The Coffin Maker Episode 17

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Akua Yankey

(tries to put Opana’s trousers in the laundry bag and money (50 Cedis notes dropped from the pocket)

So, this man has gotten such money on him and that has led him to drink himself to stupor. Well this is the opportunity for me to enrich myself a bit because even if I ask him for money the next morning he will give me the excuse of not having money and more over Kwaku Mike says he needs money to do something urgently, it could be work related and I have to help him out at all course because his father see him as a liability in this house now.

Let me take like a Thousand Cedis (1000.00) out of it, I will give part to Mike and start some small business with the rest. If he wakes up tomorrow and he complains, I will just remind him of the state he came home last night and also let me drop the trousers close to him so that he does not suspect me of theft.

God please forgive me for what I am about to do because I have never stolen from my husband ever since I started sharing a room with him but sometimes “when the going gets tough the tough gets going”. I promise never to engage myself in such act again through Jesus Christ our saviour.

Next Morning

Opana

Why is my head aching me like this?

Akua Yankey

(walks in with coffee)

Why won’t you head ache you as you came home drunk and was fuming at everyone like a pig who has just put to birth.

Opana

(seeing the treatment his wife is giving him and he falls in love with her all over again)

is that so my Queen? I don’t even know how I got home last night ooo, but I must confess you are looking very young and hot this morning paa ooo.

Akua Yankey

Hehehe are you sure the alcohol you took isn’t still controlling you?

Opana

Ah why that question my Queen?

Akua Yankey

Did you just address me as your Queen?

Opana

Of course, that is what you heard coming out from my mouth.

Akua Yankey

Mmmm, I thought I heard you wrongly when you first mentioned that word because for over 30years now I don’t remember the last time you used that adjective to qualify me. I remember vividly that ever since you got to know that am pregnant for you that word vanished from your dictionary. Well, if the palm wine you took last night is responsible for this sweet words then I myself will go to the joint and buy you bottle upon bottles because I miss those sweet moments when you were chasing after me and using those words to lure me into a relationship.

Opana

Women and sweet things, don’t you know after elections there is no campaign. If not for the headache am feeling like I will just give it to you here and now in a very powerful way.

Akua Yankey

Is that so? Well you can rest while I ride you, you know I haven’t lost touch of my experience and it’s been months that you touched me. The doctors who come to sit on the television say sex is even a therapy which cures headaches, relieves stress, gives a healthy heart and makes a person’s day brighter.

Opana

Then, I’m all yours my Queen. Take me to paradise right this moment.

In the next 2hours Opana and his wife engage themselves in a highly rated world cup finals which got both of them emotionally and physically satisfied. But do you also know that good sex makes people apologise for things they haven’t done yet and also say things they never dreamt of disclosing to people? If you think am exaggerating you can try and see.

Opana

Akua my sweet potato, my first lady, the mother of my children, commander of my emotions, the owner of my heart and the controller of my life.

Akua Yankey

Eeeeiiii, so are all these sweet words are for me alone? Well am sorry for whatever I also did to you or am yet to do to you. Please always find a place in your heart to forgive me anytime I wrong you.

Opana

I have heard you my dear. Let me freshen up and move to my office.

Akua Yankey

Okay then let me also quickly prepare your breakfast for you. But with this lovely reunion you must go with me to church this Sunday to thank the Lord.

Opana

My dear are you reading my mind? This Sunday am going to resume church after taking an indefinite leave. Let’s just pray for strength and life on that day my dear. Please hurry up with my breakfast.

Opana comes out of his bedroom to meet his breakfast ready. He wasted no time in making justice to it and left the house for his shop. Before he gets to the shop, he heard a loud noise coming from his workshop so he doubles his steps only to meet a riot there.

Opana

(screaming on top of his voice)

Hey what the hell is going on here? Who are these stupid girls fighting in my shop this early morning? Are you girls mad or you are now running mad? Does this place look like the Bukom Boxing Arena? Now tell me why you want to pull my shop down with you cacophonic noise and tantrums? Now you slim lady who are you and where from you?

Slim Lady

I am Ohema Nash and am from this town.

Opana

And what about you, fat lady and why are you intimidating the other lady?

Fat Lady

Am Mama Gee and also from this town. This girl like a sugar cane has been chasing after my man and today I came to meet her collecting money from my man, I tried to collect the money my man gave her and she was proving stubborn so I decided to put her in her rightful position.

Slim Lady

You liar and cheap slut, so after introducing my man to you, you went behind me to date him and you have the nerves to relate to him as your man. Your man indeed, ooooh ashawo without certificate.

