My mother looked at me and smiled,
“What is making you so happy mom, is the fact that my wedding day is pushed further or that you are hoping I and Ketty are no longer together?” I asked her. She shook her head and sighed siting up.
“come to think of it my son, every time your wedding comes closer something comes up and its pushed further, first it was my accident, then the priest to officiate your marriage goes out of town, hmm don’t you think that is a sign?” she giggled
“Mom it’s not funny, if only you had not insisted on pushing the wedding, all this could have not happened” I looked at her.
“Don’t start Mario, just tell me how you are doing, it’s been long. Your brother told me you have practically moved in with your girlfriend. Isn’t that too early? Can’t you guys wait for the wedding?” she let a laugh teasing me.
“it’s not like that mom, it’s that we need to take care of Chi…” I paused before I could spill the news about Chisomo.
“Forget it mom, Sam is not saying the truth, I always go home, its just that we have a lot to do for the wedding and …”
“Shut up! Stop lying to me Mario” my mother cut me short.
“hey Mario, you are here?” I was relieved my chat with mom was cut short. my father walked in and sat near mom, I liked my father`s company because we talked about other things apart from marriage staff. He and I had been good together but not as close as he was with Sam, I liked the way he spoke about things, he really cared less what I was doing provided I was doing things in a morally good way.
“So how is Ketty?” he asked me after inquiring about work.
“She is fine though she is out of town, she went on some tour, she has to launch her book” I responded with a smile,
“Well, that is good, she really is good huh?” dad nodded his head at me.
“She is pretty good dad, I have read one of her books and she is good, unfortunately am not so much of a reader so I guess I have not tried to read another one. She loves writing and I will try support her”
“Hm, a woman moving about towns for a week and you to say she is marriage material” my mother chirped in sarcastically. I just looked at her and back at dad.
“I should get going now, I just came to check on you guys.” I stood up.
Passing through a mall I picked up some fruits and other food stuffs with Chisomo in mind, it was a day after I told her I was in love with her and she clearly gave me no reason to believe she felt the same for me.
“I don’t know what to do man, this girl is driving me crazy” I told my friend, the husband to Sera, who was best friends with Ketty. He looked at me and shook his head.
“The moment I heard what you guys are organizing I knew trouble was on its way my man. I mean, how can you?”
“hey, don’t put this on me man, it wasn’t my idea, you know how much I tried to shoot down this Ketty`s thinking but she wouldn’t listen to me. Now I cannot stop thinking about Chisomo man, she makes me feel, how can I put it?” I stood holding the trolley I was pushing still.
“she makes me feel like myself, I mean, it’s like I feel I could tell her anything you know, I don’t act like someone I am not, she never lets me down with whatever she says, she always says the right things and I cannot forget her soft body, i…”
“Oho woo! Man slow down” my friend stopped me.
“Don’t tell me you no longer love Ketty Mario, she is your girl and you guys are over the moon for each other, what? You have suddenly lost interest in the woman you are getting married to in a few weeks?” he asked.
“No, I love Ketty man”
“Hmm, you love her, you are just from fantasizing about another girl and you say you love her? Are you okey?”
“um, am confused man, honestly, Ketty is my woman, she understands me, we have a good relationship for years and have come a long way, she is mine and I know am marrying her in a few weeks as you put it but, I don’t know . I cannot stop my heart from feeling this warmth towards Chisomo” I told him honestly.
He looked at me and sighed, went on telling me I had to make a choice, and he insisted I stuck with the woman I was getting married to. He was right, I felt I had to make that decision as fast as possible before I hurt ketty and even Chisomo, they both were amazing women and I wanted to see them both happy.
That day as I drove to Ketty`s I received a call from Ketty telling I had to go check on Chisomo.
“Am on my way there baby don’t worry, how is the trip going there?” I asked to avoid further discussion about Chisomo lest let myself say what I never intended to say. She just reminded me I was to take Chisomo to see the doctor.
Chisomo was seated in the couch watching some movie the time I got there. She was clad in a wrapper and a sleeveless body top. I stood there watching her, she smiled as she watched.
“Wow, how amazing, she has a sweet smile” I thought to myself leaning my head on the door not wanting to interrupt her. She giggled at some scene and I smiled too. Clearing my throat, she quickly turned to look at me and sunk back in the couch.
“Hey” I greeted her going to sit near her but she moved to the edge.
“Mario, what are you doing here? “She responded instead
“I came to check on you Chisomo, besides, Ketty told me you are supposed to be checked by her doctor today and I thought I could come take you” I explained.
