What is courtship?
Courtship is a period between when two people agree to get married and when they actually do. It is the process of selecting and attracting another for an intimate relationship. It is also a period when you get more acquainted with your would-be spouse.
However, despite the fact that you are getting closer to each other and getting to knowing each other better, courtship period should not be totally equated to marriage. This means that you can’t move in or sleep with your would-be partner, in the bid to get to know each other better. It is unhealthy and doesn’t allow you to establish a good foundation for your marriage.
A successful courtship is a necessary step towards a successful marriage. The reason many people experience misunderstandings and all kinds of trouble in marriage is because they did not have a successful courtship.
Keys To A Successful Courtship
* Spend quality time together:
To have a successful courtship, the man and woman in courtship must spend quality time with each other deliberating on issues such as their dreams, interests, viewpoints, callings or assignments, etc. This is why it becomes very important that you spend time talking together, not just looking at each other and saying, “Oh! You are so beautiful. I love you so much.” If you want to know a serious Christian, listen to him when he talks. It is impossible to separate an individual from his words. If your fiancé (e), for instance, only talks about money, it is an indication that he or she is a money-minded person. If, on the other hand, he is only interested in your physique, you will hear him speak of nothing else. Your words are an outflow of the thoughts of your heart. The Word of God says: How can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh (Matthew 12:34).
When my husband and I courted, every time I heard him speak, I knew the direction he was heading. I knew his convictions and it was similar to mine. As a result, it became easy for both of us to flow together. It is very important, therefore, that you create time for your to-be husband or wife.
This is very simple and significant, if you want to have a successful courtship. As intending couple, you must make out time to appear in public meetings together. These are limited to church services, wedding, matriculation and graduation ceremonies, public lectures, academic seminars and the likes. You must be mindful of how both of you conduct yourselves in public. How your partner-to-be responds to issues; his behaviour or reactions to annoying situations, etc., are signals of what the future holds. For instance, if he or she lacks Christian character, you’re heading for trouble by going into marriage with such a person. If you find out that for any social reason, such as height, age, educational differences, physical defects, personal carriage (self-esteem), eating manner, etc., you are ashamed to appear in public with your future spouse, you may never make a good couple. Therefore, be real and do not go through courtship with the eyes of your mind closed!
*Having pleasure in common things:
You must know that courtship is not just a time of prayer, fasting and studying the Word of God. Although these are of great importance, courtship is also a time of enjoying common things together. For instance, both of you may enjoy taking pictures. It is okay! Have fun, but avoid anything sinful. Such pictures can be kept for future references. The other day, I saw some pictures that my husband and I took before we got married more than thirty years ago! It was a lot of fun! Those times help you discover whether you are actually meant for each other or not.
The basis for a fruitful and lasting relationship in any family is a good and effective communication. Lack of communication in a relationship is the reason for so much tension in many homes. Good communication is the “mortar” that cements the marital relationship. Communication is the key to a successful courtship and marriage. A wise man once said, “If you talk together, you stay together.” I believe it is true because marriage is all about living together!
One of the easiest ways to communicate during courtship is through letters. This becomes very handy, especially if the individuals involved are not in the same city or town. There are also other means of communication such as telephone chats and text, etc, especially in these days of fast electronic media revolution. We also have electronic mails (e-mails) as another fast means of conveying messages.
Trust and Love is also very important. A very successful Courtship could be a clear indication of a successful marriage.