The Coffin Maker Episode 3

0
395

I saw my third daughter with a guy in the uncompleted room making love. I screamed at them and when my daughter saw me, she started trembling like she has seen the ghost of Okomfo Anokye.

Opana

Bernice, what are you doing here at this time of the day and who is this baboon you are hiding in here with?

Bernice

Erm, ermmm, ermmmmm…….

Opana

(shouting at Bernice)

Since when, my daughter, did you start stammering? You better talk now before I slap you for your teeth to come out from your mouth.

Guy

(sensing danger now, brings out a tape measure from his pocket)

Oh, Sir, I’m a fashion designer and I’m taking your daughter’s measurement so I can sew a very nice dress for her.

Opana

(pulls his measuring tape out also and starts to measure the guy)

That’s very thoughtful of you. Do you know that I’m also a carpenter? I specialised in coffin making so I’m taking your measurement so that I make a very nice coffin free of charge for your family.

Guy

(almost crying)

But sir, I’m not yet dead and neither am I dying any time soon.

Opana

Oh don’t worry young man. I will do you the honour of taking your life and when you meet Lucifer on your way to hell leading the hell choir, tell him to leave a space for me in the choir because I learnt it feels good singing in hellfire.

Bernice

Oh daddy. He was only measuring me for a dress he wants to sew for me as he told you earlier on.

Opana

Shut that door you call a mouth before I clamp it down with a 6inch nail, you foolish spoilt brat! How did you get the chance to sneak out from the house erh? What time was it? And as for you young man, if you have heard very well of Opana “the rough boy”, you would be saying your last prayer to God. Now come closer and bring out whatever you have in your pocket. Drop it in front of me, Mr Fashion Designer. I never knew that fashion designers take measurements of your clients in uncompleted buildings and when doing so the clients end up moaning. What is your name and where do you come from?

Guy

My name…name is Fred Yeboah. I’m the first child of Opanyin Kwadwo Yeboah and I’m from this town.

Opana

Do you mean Opanyin Kwadwo Yeboah, that womanizer who tried to have sex with that widow in the bush and was chased by some boys? And was later attacked by a swarm of bees when he went to hide in the public toilet?

Fred Yeboah

Mmmm sir please it’s not true that my father tried having sex with that woman. It was……

Opana

Shut up, you womanizer. Now I see this bush and uncompleted building romance runs in your genes. That is the area of your specialization. Today, your works have come to a very successful end because I will kill and bury you right here, right now. Look at the things you have in your pocket; a pack of condom, chewing gum, sticks of cigarette, mobile phone, wallet and a white envelope.

Fred Yeboah

Sir please what you are seeing has a different interpretation because I don’t smoke either am I a condom fan. The chewing gum I will be sharing it for the children in my house and……..

Opana

(starts to collect the things in front of him and places it in his pocket)

Don’t worry my boy. I love smoking very much and with the condom, I have a very crucial match to play with my wife and she said she is not safe so she requested for this very particular condom. As for the chewing gum, I will chew it when I’m done smoking so that no one will smell the tobacco flavour from my mouth. As for your wallet which looks very original with the python leather that it was made of, I have seized it. What is in this white envelope?

Fred Yeboah

Please Sir you don’t want to know the content in the envelope. Please let me have it and God will richly bless you.

Opana

Herh are you that daft? So what did you tell my daughter that she had the effrontery to sneak out and meet you? I just asked you what was in the envelope and you are telling me that I don’t want to know. Well, the envelope is in my hand so why do I even ask you what is in it.

Bernice

Oh Papa! Please listen to what he is saying.

Opana

May thunder fire you, you cheap harlot! You couldn’t get the decency for him to even take you to his house or the guest house behind the cemetery. I wonder if my blood runs through your bloodstream at all. Ashawo kobo kobo. (tries to open the envelope)

Fred Yeboah

Sir please don’t open it, please!!!

Visit pobsonline.com for more amazing stories and search for Pobsonline on Google Play store or click here to download our Android App

Opana

(eyes opens wide seeing what is in the envelope)

Herh Bernice! Go home right now before I pounce on you like a lion who hasn’t gotten any prey to feast on for days.

(Bernice runs from the uncompleted building before her father strikes/hits her)

Opana

Hahahahaha olalaaaaa!!! So you have this kind of money on you and you brought my daughter to this dilapidated place to fuck her huh? You know what? I have seized it and even if God comes here to plead for you, I won’t accept his plea. How much does it cost to book a room in a guest house? Because you don’t respect or regard my daughter as somebody, you bring her here for your one corner action. I never knew my Presbyterian God loved me like this. If I wasn’t led here by the spirit of those I have sold good coffins to, I would have missed this good thing. All the same, I’m taking this money as compensation for anything you have been doing to my daughter since you got her.

Fred Yeboah

Sir I swear with my life; I haven’t touched her before. This is the first time she agreed to meet me and she even opted for us to meet here. I haven’t even seen her beads and pant yet.

Opana

You see your life? I taught you said you were taking her measurement for a dress you want to sew for her. I always tell my daughters that a liar has no memory. You see how you are contradicting yourself now. If you don’t leave my face right this moment, I will report you to the chief of this town that I caught you trying to rape my daughter who is not 18 years old yet. You and your father have the same character and no wonder they say like father like son. Indeed, the crab doesn’t give birth to a bird. Your father did his in the bush and you wanted to do yours in an uncompleted building.

Fred Yeboah

But sir she said she is 21 years of age and that she is a big girl.

Opana

(cuts in sharply)

Are you challenging me with my daughter’s age?

Fred Yeboah

Please I’m not challenging you on what you said but I’m rather telling you what your daughter told me earlier on and please the money is not mine. I have been sent to deliver it to my family head so please sir tamper justice with mercy.

Opana

So the money that you were sent with was what you used as a bait to lure my stupid daughter here so that you disvirgin her right?

Fred Yeboah

Sir your daughter is not a virgin oh. She has spoilt there already with about 17 guys and I’m the 18th guy.

Opana

(opens mouth widely and starts screaming)

Whaaaaat? Are you mad? If you don’t leave here right now, I will kill you and nothing will happen after that, foolish boy.

(Fred Yeboah takes to heels and runs for his dear life)

Opana

(peeps if the guy has truly left and brings the money out from envelope) Where did I sleep today Kofi Ansah? 50cedis note bundle right in my hands. I will spoil myself today with this money in my hand. Does it mean that what Eno Bruwa’s disrespectful daughter said to me earlier on is true? I will deal with these girls this evening.

Tbc