The two most important reasons for a relationship are mutual support and companionship. If the true purpose of anything is not known, abuse is inevitable. Today, many get into relationships for all the reasons you can think about.
Today, there are many ‘lie lie’ lovers everywhere; one or both partners in a relationship keep lying in many ways such as distortion of facts, hiding dark secrets from a lover and inappropriate acts.
Why lovers lie
Many lovers get into relationships only to have their needs met even when they don’t really love their partners. Many men get into relationships just for sex, while many women get into relationships for personal care including money for rent, food, services and medical care.
It is common to see a young girl with three boyfriends with each having a particular role to play for her comfort. Of course these men do not get to know they are only being used for a few moments of fun.
Some get into relationships to boost their social image or cover up their loneliness and deficiencies because in Ghana, single adults do not earn much respect. Many women boast of being in relationships with popular singers, footballers and politicians.
Some tell their partners what they are not just to make their lovers see them bigger than they are. For example, a woman had always known her man as a successful businessman. It was only when he was arrested that she got to know him as an armed rubber
Others are reluctant to tell the truth for fear of shame, hurting their lovers or losing their relationships. Many hide children outside marriage, hereditary diseases, prison records, infertility, multiple relationship, serious previous relationships, income, positions at workplace and academic qualifications.
Some lie to avoid argument, tension and quarrel. For example, a woman knows her man is not performing well in bed but chooses to fake orgasm and praise her man for performance so that he is not hurt. Again a woman is quiet. The lover asks what is wrong. She answers there is nothing wrong but her body language clearly shows there is something wrong but she finds it safer not to talk about it.
Studies show that lies in relationships are normal protective reactions which begin at childhood. Many want intimacy and love but do not know how to go about it, especially when they feel it is not safe to be honest about some issues.
Are you a ‘lie lie’ lover?
Take a close look at your relationship. If you are a ‘lie lie’ lover, you know it. Accept today that lies undermine moral character and endangers a relationship. Anytime you hold back the truth, you create a self-wound which preys on your mind and prevents you from committing fully to your relationship.
When you lie, you must tell more lies to cover one lie until you are caught in a web of lies which become a time bomb and may blow up in your face when you least expect it.
Lies in relationships are almost always found out. Therefore, make every effort to be truthful to your lover, especially about your time, friends of the opposite sex, work and money.
Studies also show that we cause half the dishonest acts of our lovers by our blaming behaviour and unrealistic expectations. A lover commits one error and apologises but it becomes a permanent reference point in all your future conflicts and this makes your lover think it is better to tell a lie. Therefore, if you want your lover to tell you the truth, first make it safe for him or her to do so.
Anytime you suspect a lie, calm down and discuss your concerns in a diplomatic way. Request for explanation and listen with empathy. Ask if you are doing something that makes it difficult for your lover to tell you the truth so that you make it safe to exchange the truth.
Honesty is the building block on which all other aspects of your relationship are built. It is, therefore the, most important determinant of the health of your relationship. Make no room for middle or half ways. Resolve to come clean at all times.
This may sometimes hurt but it creates transparency and allows the relationship to grow even in hard times. The Good book has a simple advice; Truth is more precious than gold. Buy it and don’t sell it.