The Coffin Maker Episode 85

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Albert:

Daddy I hope you are not trying to find a way to join the list of my worse enemies? You know, this silly joke of yours could earn you a bullet in your head if you were not my dad, and losing you could be a big loss to me.

Boss:

Hey, that is a gentle way to threaten your dad you know. I love the man you are growing up to be but honestly, that guy dealt with you mercilessly. If not for the fact that you are my son, and the fact that I have known you all my life, like I will mistake you for someone else my son.

Albert:

Can we please change the topic dad? I don’t find your jokes amusing, and it is only boiling my blood within my veins. Dad, I feel like strangling someone this very moment (he squeezes the banana he has in his hand)

Boss:

Easy my son; learn to control your temper before you channel it to the wrong person. Have the spies you appointed to get this guy surfaced with any information about him yet?

Albert:

Not yet dad. Their tactics and efforts to me are very slow and I want to do things my own way. I want to do the Rambo style techniques, but it’s because of you that is why I am taking things easy.

Boss:

It is good you know I am around that is why you are taking things easy. See, the police are on my tail right now concerning the death of that swine I gave visa to hell some few days ago. I have warned the boys not to engage themselves in anything bloody until I give them the clearance, and with that even, it must be in my presence.

Albert:

(hits his hand on the dining table) So does it mean that fool will go unpunished? Dad, will you sit down and watch some silly idiot disfigure the face of your only child and go scot-free?

Boss:

(gnashes his teeth as he talks with his hands balling into a fist) Never ever in your naive life raise your voice at me again son! You know no one plays with the lion’s child and goes scot free without facing the wrath of the lion himself. I am the king of the hoods and ghettos in Africa. When I talk; it becomes law, when I sneeze it breeds trouble, and when I snap a finger heads start rolling!.

See, the slow movement of the lion is not a sign of cowardice, but rather they are tailored and calculated moves to grab its prey. The man you are seeing seated next to you is worth billions in the field of havoc, commotion and inflicting pains to mankind. If Iddi Amin is wicked than me, then it was because he was a dictator and he chewed snakes.

If Adolf Hitler was meaner than me, then it’s because he was in the army and brought war to the world. If Osama Bin Laden was wicked than me, then it was because of the plane he bombed on 9/11 in the United States! See, my small head is worth over 5000 terabytes of wickedness.

The hunter doesn’t discuss things that go on in the forest, but I want you to be rest assured that so far as I am your dad, and I am still counted among the living, the Controller of the drug Game in Accra, the Provost of drug Cartel in Ghana, the Admiral of drug Conglomerate in West Africa and the Field Marshal of drug business in Africa, I will fish that guy out in no time. Does the golden fish have a place to hide in a fish pond?

Albert:

No dad, there is no hiding place for a golden fish in a fish pond.

Boss:

Good, so watch my steps and follow carefully because, some places I step might be very slippery. My enemies always fall when they try to walk on the path I thread, but you being my son, I will show you the codes and secrets to overcome those barriers. Join me to take my food, for there are a lot of things for us to catch up with. There are some of my businesses and deals that I will like you to spearhead in the coming days, and I pray you don’t disappoint me because they are worth thousands of dollars.

Albert:

Disappoint you? Then your blood doesn’t flow in my veins or I am not your biological son. I am poised for any task or mission you delegate me to do daddy. I am giving you my word and I promise to make you proud of me daddy.

Boss:

I am happy to hear that my son. It’s because of you that is why I am worrying myself this way. This business empire I am building will be yours soon, so I want you to learn everything about this business at an accelerated speed because my competitors are trailing me with a twin-turbo engine.

At the Roadside:

Michael Ansah:

My dear why don’t you spend the night here? It’s already late and going home alone isn’t safe. You know how dangerous the world is now Herty, and you being a lady make you very vulnerable to any form of attack easily.

Henrietta Barnor:

I am going to be okay my dear, you worry yourself for nothing. The important thing is for me to get a car home. My younger sister will be by the gate to open the door for me the moment I get home. If after 30 minutes I don’t get a car, I will give in to your demand and spend the night with you guys. Hope you will play the role of a good host?

Michael Ansah:

Of course Herty, be rest assured that the bed is going to be given to you to sleep peacefully and no funny movements will take place. You know first impression matters a lot.