“Well, I don’t feel sick am okey, I don’t need to see a doctor” Chisomo spoke almost in a whisper.
“We will still go Chisomo, you know what I mean, you are not sick but you are pregnant, your appointment day is due and we will have to go and do likewise” I insisted, she looked at me and stood up.
“Well, let me change then” she walked on and I watched her admiring her every part of the body. I rebuked myself to behave.
That day when the ultra sound was done on her, I could see her smile when the doctor showed her the screen for the baby`s heartbeat, she looked so excited for the first time since she had that pregnancy and I couldn’t help feel good with her.
“That is the baby Mario, you see it? “she giggled looking at me.
“Yeah, it is, so heart taking I would say. So doctor is everything okey” I asked nervously.
“Yes, everything is fine my dear, the baby is coming up well and the mother too. Tell Ketty her sister is doing well” he added as we left his office.
The way back to Ketty`s was filled with chit chats, it was like the news of that baby had brightened up Chisomo`s heart and she talked more that day.
“Well I never knew I would feel like this” she confessed the moment we got to the house.
“Me neither, am so excited.” I responded as a matter of fact, we laughed softly, unconsciously I held her hand as we went sitting she looked at my face.
“Well, let’s make something to eat am hungry now” she tried to stand up but I held her back.
“Wait please” I begged without taking my eyes off her face.
“Don’t start Mario please, you…..”
Without hesitation i pulled her close to myself and kissed her gently. She tried to stand back but I wasn’t letting her go that moment. After a couple of minutes with her in a dilemma, she held on to my back I smiled in my heart as her hands wrapped around me.
Excited, I lifted her up and walked to the room she was sleeping in. she pulled back trying to say something but I could not let her. In her eyes I could see her passion and desire for me. She was fighting so hard to keep away but her body just like mine was betraying her for sure.
“Stop fighting it, I feel the same too. I love you” I whispered rubbing her fore head as I lay flat on her. Her soft breaths touching me and making my head clouded with emotions I could not explain. I felt belonging being so close to her.
“This is wrong Mario, we got to stop before things blow out of proportion” she whispered
“it’s too late, am already out of proportion now, I can’t, I missed you Chisomo, I cannot stop thinking about you, I want you to myself and I know am being selfish but what can I do?”
“Stop coming on to me like this Mario, don’t make my life harder than it is already” she started crying.
“I have nothing, my mother is gone and the only thing that is keeping me here is this baby am carrying, the moment the child is born I will be gone and you will be married to Ketty, so please stop torturing me with your love talks, stop looking at me the way you do and let me be” she was now crying looking at me. I wiped away her tears.
“Don’t do this Chisomo please, I want you” I whispered
“What about Ketty? “She asked sniffing in her tears.
“I, I don’t know, I …” I struggled to say a thing. I knew I was being unfair but I was not willing to let her go either, she was like a magnet that was pulling me close every time I wanted to stay away from her.
“Let go of me Mario, enough okey? You and I both know you will never be with me so why are you doing this?” she managed to push me away and stood by the window crying. I hated she was in pain and I needed to help her feel okey.
Slowly I moved to her back and hugged her from behind.
“Stop crying Chisomo, you are making me feel bad, I cannot have you cry, please stop”
“Do you still love Ketty?” she asked unexpectedly
“I love her yes and….” I responded not letting go of her.
“Then why are you standing here with me Mario?” this time she was facing me.
“I don’t know, I really don’t know Chisomo. Am I a bad person for loving two women? I love you both in different ways… ketty is my best friend we are great together, we understand each other and are so passionate and I love her, then there is you, you are like a fresh breeze, you make me feel myself and at peace, I love you at the same time I love her “
“Go on and leave Mario, it is evident you don’t love me as you think, maybe you pity me and that is all, but not to worry, am going to be okey. Am going to survive this and before you know it I will be gone. So leave already and please never talk to me about love or anything else, stop getting so close to me, concentrate on your marriage to Ketty and forget about me.” she empathized her points whilst pushing back her tears I could see her struggle.
“No, I…” I almost went close but she held her hand at me.
“Don’t come any close Mario, please. I have to rest now I feel tired” she shook her head as I tried to say another word. She went on and stood close to the window her eyes outside and I knew she was being serious, painfully I walked out and left the house.
“Chisomo, why are you pushing me away, I can see it in your eyes you feel something for me. What do I do now, my God what is happening to me?” I talked to myself as I headed home.
I was in a dilemma I had no idea what I was going to do, I felt my mind was so much confused I went to the Mess to have a couple of beers trying to get my thoughts off what was happening.
To be continued