The Coffin Maker Episode 15

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Michael Ansah leaves the room of Agnes Kyerewaa feeling very troubled because all his life he has never been infected with any sexually transmitted disease before, and from the way Agnes spoke the medicine he was going to use in treating this kind of infection is very expensive, and even if he tries to go to the town hospital, the doctor there is the current reverend minister of his church. How was he going to explain to the pastor how he contracted that very infectious disease when he is not married yet because the disease can only be transferred through unprotected sex and that has been the area the pastor has been hammering upon for the past 7 months in church. He entered the house and saw his mum seated in the living room watching tv but he walked past her without even greeting her, something which was unusual of him.

Akua Yankey

Kwaku Mike, didn’t you see me seated here for you to greet me or now am too small for you to see me and accord me some respect?

Michael Ansah

Am sorry mummy, am just worried about somethings going on in my head and life.

Akua Yankey

You know am your mum and I always have a listening ear for you my son, do you want to talk about it?

Michael Ansah

I can’t just open up to her. I was cautioned about this lady just yesternight and I run into her arms the following day. The sweet thing will indeed kill the fool. I will be okay, mummy. You know when am quiet for a while, I take brilliant decisions. So, don’t worry your head about me. Your little boy of yesterday is now a full-grown man, my sweet mother.

Akua Yankey

Okay oooo, if you say so, I will let you be, but please get yourself a pleasing face because now your face looks like someone who has seen a ghost.

Michael Ansah

I have heard you mummy but please can you lend me like five hundred Ghana Cedis (500)?

Akua Yankey

Hey, where do you expect me to get that kind of money from? You know the money your father gives me is a hand to mouth money. He promised to give me money to start my business again since the last one he gave me, you helped me in squandering it. But if I may ask what do you need that money for?

Michael Ansah

It’s kind of personal, mummy.

Akua Yankey

Hey, with this face you are having, I hope you have not impregnated any girl and you want money for abortion huh?

Michael Ansah

Ah mummy, give me a break. The fact that I requested for money to do something undisclosed, doesn’t mean that I have impregnated someone. The money I need is for a personal thing that requires immediate attention and if any delay creeps in, hmmmm it will bring problem oooo.

Akua Yankey

I will give you a clutch rather. If you are not ready to open up to me, then please yourself. After all, I can’t go and guarantee a loan for you which I don’t know the purpose of collecting the money.

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Opana’s Shop:

2nd Customer

It’s good you are in on time. We were running out of patience as we need to be somewhere else.

Opana

Oh, forgive me, my noble customers. I had to go and meet the family head, whose ward’s coffin you’re taking. He was reluctant to give in to the idea I brought up, but after a series of dialogue and matured talks, he agreed to my plea. So, it is all yours and I believe you came along with the full amount we agreed upon?

1st Customer

It is very intact my boss. Please here you are. You can count it for confirmation.

Opana

(smiling and ordering his boys to wrap the coffin up)

Oh, no need to do that, because I now trust you guys and am happy doing business with you.

2nd Customer

Please can you now write a VAT receipt for us as we have to put the receipt on records because we will be rendering accounts to the family after the funeral.

Opana

VAT receipt in this town? My brother, no one in this town does business with any tax invoice or receipt. What at all does the government do with the taxes we pay? Isn’t it buying big cars and wasting it on unnecessary things? My receipt is even finished so let me just write and sign on a piece of paper for you. If your family head doesn’t understand, he can call my number on the paper I will give you for any clarification.

2nd Customer

This is preposterous and highly unprofessional sir. We came from a very long place and a very respected family; we have a lot of book long people in the family so it will be appropriate to get us the receipt.

Opana

Mmmm okay I will let my printer print some for me as soon as possible and send one of my boys to deliver it to you before the weekends. Hope you are okay with that?

1st Customer

That sounds good. Please do you have a car that can help us convey the coffin to our destination?

Opana

I have a truck driver who does that for my clients who do not come with a car to convey their coffin. So, I will call him so he comes around. You can then transact your business with him and come to a compromise.

Opana calls the truck driver and in no time, he shows up and they agree on a fee, two of the apprentices were asked to go with them to help convey the coffin.

Opana

Thanks for doing business with me and please try and convince your kinsmen to be dying rampantly so that my business can flourish.

2nd Customer

Excuse me, sir, please what did you say?

Opana

Oh, never mind it was just one of my silly jokes.

1st Customer

It better be and please, we will be expecting the receipt from you. It was nice doing business with you.

Opana

It is a pleasure but don’t forget that if you think of coffin, Opana must be the next thing to come to your mind. Now you and you, join my customers as they convey the coffin you just wrapped to their destination. You can take the rest of the day off.

Apprentices

(chorus voice)

Thank you, master Opana.

Opana

Now you come here, you see this money in my hand, it will take you years or possibly, it might not even happen for you to raise this money. Go to the bank and deposit it into my account and cash this cheque also and deposit it in the company’s account.

7th Apprentice

Master, am confused with the things you are telling me.

Opana

Oh my God!!!! Illiteracy is a disease. Hold your ear and let me break it down for you. Pay the physical cash am giving to you into my account and the money from the cheque into that of the company account. Do you now understand?

7th Apprentice

It is very clear now sir.

Opana

Am expecting a bank alert the moment you make the deposit and let me warn you that even if a cedi reduces from this money, erh, hmmmm only God knows what I will do to you and I believe you know very well that I am a baaaaaaad man.

7th Apprentice

I know very well boss.

Opana

Good!!! Now today am in a good mood so I will give every one of you here fifty Ghana Cedis (50) as a motivation allowance.

All Apprentices

(applauding and singing praises to their boss)

Master the master, master like no other, master the master of all masters, the one-touch man, Opana “the rough boy” you do all.

Opana

See how you are making noise as you heard of money. Well, I also feel like closing you people early today so you guys can go home and rest but anyone who comes to work late tomorrow will see the other side of me. Now, senior apprentice, come for the money and share it for them.

Opana leaves the shop and heads straight to his mistress house. He had plans to give her the phone he seized from his daughter and also add extra money to the one he gave her the previous day. As he gets to the place he sees the door locked but loud music is been played in the room, he knocks on the door severally, but no reply so he decided to call her line and he hears the phone ringing inside the room which convinces him that Kukua Nhyiraba is inside the room. So, he intensifies his knocking on the door and after a while, she opens the door drenched in sweat.

Opana

Why are you sweating so much like that my dear, isn’t the fan working?

Kuukua Nhyiraba

It is working but I took some medicine and doing some aerobic exercise inside the room, that is why am sweating like that.

Opana

Okay, but let me come inside erh, why are you blocking the way to your room?

Tbc