Things have gotten worse ever since Andrea and sandra had come over a week ago.
Kyle has sorta been giving me the cold shoulder.
my mum’s been growing depressed for some reason she just won’t tell me, and Michael’s just been drifting away from me ever so slowly.
I felt like I did something wrong, like I committed a murder, and everyone was against me.
I felt betrayed, lost, and alone.
I have tried talking to Kyle, but he never once glanced my way.
And it hurts, a lot.
Maybe even more than the first time he broke my heart, because he said he loved me, and when you love a girl, you fight for her.
No matter what.
But, I guess my hopes went through the roof.
And now, I’m alone again.
That was one thing that hurt me the most, but the other?
My brother, we haven’t had any contact in more than two years.
We used to be so close, and he promised he would be there through everything, really.
But, he never was.
He was never with me through anything since he left us and started a new life with his wife.
I don’t have anything against Grace, his wife, or anything.
I just I really miss him.
And I really need him right now.
But, I better not keep dreaming, because the more I do, the more I get hurt.
My head snapped towards the front door, which squeaked open, revealing a guy in a white v-neck, an unbuttoned jean button-down, and khaki skinnies.
Kyle closed the door behind him, not giving me one look, and headed straight upstairs.
I turned back on my heel, walking back to the home library, where I was going before I got lost in my thoughts.
My nerves got the best of me, and I began to bite my nails again.
I stepped into the library and closed the door quietly.
My hands blindly pulled out a book out of a random shelf, and I collapsed on one of the sofas.
Glancing at the cover of the book, I realized I had pulled out ‘Dangerous Love’ by Pamela James.
I have to give myself credit on that.
I never seem to pick out a book that doesn’t have anything to do with romance.
They are always some type of love story.
But, I just didn’t feel like reading anything today.
I felt sick, horrible.
I know I should be happy, especially because I had gotten a letter the day before, of my scholarship to both Yale and Stanford.
But, I really am not.
Because, it really hurts.
The way he said he loved me, it was truly the most amazing thing that’s ever happened in my life.
Or… at least, that’s what it would have been before.
But, when he told me all that, it brought back memories.
I felt this huge pain in my heart, and something killing me inside.
I felt I would get hurt if I were to say those words back to him.
And, I most certainly am sure that I may have been.
Especially now, that he is acting this way towards me.
I mean, if he really loved me, he wouldn’t just give up, would he?
He would have done something to prove that he was truly in love with me.
Something that meant more than words, since I walked away.
He would have fought for me, right?
I felt my lips tremble.
my eyes become glossy and start to sting with the tears I have been holding in for three weeks.
I tried being strong, but you can never be strong for too long.
My mum used to say, “Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. It means you have been strong for too long.”
But, I never believed that.
I actually was weak.
I always have been, and I always will be.
Before I knew it, I could taste the saltiness of my own tears.
The stinging in my heart became worse, and my silent crying became louder, without me realizing it.
I couldn’t hear myself sob, or hiccup every now and then.
I couldn’t think back to a single good memory, no matter how hard I tried.
Everything seemed to be… empty.
And I didn’t even know if kyle heard me or not, but I sure as hell hope he hadn’t.
Night fell silently, and by then, I had already been curled up, hugging myself tightly, as slumber approached me.
This slumber was like all of the other ones I dreaded.
Scary, horrible, uncomfortable, a nightmare.
And this time, there was no one there to protect me.
Just like every other time…