Henrietta Barnor:

I know you guys are too gentle and civilized, so you won’t try anything silly, but my greatest concern is at dawn. I once went to sleep in my younger brother’s room and how they fired missiles at me at dawn erh. If I hadn’t run back to my room, like I will die from inhaling toxic waste into my lungs.

Michael Ansah:

Hahahaha, oh I now get your point and worry clearly. You are afraid of the farts you might receive from us at dawn, right? Well, I can’t promise you a missile-free night, as sometimes the rockets launch automatically even when we are not aware with the involuntary action, but I believe we will try and comport ourselves seeing your presence in the room.

Henrietta Barnor:

Hahahaha talking about the involuntary action, my elder sister’s baby once release a very loud and heavy missile that got her crying after the sound came out from her. That night the whole house laughed about the incident that my dad nearly choked to death. It’s one of the funniest days that I won’t forget ever in my life.

Michael Ansah:

I guess your little girl got scared with the sound that came out of her. Hey looking at the time, the 30 minutes you requested for is about to elapse and there is no sign of a taxi coming our way. I am afraid you will have to spend the night with us.

Henrietta Barnor:

(feeling bad and disappointed but sees a car light from the far end) Hey look at that side, there is a car coming and I believe it’s a taxi. Please let’s wait for it to pass first, and if it is a taxi and it’s empty I will go with it, but if not, then I am going to spend the night with you guys. Hope you are okay with the deal I am bringing on-board.

Michael Ansah:

Do I have a choice? Let’s wait and see the outcome of the approaching vehicle.

After some time of waiting for the approaching vehicle, the vehicle turns out to be that of Henrietta’s taxi.

Henrietta Barnor:

Adamu, what are you still doing around this place?

Adamu:

Madam as I dropped my boss here earlier on, I decided to go and turn the car at the extreme end but the car started jerking so I got down to service it and the moment I got it fixed this lady hired me to drop her in town.

Henrietta Barnor:

For you to be driving at this time of the day is even a mystery to me Adamu. I have told you on several occasions that, let only a professional mechanic touch my car when it’s at fault so why didn’t you park the car when it was jerking or whatever you claim?

Lady:

My love who is this woman and why is she asking you so many questions?

Adamu:

Fatima shut that thing you call your mouth up, and keep quiet before you incur my wrath. You demand and enjoy more than my wives even do and now you want to destroy my source of livelihood.

Lady:

That is why I am fighting on your behalf. I won’t let any lady intimidate you with any big grammar over here.

Adamu:

Fatima if you don’t shut your mouth erh, I will slap you for you to see stars in your eyes. Do you know who you are referring to that way? Do you want me to lose my job? If you were sent to come and destroy me, go and tell them that you couldn’t locate me.

Lady:

Lose your job? How can you lose your job when you told me that this car is yours when you started chasing after me? I don’t get something here ooo.

Adamu:

Eeeeiiii are you still talking with this loud mouth of yours. Can’t you just keep your mouth shut for a minute. If I lose my job erh you will see the other side of me.

Henrietta Barnor:

Adamu who is lady and don’t try lying to me either because if you do, that will be the end for you?

Adamu:

Madam, please don’t listen to the rubbish coming out from her dustbin. I want to marry her very soon but with this kind of attitude that she is displaying, I will have to think twice before hanging this rope on my neck.

Michael Ansah:

Coach Adamu I hail you ooo. See, I have trust in you that you can coach Black Stars team diligently. Your formation and tactics is very tight and wicked, you are the kind of person who will make Pep or Jose change their style of play just after 2minutes of facing you on the field with your team. You be guy rough.

Adamu:

Boss this your fans dier you are giving it at a very wrong time paaa ooo, but all the same, madam please where are you going?

Henrietta Barnor:

I am going to my house and as you can see, I want a taxi to board home.

Adamu:

Ah, then please sit down so I drop you home right now.

Michael Ansah:

Ah coach, what happens to your future wife now? You said something earlier on when your madam asked you the first question.

Adamu:

Oh that one? She lives down the road and I believe she can locate her way back home. Fatima please get down now, I want to go and drop my madam home as you can see.

