As a matchmaker, I’ve heard it all. So let me give you the inside scoop on the top five things that women do during the first few months of a relationship that drive men nuts and are often deal-breakers.
#1. Allowing insecurities to creep in.
Just the other day, a client was in my office telling me how his new fiancée couldn’t seem to get over the fact that when they first met, he only wanted to be friends with her. Apparently, it took him eight months before he decided to ask her out in a romantic capacity. He said that she would bring this up all the time to him, and it was driving him crazy!
Her feelings might be totally valid (everyone wants to be wanted immediately) but she should know that men don’t stay with women unless they actually want to. The fact that he chose her means a lot more than whatever happened before they started dating. Insecurities are not sexy. Squash whatever the issue is fast, and move on. Sadly, this insecurity cost this woman her relationship. He now wants to be with someone who is confident, secure, and who trusts him.
#2. Living in the past.
Like I mentioned above, if you bring up something from the past that has been bothering you about your boyfriend, let me tell you right now, he probably will not remember what you are talking about. He will either not remember, or be so tired of you bringing the incident that he is going to shut down and become extremely turned off. Guys do not like to be nagged or hassled, especially about things that happened in the past that they thought were resolved already, or didn’t matter that much to begin with! My advice is to calmly communicate at the time of an incident, and then let it go. If it’s not an incident that you can forgive and forget, then this relationship is not for you.
Jealousy is never sexy. It is one of the most common things that will prompt a man to break up with the woman he has been dating on the spot. If you care about the guy you are seeing, do not snoop in his phone or check his emails. If you are in a relationship worth staying in, there should be no reason for jealousy or snooping, because communication should be open and honest at all times. So no stalking and no stepping into the role of a private detective! This is a no-win strategy that will mean death for the relationship.
#4. Letting yourself go.
It happens all of the time. Women become comfortable in a relationship and they stop working out, maybe gain some weight, and cease putting effort into how they look. Don’t fool yourself. Guys notice this! They complain to me all the time about the girls they date not making an effort to look sexy for them anymore. Don’t let yourself go. Keep things spicy and sexy. You’ll feel good about yourself, and your man will love it! If I can do it, you can do it. After over 11 years of marriage, two children and balancing two businesses, I still have time to shave my legs, spruce up a bit, and put on the cute little nighty for my man. No excuses!
#5. Losing the fun.
So many girls are really interested in going out and hanging with their man’s friends in the beginning of a relationship, but a few months go by, and all of a sudden they don’t want to go out anymore. Their guy hanging with his friends suddenly becomes a huge problem, and the fun, easy-going girl that this guy fell for disappears. Guys hate this. Don’t let it happen, or else you may have a problem on your hands.
Men are very simple. What they need to be happy are compliments and respect to build their ego, and to have fun! They want a break from their day-to-day lives when they are with the woman they are dating. They do not want to be hassled, and they do not want to be nagged. Be yourself, but be sure to keep it low maintenance, fun, easy going, and sexy, so your man stays happy and your relationship lasts more than three months!