As we celebrate Valentine’s Day , I share a special guest post on relationships from lifestyle and relationship blogger, Kwadjo Panyin.
Dear Married Men Chasing Single Women,
Let me start with a resounding applause for daring to take the giant leap into the institution of marriage. My fellow bachelors and I are still burning the midnight oil hoping to graduate and receive a marriage certificate someday.
Please note that once upon a time, I also carried the coveted title of husband. Having walked a mile in your shoes, it took me a while to decide to finally pen down this letter.
Is the juice worth the squeeze? In other words, will this letter alter your desire to chase single and available women? The answer, very likely, is a big NO! This letter is not meant to ask you to stop competing with bachelors for single and available women. It is just meant to make you aware of the impact your presence is having on the dating scene.
First of all, your conquests for single women has drastically changed the vetting process bachelors like myself go through when we meet someone new. Thanks to you, single women no longer ask if I have a girlfriend, they demand to know if I am married. I used to get upset and confused when a single woman demanded to know if I had a wife.
“Why on earth will I be romantically interested in you if I have a wife?” I would ask in dismay.
I was naïve then but I get it now. Married men have relentlessly approached so many single women that, they have no choice but to inquire if a newly interested man is hitched. “Are you married?” is now, unfortunately, an expected question for single men who express a romantic interest in a woman. Not only are we being probed, we are being subjected to rigorous background checks, intense interrogations, and random ‘inspections’ under the guise of unannounced video chat calls; all in an effort to verify that we are indeed, not married. I never thought I’d ever have to prepare a mountain of evidence to prove that I am not married when I met someone. I once told a woman I had just met that my Facebook relationship status showed “single” and there was no evidence on my profile to indicate that I was married. “Oh yeah?” She snapped back. “I once unintentionally dated a married man for 6 months. His Facebook profile looked exactly like yours.”
Secondly, we are literally being blocked from meeting single and available women and I mean, literally. I was once at an event with a fellow bachelor. As we were scouring the scene for single women to chat with, we realized to our astonishment, that our married friends were all busy chatting up every available single female on the scene.
“Shouldn’t we be the ones all over these girls?” my friend asked laughing.
“I know right!?” I responded.
We see you at parties and events without your rings sometimes, blocking our access to single women. Every time you try to pick up single and available women in public, you are literally hindering our chances. It is not a secret that you sometimes successfully start affairs with single women. Regrettably, some single women chase after married men also. In most cases, the affair is an arrangement where you both benefit somehow. Chances are, the single women you have affairs with are not that active on the dating scene thus blocking the chances of potential suitors. It is quite disheartening to think and to know that you, a married man, is having sex with some poor chap’s future wife.
The final and most damaging impact your presence has on the dating scene is one that solidifies and provides proof that men are liars and cheaters. The constant harassment imposed on single women by married men is creating a horrible reputation for men in general. Single men are constantly on the defense because a lot of married blokes are still very active on the dating scene. Actively searching bachelors are working hard every day to place themselves in a good position to attract the best women out there. We are holding down good jobs, saving money, hitting the gym, bleeding our bank accounts on countless dates; all in an effort to find a good woman and also join the married men’s club.
Our hard work is meaningless if the women we meet cannot get past the notion that men are liars and cheats. Thanks to you, most single and available women are struggling with their need to settle down and their fear of men as liars and cheaters. Your lingering presence has caused most of the women we meet to be firmly rooted in the belief that their future husbands will behave exactly in that manner. It has not been easy cleaning up the bad reputation created by married men but my fellow bachelors and I are trying. After all, what choice do we have?
I am quite sure that the reasons I just gave to highlight the devasting impact married men are causing on the dating scene do little to tickle your conscience.
Some of you are at a point in your lives where you hate opening the front door to see a homely looking wife up to her elbows in dirty dishes, in the middle of cooking dinner or helping the kids with their never-ending homework. Sometimes, the door opens to total chaos; kids running around, a baby screaming, complaining teenagers and a nagging wife. Boy, does a man need a break in that instance? For some, the door opens to a peaceful home with a gorgeous wife most men will die for. Who or what is behind your door does not matter much as you are not satisfied.
It would feel good to walk into the welcoming arms of an alluring young lady in a quiet private room, pin her against the wall, lift up her skirt and handle your business. Infidelity is a somewhat temporary solution in my opinion. Your infidelity in the grand scheme of things, has a permanent impact and a cascading effect on the dating scene. Some unfortunate young women are lied to and get hurt in the process. They are used and abandoned and unfortunately, actively seeking bachelors get to deal with the aftermath.
Allow me to share a phrase which captures succinctly the painful reality of the constant presence of married men on the dating scene.
The runway to land a good woman to marry is very long. The runway becomes longer when married men linger in the single’s wing and compete.
As stated in the beginning, this letter is not to ask you to exit the dating scene. Vows have been made before God and you are accountable to no one but Him. It is not my duty to advise anyone to honor their vows or fix their marriage if they are unhappy. That said, please note that to the serious and actively searching single men and women, you appear as an insatiable person who has what he needs but is still roaming around looking for more.
The Single Brothers and Sisters
By Kwadjo Panyin