. Then he spoke .
” Mrs Hudson , congratulations to you and Mr Hudson , you are pregnant, its a month old “. He added . But this time around , he was laughing and shaking my hands .
Did he say I was pregnant ? Everything became clear , the reason I threw up that morning , oh dear ! A sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news . So why wasn’t Brian a little more patient and listen to me ? I kept asking myself countless questions while I was on my way out of Mr Jaden’s office .
Just as I got to the hospital’s exit , I spotted Brian standing there . He was speaking to someone I guessed was a doctor . It had been a few days , but he looked different. Tired ; I couldn’t really understand what he was doing there . I had wanted to turn and leave , but one look at him and my heart softened. I couldn’t resist and then I called out to him suddenly .
He turned ; searching for the voice that called after him. And when he finally saw me , he just didn’t mind. He had that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I felt embarrassed ; I turned around and began walking away . I tried very hard not to take another look back anymore.
I got to the front of the hospital and stopped a taxi, I got in . At that moment, I had a strong urge inside me to shout out to my Brian ” Darling , I am having your baby ” and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy . What I wanted didn’t happen . I was in a taxi on my way back home and he was there , not even wishing to cast a glance at me .
As I sat in the car , tears started rolling down. Why ?, why couldn’t our love withstand the test of one fight . This time around I couldn’t hold up my tears any longer ; they just kept rushing down and I let them.
I arrived home with my handkerchief soaking with tears . I placed my handbag on the bed. Dorothy wasn’t back yet , I noticed . I laid on my bed , my mind went back to Brian and the disgusted look he had in his eyes . I cried and it wet the corner of the blanket. And before I knew it , I had drifted to sleep …
TBC
