The Coffin Maker Episode 27

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As Opana got to the church his walking had changed because of the alcohol intake and he couldn’t even stand on his feet very well. The usher who was close by received Opana beautifully and gave him a seat close to the window so that the fuse coming from his mouth will be blown away by the wind.

Usher

Sir, please looking at your condition now, please take a seat close to the window so that you can get fresh air.

Opana

Where is my wife sitting? I want to join her wherever she is sitting.

Usher

Mmmm, sir please your wife is an executive of the women’s fellowship so she is sitting with her group members.

Opana

I see your mind young lady, you don’t like me and I equally don’t like you too. I know what to do so don’t worry. Since you said I should sit here I will peacefully sit here but the pastor will hear about your conduct towards me.

Some few minutes later it was offering time and the praises team led the congregation to do that, the ushers directed the members on how they will go about things, Opana followed some people to the front of the church to give his offering and as he was done he went back to his seat.

Later the session clerk mounted the podium and Opana went out to urinate since the beer he took was manifesting in his system and it was in the washroom where he realised he had made a big mistake. He got to know that the five cedis (1cedi notes) he intended to give out as offering was nicely folded in his left pocket and the last two hundred and fifty cedis(50cedis notes) was no longer in his right pocket. He started sweating all of a sudden and the alcohol in his system started clearing from his eyes immediately.

His mind took a quick flashback tour and he quickly realized where the money was. Oh no!!! How could I be that careless to drop the two hundred and fifty cedis into the offering bowl instead of the five cedis I budgeted for? I have to go and get my money back before is too late. Opana goes back to the church and walks straight to the pulpit to confront the session clerk.

Opana

Excuse me sir, but there is a big mistake I did which am here to rectify.

Session Clerk

(puts the microphone off) Sir, please if there is a mistake or problem kindly wait for me to be done with my announcement so that I help you solve it.

Opana

No, my brother, this can’t wait, it is a serious matter which requires the needed urgency so please give me the attention I want now.

Pastor

(seeing what is going on makes a move to Opana and the clerk)

Hello, my brother please is there a problem? Please tone down your voice so we solve this issue amicably.

Opana

Pastor there is a big and serious problem over here. When leaving the house to church this morning I planned on how I was going to do my spending over here and I intended to give an offering of five Ghana cedis which is five 1Ghana cedi notes which were in my left pocket but unfortunately, as we were asked to come forward and give the offering I mistakenly dipped my hand in the right pocket and took the last two hundred and fifty cedis which were five 50cedis notes out and dropped it into the offering bowl. I just realised my mistake so I came for you to give me back the money so you take the five Ghana cedis rather.

Pastor

Hmmmm, my brother in Christ what you are requesting for can’t be possible, you see monies that come to the house of the Lord doesn’t go back even if what you are saying is true.

Opana

(raising his voice) This is nonsense, preposterous and catastrophic. how can you tell me this and what do you expect my family to eat this evening with the money in your custody? You better say something reasonable here before I start dirtying myself here and now. Let me first sound this caution to you people that I don’t respect myself a single bit and if you don’t treat this matter respectably and professionally erh, this place will not be big enough to contain us.

Akua Yankey

(seeing what is going on makes a move to her husband) My dear please tone down your voice and tell me what the problem is because you are creating a scene here in the church.

Opana

Nonsense!!! You better stay out of this before I channel my anger on you. You are telling me that trying to retrieve my money is a scene? Wait and see what will happen here if I don’t get my money.

Pastor

My brother please calm down for we are in the house of the Lord and in the house of the Lord there is peace, harmony, love and order. So kindly calm down so we get to the bottom of this issue.

Opana

If there is peace, love, harmony and order as you say, then please let me have my money and go to my house in peace for you to continue with your order of service. I don’t want to be seen as a trouble maker because am a law-abiding citizen.

Pastor

How sure are you that, you even dropped that money in question into the offering bowl and not somewhere else?

Opana

Excuse me, sir? What are you trying to insinuate? Do you see me as a gold digger or what? Go to where the money has been placed and check through it if you won’t see five 50cedis note folded together in the offering bowl. Please don’t make this simple matter any big issue for people to see me differently because that money in there has some important things to do.

Pastor

My brother as I earlier on said to you that in the house of the Lord, monies that come here don’t go back to the owner again. This could be a covenant between you and God for him to elevate you higher and open closed doors for you. This could be a blessing in disguise so hold your faith and trust in the Lord.

Opana

What do you mean pastor? Do I have to go into an unplanned covenant with God before he opens closed doors for me? Are you not aware that doing good or giving something that doesn’t come from your heart to God is a sin and rather brings curses upon your life? The bible even makes it clear that heaven suffers violent and if I try to use a matured means of dialogue to retrieve my money and it fails, I will use force then. Am a very fucking and silly man inside so please respect yourself and get my money for me before I start doing my rough things here.

Akua Yankey

My love, you are embarrassing me and the children here, please stop this and let us go home.

Opana

I will slap you if you don’t keep quiet and stay out of this matter. All these negative things that are happening today am holding you responsible for it. I failed to read the signs that came before me this morning when that foolish boy splashed the muddy water on me. I was supposed to stay home without even moving out of the house to any place. Now pastor for the last time I will urge you to take my simple plea and release my money for me quietly or else you will see the very bad side of me which you will not like.

The church auditorium had by now been thrown into a frenzy mood where some people had started gossiping whiles others were murmuring. Michael and Bernice Ansah who were feeling embarrassed at that moment joined their mum to confront their dad so they persuade him from creating any further scene in the church auditorium.

Michael Ansah

Papa, can you please calm down a bit, look at the number of people around that you are doing this? We can solve this matter quietly without stepping on any toes or making noise.

Pastor

God bless you my son for your wise counsel but the truth is that the money is with the Lord now and we can’t do anything about it now to get the money back.

Opana

Thunder fire you there, pastor, where and when did God come in to take the money the members of this church just contributed? Is God a bank or an accountant that he now keeps money that is raised in the church? You see the evil ways of man? Have you people thought of the reason why the church is not opened 24hours and the police station is always opened 24/7?

The place that we Christians will run for refuge has now rather turned into a place of deceit and evil doing and for me, I won’t stand for my fellow man to cheat me. If I don’t get my money now, hell will break loose right away.

Meanwhile, Agnes Kyerewaa has also made a call to someone and she is about to meet the person, I know her plan is diabolic but who could this person be?

Tbc