That fateful day, on my way home , I passed by a western restaurant in town . I remember telling Brian I would love to come there my next birthday . And then memories of us driving together and spending time together came back to mind , I smiled . I decided to step out of my car just to look around .Looking into the glass window , I spotted Brian and a lady sitting and they faced each other . The lady looked familiar but I couldn’t recollect where I knew her from . I looked closely and it was Carin . The lady from the seminar we attended some months ago. Brian’s work place had organised it then . But what was she doing there sitting with my husband , I thought ? Maybe it was a business meeting . I chuckled and decided to brush the idea off my head and head back home .
Suddenly , as I opened my door to get into my car , I saw Brian lightly brush her hair for her . I understood what that meant , I was so hurt; i was in shock.
I stood by my car for a while and after recovering from all that , I walked to the restaurant ; straight to where they both sat facing each other . I stood there right in front of them , not a tear in my eyes and just stared at them. Brian saw me and turned to look elsewhere.He didn’t look at me . I had nothing to say to him and there was no need saying anything.
Then Carin looked at me , then she looked at Brian. She stood up and wanted to leave . Then Brian stretched out his hand and stopped her . He starred back at me right in the face and again he looked different.
I just turned away . I could only hear my slow heart beat ; heartbeat after heartbeat. I couldn’t bear the pain if seeing my life partner with another woman . It was unbearable and If I stood there another minute longer , I might collapse together with the baby I had inside me . I cried as I drove. I stopped by the chapel to pray. I was so much burdened, I had no one to pour my heart our to , but God .
I arrived home feeling a little better . Dorothy sat watching t.v . She smiled at me as soon as she saw me ,I smiled back at her . It had been a while we talked and her usual jokes and her silly encounters with lecturers from her school sent me laughing like I had nothing to think about .We had wanted to retire to bed , but I felt Brian might come home and would probably be hungry , although I knew he was drifting away; I felt this peace within me.
We waited in the hall late into the night .Dorothy was good at staying awake till late into the night, but I was so tired , so I finally left her to sleep while she waited still watching her movie .
That night , Brian did not come home . I felt what he was trying to tell me was ; following mum’s death , so did our love for each other . Brian did not come home anymore .Seeing him in the coffee shop; in that restaurant with Carin , his lady , was the very last time I set eyes on him.
Sometimes when I returned home from work ,I could tell the cupboard had been touched. He had probably returned to take some clothing or something . Mostly he forgot closing the drawers , something he usually did .
I couldn’t believe what was happening to us . Was it not in that same garden, this big house we confessed our undying love for each other? The joy we felt to have our kids grow in this place we called home ? I closed my eyes as I stood at the balcony , the tears failed to fall….
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The desire I had to call him to explain everything to him vanished. I wanted to be alone and I was doing just fine . Dorothy was here with me , she never treated me any different despite everything that happened between Brian and I .
Days turned into weeks and soon became months . Dorothy was on vacation and I advised she spent it at aunty Betty’s but tried as I did , she refused . We spoke further about the issue one evening.( in the hall )
Dorothy : I can’t leave you in your condition Cece , I’ll have many vacations to spend after you deliver. Aunt Cece , i can’ t really bear seeing Brian treat you this way. I have been speaking to aunt ( suddenly I stopped her from speaking )
Me : Hey Dorothy dear , hope you did not mention any of what’s happening between Brian and I to your mum ?
Dorothy : No no , not at all. On the contrary , when I told her you’ll soon give birth , she told me to stay here and not come for the vacation at her place any longer and she sounded very serious.
Me : Oh thanks so much. I really appreciate everything you all doing for me . I pinched her and she screamed . We kept making fun of each other until we both finally went to bed.
The following morning , I went for one of my usual medical check ups with our doctor , doctor Jaden . Since I got to know I was pregnant , I had been going for my check ups all alone . Anytime I visited the hospital and saw pregnant women especially married women come to the hospital with their husband’s who help them through the physical examination, my heart breaks again and again.
It took my mind back to when I discovered I was pregnant few months ago ; a few of my colleagues at the office told me to consider aborting my child since I had no support from Brian . I totally disagreed and besides I was working and was capable of taking care of myself and my baby even if my child’s dad wasn’t willing to be there. I felt insulted and how disappointed mum , anywhere she was , would be with me if I should abort my child. Perhaps it was my way of repaying mum for being the cause of her death.
I left doctor Jaden’s office with my heart filled with joy. He told me Brian and I were going to have a baby boy , I was so happy , my joy knew no bounds.
I left the hospital that morning and I was sincerely happy. Nothing mattered to me any longer except my baby. I got home shouting Dorothy’s name like I had gone crazy .
She responded from the kitchen. ( she looked at me as though I was really crazy )
Me : But Dora why are you staring at me like am crazy huh ? I asked her furiously.
Dorothy : See Aunty Cece , you were screaming my name like you were crazy , what else can I do but stare at you crazily ? She said laughing.
Me : I won’t mind you , I told her she should be expecting a baby boy in our house soon. ( she screamed even louder than I screamed her name and gave me a hug ) .She was happy but not as happy as I was , that I was sure of .
So why are you preparing so much food today? What’s going on, are we expecting your crush today? I was trying to tease her , but she just kept laughing.
Dorothy : Haha , see whose talking , you have a visitor mum and you need to be upstairs in your room this very moment .
I was confused but I knew Dorothy very well , it must be she’s at her jokes again. I was already feeling tired , so I left her in the kitchen for my room . I walked into the sitting room and there Brian was. In our bedroom and on our small coffee table , there was this piece of paper. Without asking or looking , I knew exactly what it contained. Its been four months living alone without my husband’s support and I felt a little bit of peace within myself.
I was wearing a hat and a brown coat my mum sent to me during the graduation of my students at the dance school last month.
” You wait a while, I will sign “, I said. He looked at me , mixed feelings in his eyes but this time around; that look wasn’t there. It was a lot better. I could keep staring at those eyes because they looked receiving . As I hanged my coat , removing my hat , i just kept telling myself , ” Tracy , you cannot cry. ” I needed strength to do this , my eyes were hurting terribly but I refused to let the tears flow.
After I hanged my coat, his eyes spotted my bulging tummy . I saw him look at me very carefully , for the very first time . His eyes fixed at me , I smiled and walked over the coffee table; pulling the piece of paper towards me . Without looking at what it contained , i signed my name on it ; Tracy Hudson and pushed the paper towards him.
Just as i turned to join Dorothy at the kitchen , he spoke . ” Tray – see , are you pregnant ? ” . I turned and stood there ; i couldn’t move and couldn’t control my tears any longer , for they fell like rain drops…
To be continued…
