The Coffin Maker Episode 82

0
317

Quincy:

(whispering in a low tone) Who is there and who are you looking for?

The person behind the door keeps mute and bangs at the door again and this time, it is louder than the first one.

Quincy:

(tip toe to the kitchen and grabs a frying pan and baking roller and then comes back to the door and whispers) Who is there and who are you looking for?

Quincy’s mobile phone starts to ring and immediately he dips his hand into his pocket and brings the phone out without checking who the caller is.

On Phone:

Quincy:

(in a low tone) Please who is on the line?

Michael Ansah:

Herh are you sleeping or you have taken tramadol volume 1200 mg? Can’t you recognise my number or voice again?

Quincy:

Jack you are calling at the wrong time. There is someone by the door knocking violently at it and I am sensing danger, so I am taking cover before the person enters.

Michael Ansah:

Whaaaat? Do you by any chance know how many people who are behind the door?

Quincy:

(still in a low tone) If I knew their number will I be this scared? How would I know their number when I am inside the room and they are outside? My friend, we will talk later, as this is a wrong time to be on the phone. If you come to meet my dead body later, tell Maabena that I love and cherish her so much.

Michael Ansah:

Don’t worry bro. for I am almost in the house, and no one or nothing can harm you.

Quincy:

(still in a low tone) Be there and be speaking English…you are there and I am here. “He who feels it, knows it”. I am suspecting the guys who came here the previous night looking for you. Perhaps they have gotten to know that I lied to them the other time.

God you know I have lived a clean life all this year, and I have never coveted what belonged to my neighbour. I went to church when the need came. It’s only my tithe that I didn’t pay frequently and this is because I am not working. Please God, with this looming attack, please divert it to another direction and let this death pass me by. I will serve you diligently and will not miss a Sunday service even if I am sick or not having money on me.

Michael Ansah:

Quincy are you praying or what?

Quincy:

Jack let me be, I will talk to you later if I don’t die by the end of this encounter. I love you bro.

Before Mike could say anything, the line had gone off.

Michael Ansah:

(speaking to himself) Should I involve the police in this or what? Driver please step on the accelerator because my brother’s life is in danger back at home and if I don’t get there on time, I will only meet his corpse.

Driver:

Boss I am already driving on a top speed so what again do you want me to do? Do you now want me to put it on a flying gear?

Michael Ansah:

Burger you are very rude papa, no wonder, you are just a mere taxi driver!

Driver:

If you claim you are a rich person, why are you not driving in your own V8? If you don’t keep quiet behind me, I will divert the car into the bush and you will see what will happen to you.

Michael Ansah:

Oh, is that so? You think the juju that you drivers have gone in for we don’t know erh? If you like, try any nonsense and you will see what will happen to your sorry ass. Do you know where I come from and the herbs that have been used to bathe me? Do you know the concoction that I have drunk into my system and do you know how many marks I have on me from native doctors? Don’t let me do something to you that I will regret later.

Driver:

Oh boss why, don’t you know how to play? I was only joking ooo. See, I love my life more than anything else. I have four wives and eleven children who are all boys, so if I die, who will take care of them? I just saw another young girl that I want to marry and make her my fifth wife. I know with her, she can give me female children. That is why I am working day and night so I can raise money for her customary rites.

Michael Ansah:

Are you listening to yourself? How old are you and is the car for you?

Driver:

Boss I am only 39 years of age and the car is not mine, but I hope it will be mine someday.

Michael Ansah:

Are you aware you are greedy and self-centred? How can one man marry 4 wives and want more, and you think God will be happy with you?

Driver:

Hahahaaaa you paaa, do you know how happy God is with me in heaven? I am a Muslim and my religion gives me the right to marry more than one wife. Again, doesn’t your bible say that we should give birth like the sea sand? What I am doing rather will decrease the lesbianism rate in this country. Have you ever heard of gays or lesbians in the Islamic countries? You dare not try to practice that stupid act like, else your life will be taken away from you. What made God destroy Sodom and Gomora?

Michael Ansah:

Hmmmmm this is an interesting debate but unfortunately, I have gotten to my destination. I will alight at where that lady is standing.

Driver:

The lady standing there looks very familiar; she looks like my madam ooo.

Michael Ansah:

(looking carefully at the lady) Oh she is also my girlfriend with whom I will be walking down the aisle very soon.

