Megan looks at her daughter, her eyes shaking staring from her mother to her Aunt.
“But I heard Aunt Tonia telling you that-“
“No baby, what Aunty Tonia was telling me was that erm… she ran into an old friend of ours, someone who we knew back tons of years ago”
“But she said Kikina’s father and-‘’
“Honey, baby’’ Megan touches her daughter’s face “she said Titerina’s okay, right Tonia?” Megan turns to her friend, Tonia is quiet‘’Tonia?” Megan is frowning, Tonia looks at her and then at Kiki, she shakes her head and then smiles at Kiki
“Yes princess, it’s Tevena-‘’
“Titerina’’ Megan corrects
“Yes Titrena’s father, some old school friend of ours that had issues with her father and we are just trying to help her through it”
“Is her father bad?” Kiki’s beautiful face is screwed up in curiosity
“No honey” Megan says ‘’but it’s something you don’t need to bug your pretty head about okay, you go brush your teeth and get ready for bed okay?”
“Okay mummy” She nods, but Megan knew her daughter would be back, she was smart as she was intuitive for a four year old, sometimes she talked smarter than her age.
“I love you” Megan touches her cheeks
“I love you more, and you too Aunt Tonia”
Tonia laughs “Me more”
Megan kisses her daughter and watches her hug Tonia and disappears into her room, Megan straightens up
“Look I know-‘’
Megan is angry “I don’t what to hear it, outside now” she steps out of her small apartment and goes to the pavement,she didn’t want to take any chances of kiki walking in on their conversation again
“Megan, no one is saying go hand your kid over to him, I am just saying you let him know that you weren’t lying when you showed up at his door four years ago”
‘‘And what does it matter?”
“You both had sex, you both, so it’s your child as much as his, whether he likes it or not and for four years going through all this shit with your family, I mean you haven’t been able to see or speak to them because you left home refusing to marry some old fart and then they didn’t want to have anything to do with you. You walked at bars, you had to serve junks during baseball tournaments,you looked after kids, cleaned up shit at nursing homes, you worked nights at a cinema house, babe the shit you had to go through being a young girl with a baby. Thank God you didn’t have to throw the towel in and give up. You have done so much just so your daughter can have a good life and today here you are, a small apartment, a salon car even though it was a hand-me-down, you are a teacher at a kindergarten school and your daughter is in school, this life for you might not be great but you achieved this with your sweat, its only okay to let the father take a little bit of responsibility, do you know that he can afford to take care of his daughter? the dude is rich and all and I know is that if he dares to you can get a DNA done and slap him the results across his face, you can sue him.” She paused and continued
“He needs to own up, take responsibility for the child he fathered, knowingly or unknowing and pay child support, she is his child too damnit! And you have been the only one suffering to carter for her,putting your life on hold, letting go of relationships just because you want to take care of your kid, a little help shouldn’t hurt’’
“I don’t care what he has a right to or doesn’t Tonia. Kiki is my responsibility and mine alone”
“Wrong, Kiki is you both’s responsibility and he has a right to know his daughter and he has to carter for her”
“I am not telling him about Kiki”
“What are you going to do, keep her away and hidden?’’
“I don’t have to do anything, the man wouldn’t even know me if he was standing next to me don’t you get it, we were drunk, stoned and we had sex, kiki was the result of that and if it took me a month to remember and he couldn’t even remember my name that day when I showed up do you think he would have given me a thought in these four years? No!! none, so I don’t have to tell him nothing, I’m keeping my child away from him, I will make sure he never finds out who she is and never have a right over her, never”
“No Tonia, I don’t even know why we are having this conversation”
“Because I know how it hurts you when Kiki is sad about her father not showing up for parent’s day, or when she feels sad that other kids have fathers coming to drop and pick them and when she is being asked about her father and she says he is in heaven.You are lying to that kid Megan’’
“I am protecting her. Why don’t you go in there and tell her that I was knocked up? Why don’t you go in there and tell her a four year old girl that her father denied her and for four years he didn’t remember to come look for her and see if her mother lied, go on, why don’t you go tell her” Megan flares,her eyes glistened
Tonia comes close to her “I can’t”
“Well neither can I, telling her he was in heaven is safe, she doesn’t need to worry about him being a life and not showing up for nothing and even if I tell this-Sean, what if he still says he doesn’t want to have anything to do with the girl or what if he doesn’t care? Why let my daughter go through that? I won’t.
“Sean is better left alone and kiki better left not knowing, what is past should remain in the past, as long as I and my daughter is concerned, Sean O’Conner is nobody to my daughter, and I want it to remain that way and even by chance he has the slightest intuition that she is, I will keep him as far away from her as possible even if it means me taking it to court, but I don’t want my daughter to be thrown into all of that, I want her safe and sound and not to worry about a father who didn’t care to know if she existed, okay? Yes we both were immature, we were drunk and stupid, I don’t blame him for what happened that night.. I maybe just blame him for not bothering to give me a chance to be heard or stuck around to make sure if I was saying the truth. I blame him for all of that and he will never get to know let alone be a father to kiki, NEVER!” she says, her nose flaring
“Fine Megan, kiki is your daughter so I understand”
“Yes, my daughter”
“Okay I just thought but never mind. Like you said, he doesn’t know so it stays that way. I just hope you are able to keep hiding the tears from your eyes when you see how sad Kiki is when they talk about daddies or need both parents to be available for a function, or that function when fathers are supposed to dance with their daughters, you know it right? I hope you can wipe her tears for her too when she does cry again”
‘‘She would be old enough and then she would have outgrown it”
“If you say so, look I have to go, see you tomorrow?’’
“Yes, tomorrow” Megan says
“Hey I am sorry okay, don’t be mad at me”:
“I am not, not anymore” Megan says
“Okay! That’s a good thing. I love you” Tonia hugs her
“I love you sometimes” Megan replies
Tonia scoffs squeezing her “Oh it’s fine, I don’t love myself always but I am stuck with me, so are you, see you”
Megan watches her friend leave and then heads into the house
“Yes mum?” Kiki says seated on the chair
“I thought I told you to get ready for bed?”
“You always tuck me in mummy“
“Okay kiddo, let’s go read you some stories and get you to go see peter pan okay?”
“Yes in Never-land”
“Should I get you fairy dust mum?”
“Oh that would be absolutely magnificent Capt kiki” she says picking her daughter up bridal style and taking her to her room, kiki giggles
Megan reads her daughter a story and watches her sleep, she stays awake, her child sleeping on her chest, her hands touching her hair, and her mind elsewhere
She didn’t need anyone one from her past to come threaten her future, not even Kiki’s father and she prays that if he ever finds out about kiki, he shouldn’t care.
Kiki had been the only light in her period of darkness, her only joy in sadness, she had wanted to give her up but seeing her and have her suckle her breasts, love had washed over her for the beautiful girl. Ever since then, nothing has been able to separate her daughter from her and she was working her ass out to give her a good future.
She was also sad, her parents had been stoned hearted, refusing to forgive her from walking away from the life they wanted to impose on her, they meant well, they wanted to secure her future and not make her a laughing stock, but she deserved better than a life of settlement, yes she messed up, but she rather make it right for her than suffer another twisted fate.
She wasn’t happy she and her parents weren’t in talking terms, but she was happy she made the chioce not to get married to some random stranger.
Slowly she drifts off to sleep putting Sean O’conner away from her mind.