Michael Ansah:

Coach Adamu you know that is not fair. At least, you can let her get down from the car politely.

Fatima:

(squeezes her face as she gets down) Please Sir don’t worry at all, I know where to get him. You will come to my house and beg me to come and sit in your wretched taxi again and you will see what I will do to you. As a matter of fact, don’t even come to my house again looking for me. It is over between the two of us and I mean every single word coming out of my mouth. I don’t know what a pretty girl like me will be doing with an ancient man like you even. Whatever spell you cast on me has been broken in Allah’s name.

Adamu:

Allah nagode (thank you Allah). When the monkey decides to quarrel with you, isn’t it your banana that becomes free? Ever since I started chasing you, what positive thing have you brought into my life except debt. Every weekend you make me buy you cloth for one ‘awure’ to another (Islamic marriage), have you ever requested for me to bring my clothes for you to even wash before? The only language your ears and palms understand is money; meanwhile you are living in a single room with your parent and four siblings. You know what, as you have left my life, please go and sin no more. Your demanding attitude that is being taken away from me is even a big relief. Ever since I met you, how many times have you made me travel to see ‘your Mecca’? Don’t you always give me excuses?

Fatima:

You think I am a fool erh. I should be giving you permission to be travelling to my Mecca by heart when I am not your wife. Do you know how many men have been in that long queue until you surfaced? If I was giving people the chance just like that, like I don’t think you will come and even see a glimpse of it.

Adamu:

Thank you very much, Fatima. You have lightened me of my burden. The fool is considered wise when he learns to keep his mouth shut. Madam please let me take you home quietly before I end up beating this foolish girl up.

Fatima:

You know I was a foolish girl and you were chasing after me like a dog? You think I don’t know the number of wives and the football team you have as children? Don’t bring yourself or else I will dry-clean you here right now. Was it because I was considering and entertaining you? If you look at yourself, am I your kind of woman? Massa check and evaluate yourself next time before you approach a young pretty succulent girl like me. Mtchewwwwww!

Henrietta Barnor:

Adamu you have a very long presentation to do for me. She just mentioned wives and a football team you have. I expect you to open up to me on everything concerning you and your life because I feel I don’t even know you at well.

Adamu:

(gets down from the car to throw an insult at Fatima) Herh this girl paaaa, you have degraded me. Your small legs like khebab sticks! Fucking girl, hooooo bleaching body girl. I knew you to be dark when I started chasing after you, but now see you. Housing girl like you, fanta face with coca cola body girl.

Henrietta Barnor:

Adamu will you sit down and drive me home quietly. Do you now want to create a scene here?

Adamu:

Sorry Madam, but I had to tell that ‘yawa’ girl my peace of mind.

Michael Ansah:

Coach it’s okay, be a man and swallow your pain. Next time, you will know where to ply your trade. Please drive my lady home safely and don’t do anything silly out of anger. My dear, please call me when you get home.

Henrietta Barnor:

I have heard you but you also have an explanation to give when I get home. (the taxi moves away and Mike walks back to Quincy’s room laughing at what just happened in front of him)

Quincy’s Room:

Quincy:

You have kept long ooo, I believe she got a car before you came back? Where was the noise also coming from?

Michael Ansah:

Hmmmmm please let me find somewhere to put my tired body. I have seen and encountered so many things today. I thought I had seen it all, until I got to Accra some few days ago. I will tell you everything tomorrow God willing. Goodnight my brother.

Quincy:

Rest well my brother…we shall meet tomorrow.

Henrietta Barnor’s House:

Henrietta Barnor:

Adamu, so all this while you have been deceiving me? I don’t think I can work with you again, please give me the car key and come for your three months salary tomorrow.

Adamu:

Oh Madam, please don’t do this to me. If you take the car key from me, it means I and my big family will starve to death. Please don’t allow the anger in you to outshine the lovely person that you are, I beg you madam. If you take this car from me, you will only hear of an announcement of the tragic death of a large family. Please my God sent madam, kindly reconsider your decision because my life and others lie in your hand.

Henrietta Barnor:

You give me the key, and I will think about it. You may come back for an answer in 3 days time. Lock the doors of my car for me. A car which is barely a year now looks like it’s five years old already. Do unto others what you want them to do unto you.

To be continued……………………………………………………………