***MISSION: AGAMA/HE-LIZARD HUNTING*** .
How can someone like me would be throwing stone around the street, I’ve done finally ridicule myself, coconut head. I said within myself .
Me: Cnn how do i go about this agama lizard hunting now? I don’t think i will be going back to fayemi again o, i dashed him my 500naira (Dash mean a bribe or something give out to an individual in 9ja pidgin English) .
Cnn: Pesman, don’t talk like that, we are in this together, am with you this mission must be effected .
Me: What do we do now? .
Cnn: Lets go and search for it .
Me: Ok boss .
***We started searching for agama-lizard, without knowing that my name at the end would be “HAD I KNOW” we searched all the area without seeing agama-lizard, we were about to give up when i saw “Samuel” Samuel was a little boy of 12years, he was “Dan Bansha boy” (Dan Bansha means “good for noting” in Hausa language northern part of Nigeria). Samuel was very stubborn boy in our area, i had once suggested to his mother that she should let him go to army boarding school maybe he might changed, only God knows*** .
Me: Samuel how far nah? .
Samuel: Egbon pes i dey oh (Brother pes i’m fine oh) .
Cnn: Samuel Samuel, the only big boy i love in this area, where are you going? .
Samuel: Egbon Sahara reporter, A.I.T (A.I.T AFRICAN INDEPENDENT TELEVISION) or cnn, whatever you nickname is, am going nowhere, just dey playing in the street .
Cnn: That’s my guy, ehn Samuel i have one deal for you o ,
Samuel: Oya ejami si, sebi oro Lori owo ni? (Tell me please, hope its matter of money?) .
Cnn: Yes it is, we need agama-lizard .
Samuel: Like how many, and how much are you paying? .
Me: Just only one and we will pay you 100naira for it .
Samuel: **Cheerfulness** oya let the game begin ***The three of us continued the searching of forbidden meat (agama-lizard) suddenly we found three different agama_lizard we ran after them separately, i picked one heavily stone and ran after the lizard, the lizard also ran for its dear life, nobody wants to die, the lizard climbed the wall of uncompleted building. I stretched my hand ready to stone the lizard. beside the uncompleted building was neatly parked Toyota camry car, i throw the stone with all the mighty in me, but i was unlucky. Only God know what diverted the stone from the direction of lizard to direction of parked car, the stone smashed the windscreen of the car the glass shattered everywhere, hmmmm “had i know”*** .
Cnn: What is that? .
Me: Cnn am in trouble, have mistakly broke someone’s car glass **He came to where i stood he saw the glasses everywhere** .
Me: What do we do now? .
Cnn: Thank God nobody saw you, we have to run because we can’t afford to buy the glass o.
Brother cnn and pesman where are you? You should come here o, Have killed one Samuel called on us, we walked to him, carried the agama_lizard he just killed, cnn wrapped it with Lynon, i gave Samuel 100naira as promised, we left the spot without telling Samuel about the crime i just committed.
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10MINUTES LATER, FAYEMI’S SHRINE .
Baba here is the agama-lizard cnn said to fayemi, he dropped the lizard on the floor .
Fayemi: Ekare, elo ma sere ni ita tobato asiko mapeyin (Weldone, you should go and playing outside when its time i will called you) .
**We went outside to play as instructed by fayemi** 45min later fayemi called us, we walked in .
Fayemi: Eku ori re, moti pari ise yin (Congratulations have finished your work) he gave me one small cup of cream .
Fayemi: You will be rubbing it all over your body after you take your bath in the morning, women will be running after you .
Cnn/Me: Thank you sir **I brought out another 500naira note from my pocket gave him and left his shrine. On our way home my phone rang, i checked who was the caller, same person noni, Dupe** .
Me: Hello love .
Dupe: Pesman weldone oo .
Me: what did i do? .
Dupe: i don’t have much airtime on my phone, just want to tell you i’m on my way to lagos, my mummy called me to come, its an urgent call, i will be back in the next 3 days times bye
**she hanged up, Thank God the monitoring spirit have travelled, i will be able to execute my project** .
I didn’t sleep in CNN house that day because i want to rub the cream as early as possible in the morning so i went to my room to sleep. Early the next day i woke as early as 4:30am took my bath rubbed the women spiritual cream all over my flesh by 5:15am i was done, i put on black jean and white hacket polo with white sneaker, i put my phone inside my pocket, ready for the first woman to approach me.
A knock sounded on my door. who could be knocking my door by this time of the day? first victim I guessed. I moved closed to the door and opened it, i was shocked with who i saw, standing before me was Samuel, his mother, two police men and one young man that i never met before. You are under arrest, one of the police said to me. .
HAD I KNOW I WOULDN’T EMBARKED ON AGAMA- LIZARD HUNTING .
To be continue