Driver:

Allah walahi! Boss I beg, don’t tell her how I misuse her car or else she will take her car key away from me, and if I lose my job, I wouldn’t know how I will take care of my wives and eleven children.

Michael Ansah:

You see how selfish and greedy you are! You think the car is a machine so it doesn’t also get tired?. As you are misusing the car, if it breaks down, how will you feed your football team family? How much sales do you do in a day for her?

Driver:

Boss I do GHC70.00 for her in a day, but she prefers I do it weekly.

Michael Ansah:

Who does the maintenance on the car when it develops fault?

Driver:

I do it with my money and then she pays me later when I bring the invoice and receipt of the workmanship and the parts that were bought for the maintenance.

Michael Ansah:

Wicked man! From today, you will incur that cost when the car develops any fault and you will only work on one shift of the day. I won’t tell your madam but I will be watching you from afar. Again let me inform you that, I did a recording of our interesting conversation. Now, stop the car right here. How much is my fare or bill?

Driver:

Oh boss, how can I charge you for bringing you home? Please let it be.

Michael Ansah:

Nonsense, don’t you buy fuel? Do you drive with water in your tank? Are you trying to bribe me or what? I have given you my word and I won’t go against it. Do the right thing at the right place and at the right time, and you will love your life and Ghana as a whole. Take this advice from a good citizen and not a spectator. (hands over two GHC10.00 notes to the driver and alights from the car)

Driver:

Thank you very much boss.

Henrietta Barnor:

Adamu what are you doing here by this time of the day?

Driver:

Errrrrrm Madam, I came to drop a passenger.

Henrietta Barnor:

And are you doing a night shift or what?

Driver:

(scratches his head) Yes Madam I am doing a night shift. I didn’t work in the morning so I want to work small so I can get you your sales by the end of the week.

Henrietta Barnor:

My goodness! My dad always says, “a liar has no memory”. Were you not the one who picked me from the house to town this morning and brought me back in the afternoon? Didn’t I pay you? Wasn’t I standing there when another person hired you to Tema Harbour?

Driver:

Madam you paid me but when I dropped you and left your place with the man, the car developed a fault. When I took it to the service centre, the amount they charged me after fixing the car took all the money I made, so I wanted to work small so I can get something for you and my family.

Henrietta Barnor:

Family? Didn’t you tell me your parents and siblings are late?

Michael Ansah:

My dear, let’s go in because I doubt if you are ready to hear the answer that will follow. He said he is working on the night shift, so he can render a proper account to you by the end of the week. Maybe this time around, he wants to cater for the servicing fee or coach Adamu I dey lie?

Driver:

You are very right my boss.

Henrietta Barnor:

I am sensing some foul play somewhere, and I promise you I will get to the bottom of this.

Michael Ansah:

Let’s go in my dear, for my brother is in danger back in the room. Coach Adamu we shall meet again very soon.

Henrietta Barnor:

What is wrong with your brother? I have been here for quite some time now, and I knocked at the door several times but no one opened the door, so I left to get a taxi back home since I didn’t inform any of you that I will be coming over.

Michael Ansah:

Really? Hope these hoodlums haven’t murdered my brother already ooo.

Henrietta Barnor:

Murdered? How and why would they do that? God please don’t let what we are thinking come to pass, we beg of you my saviour. Mike the way this place is quiet, I am a bit scared ooo, should I call the police?

Michael Ansah:

Herty honestly, I am equally scared but wait, don’t call the police yet. Hide under the staircase as I go to the top. When you hear the sound of me whistling three times, then it means call the police but if you hear it twice then I want you to join me upstairs. Do I make myself clear?

Henrietta Barnor:

(draws close to Mike and plants a short soft kiss on his lips) Please take care of yourself and make sure nothing bad happens to you my dear.

Michael Ansah:

(looking very surprise after getting the kiss) Herty did you just plant a kiss on my lips? Do you mind doing that one more time for it to boost my confidence.

Henrietta Barnor:

(in a low tone) Hey your brother is waiting for your help up there. Just keep yourself safe and I promise to give you more when you return.

Michael Ansah:

Are you sure you are not deceiving me? I don’t like promise and fail ooo.

Henrietta Barnor:

Where I come from, we don’t go against our words or promises. Now, go and help your brother for he needs your help before it’s too late.