Fat Lady

I will slap you if you don’t keep quite you broomstick. I am the one he prefers and not you. Men like meat and not bones, you……..

Opana

(screaming on top of his voice)

Now, will you 2 stupid girls keep quite before I slap the foolishness out of you? Don’t you have respect for your elders? Am here and you still want to pick up a fight. If you are so desperate to fight go to the school field and start your fight there and not in my shop. You, you said you are called Mama Gee and you too you said you are Ohema Nash. Did your parents give you this useless names and who are your parents even?

Mama Gee

My mother is Awo Yaa, the woman who sell hair dye at the entrance of the market and she gave me the name Georgina Maame Mireku but I prefer to be called Mama Gee.

Opana

Wow beautiful, now what about you Ohema Nash?

Slim Lady

My name is Ohenewaa Natasha and my father and mother operates the chop bar at the market square.

Opana

Wonderful, both of you clap for yourselves. Do you hear how stupid you people are sounding? You left the comfort of your homes to fight for just an apprentice here in my shop but before I forget who is the man that you people want to kill yourselves for?

Slim Lady

My lover boy is the owner of this shop and he is Yaw Manu.

Opana

Awww, my God!!! Me p3 why did you decide to send me this problematic baboon as an apprentice? We haven’t solved your 3 pregnancy issues and you are still here to increase our problems. Yaw Manu let me ask you and please tell me the truth, are you a cursed person or rejected person from the land of the gods? It seems you hold a PhD in deceiving these small girls and I don’t know what they see in you.

1st Apprentice

Master, it is only this shop that you see and regard me as hopeless but outside there they see me as a boss and a 5star General in the world.

Opana

May thunder locate and fire your mouth. I think I have had enough of your problems and issues, go home for I have suspended you indefinitely and if I want or need you, I will send for you. Now leave my presence before I do something nasty to you

1st Apprentice

Fire burn all my enemies of progress, PhD people (pull him down), and nobody can kill my shine no matter what happens. You can delay my blessings and happiness but you can’t take my Destiny and promotion from me.

Opana

Is that stupid comment directed to me?

1st Apprentice

He who the cap fit, let him wear it. All the people who wish my downfall will live to see my greatness and will even come before me for mercy and favour pretty soon.

Opana

(picks a hammer close to him and signals his boys to capture their senior apprentice for him)

are you now running? Foolish fool, idiot, imbecile, bastard, dimwit, you should have stood there to also listen to what I have to say and I will rearrange your teeth for you.

Now listen to me all of you, anytime he comes here without me inviting him over, you can attack him and deal with him for me, I will reward the person who is able to do that handsomely. Now go back to what you were doing before that mistake of a creation called for your attention.

All Apprentices

We have heard you loud and clear boss.

Opana sits in his usual corner of the shop and counted the money on him but after counting the money severally he realised that the money on him has reduced drastically. He starts to run a quick data check on his expenses the previous night and he can’t simply calculate the amount he spent the previous night but he knew very well that, the money he spent last night doesn’t tally with the money left on him. After contemplating for close to an hour a devilish smile engulfed his face.

OPANA’S LIVING ROOM

Akua Yankey

Kwaku Mike, you know all my life, I have vowed to do everything in my capacity to place you on a standard that you will be respected amongst your peers. You haven’t told me the exact reason why you need the money but I have gone to borrow money from a friend of mine for you. Make good use of the money I will give you and let something positive comes out of it.

Michael Ansah

Mummy you have always been a solid force behind me. You are the only person on earth that understands me very well and I promise to make you proud someday to come.

Akua Yankey

I have trust and hope in you because you are my only son and first child. Your little ones will always look up to you as a mentor and a role model that is why I always do my best to position you well amongst your siblings. I need not remind you that there is a big challenge ahead of you since you are a man, for your sisters they will definitely get men to marry them and send them to their homes. If the name of your father will stay on this earth then it depends on the path you take.

Your father doesn’t hate you but he wants the best for you, he wants to see you being a man and taking full responsibility of your positions. I will reserve my comments for now and see what difference you will bring on board in the days ahead.

OPANA’s SHOP

Opana

I know nobody will own up if I put up a simple question to the folks back home as to who have unwelcomely taken a tour in my pocket but I have gotten my prime suspect and I know how am going to make the person confess to me in a very professional way. I am still in a very comfortable lead. Hahahahahahaha!!!! Opana “the rough boy”, am too much…

Who is Opana suspecting and how will he be able to figure out the right person who is behind the theft? Your guess might be wrong but yet still only time will be the best judge, you can guess though.

Tbc