In the beginning stages of a relationship, it’s sometimes so easy to be hot-and-heavy that having sex on the regular is akin to breathing: It’s necessary for survival. Then life sets in and sex can be the last thing on your mind. “Most couples today are juggling busy schedules and sex doesn’t feel a priority,” relationship expert Andrea Syrtash says. “The issue is that if you don’t use it, you lose it. The less you have sex, the less you may desire each other. So, it’s essential to keep up intimacy in your relationship.”
According to Syrtash, these are the top culprits when it comes to sabotaging your sex drive and how to keep them at bay.
Fatigue
“Many women I’ve interviewed would prefer a nap over nookie,” Syrtash says. And add new responsibilities as a newlywed to a long day at work and your sex drive can take a nose dive. “It may sound counter-intuitive, but scheduling sex can be helpful for a busy couple,” recommends Syrtash. “Pick a day or days of the week when you’ll dedicate time to being together. Even though that may seem unsexy, you can spice up the day by sending each other flirty texts leading up to your rendezvous or getting creative in the bedroom when you are together.”
Busy or conflicting schedules
Whether you and your man work opposite shifts or your sexual alarm clock stimulates you at contradictory times, your sexual desires may not be in sync. “I’m a fan of discussing sex rather than avoiding it,” says Syrtash. “Tell your partner your general cut off times when sex doesn’t seem appealing and suggest alternatives — for example, ‘I’m a zombie after 10 p.m. Why don’t we try the morning?’”
Feeling undesirable
If you’ve looked in the mirror and found your reflection less than Victoria’s Secret model-worthy, you’re totally normal. But feeling that way can also affect your desire to get intimate with your man. “Make sex a priority,” Syrtash says. “Intimacy is an essential part of your relationship.”
Boredom in the bedroom
“Connect with your passions outside of the bedroom and you’re likely to get some of your spark back,” says Syrtash. You can do that, Syrtash says, by “[keeping] up your passions outside of your relationship. The best way to be passionate in your marriage is to know what turns you on and excites you outside of your marriage. When you’re excited about life and possibilities, you’re more likely to channel this energy into your relationships.”
As a final tip, regardless of what may be affecting your sex drive, Syrtash adds, “Just like anything in your relationship, sex needs should be communicated and negotiated. You and your partner may have different sexual appetites and preferences and that’s okay — part of partnership is figuring out each person’s needs and finding a way to meet in the middle. Rather than let days turn into weeks or months with no sex, nip the sex issues in the bud as soon as you can. The good news is, if you’re newly married you have time to work out the kinks in your kinky life!”
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