Mike grabs a coca cola bottle that he sees lying down and gives a heavy breath. He looks at Henrietta with a burning desire and he takes steps to the staircase. He tiptoes to the top and gets to the door of Quincy. He holds the door handle to open it but he realises the door is locked, so he moves to a place where a spare key has been hidden and was lucky he gets the key.

He moves back to the door and inserts the key in, turns the knob and the door opens. He pushes himself in with a force and Quincy slams the door behind him and throws the frying pan at Mike which hits his forehead. In self-defence, he also throws the coca cola bottle and it hits the forehead of Quincy. Funny enough, they all scream ‘aaaaajei’ at the same time and they sit on the floor.

Michael Ansah:

Is that you Quincy my brother?

Quincy:

Yes that is me, and is it you Kwaku Mike my brother?

Michael Ansah:

Can’t you recognise my voice any more? See how you threw that thing at me! My head is even aching me right now.

Quincy:

Oh, you mean the frying pan? Abi you also threw something at me which hit my forehead very hard and it has even started swelling.

Michael Ansah:

You mean the coca cola bottle I threw hit your forehead? Then it is one-one draw my brother. Now, where are the people who wanted to attack you, because I was very ready for a serious fight if I came to meet them here? The way I am charged up erh, I can fight a whole battalion, and I will not even feel I have done anything. Oooh I say where are they, because no one steps on the tail of the cobra and goes away free.

Quincy:

I don’t know where they went ooo my brother. I am sure they got scared when I told them to come in and face me.

Michael Ansah:

My brother I know you very well, are you sure you told them that? How can you ask someone to come into your room when you have locked the door?

Quincy:

You too how do you fight a whole battalion without getting tired? You told a lie and I also told mine so why are you taking it personal?

Michael Ansah:

Who said I have taken it personal? Let me put on the light so I can check how bad my injury is. And hey, what did you throw at me like that?

Quincy:

(walks to a big mirror on the wall) You will see it when you switch on the light.

Michael Ansah:

(screams when the light is switched on and he saw what was thrown at him) Holy Mary the mother of Jesus Christ! Quincy, how could you be so wicked to throw a whole frying pan at me? What came over you?

Quincy:

You are even lucky I didn’t throw the roller in my hand rather. How would I know it was you and I was only defending myself because they say “the best way to attack is to defend”. You equally threw a bottle at me and look at the way my forehead has swollen. But for those people if they had made a mistake and walked in here eh, like they will smell hot pepper.

Michael Ansah:

(holding his forehead) Jack, are you sure some group of people came here at all? From my calculations, I believe you got something wrong here. I will get to the bottom of this matter right here and now. (blows a whistle twice)

Henrietta Barnor:

(walks in shortly and sees the face of the guys in the room) Hey what is going on here with you guys? Your foreheads have swollen like Kwahu mountain. Did you bump into each other or what?

Michael Ansah:

Ask again my dear. This idiot here threw that thing at me when I entered the room.

Quincy:

Hey hold it there you cheat! Won’t you also add yours to it? See, he also threw that coca cola bottle at me which hit my forehead as well so it’s a one-one draw thing.

Henrietta Barnor:

Guys so where are the people who came here to attack Quincy?

Michael Ansah:

Thank you for that brilliant question. Now Oga I beg, oya answer her now now now.

Quincy:

Don’t be silly my friend. I was inside and they were outside, so how would I know where they passed?

Henrietta Barnor:

Mmmmm if I may ask, what time did those people come to your end?

Quincy:

About 25 or 30 minutes ago.

Michael Ansah:

That was around the time you called me, right?

Quincy:

Exactly so; I was standing behind the door when I made that call.

Henrietta Barnor:

Ah I was around by that time. If I am not wrong, I was by your door around that same time knocking, but I didn’t see anyone or group of people around. I knocked several times but no one came out, so I went to the roadside to see if I could get a taxi back to my house, because I didn’t inform you guys that I will be coming over.

Michael Ansah:

Herty how many times did you knock on the door?

Henrietta Barnor:

About two or three times before I gave up.

Michael Ansah:

(gives a very loud laugh) Hahahahaaaa my goodness, Jesus come and see Christ!. Awwwww power boy, so all the bragging and the last minute Apostles Creed you recited was for nothing?. See you are a………

Quincy:

Hey what was this laughter for?

Tbc