” I wish I had a better way of explaining things to you Lucas, believe me or not, the past weeks that I have known You, I have felt myself feeling sane” I spoke up after calming down.
Lucas watched me cry and he made me lean on him as I poured out all the pain, the shame, the sadness that I was feeling in my heart. I had not had the time to cry for some time. Pushing down everything that was happening deep in my conscience. But now I let it out in tears and I felt relieved at the end of it all.
” feeling okey?” Lucas asked handing me his hank.
” yeah thank You, I have not cried like that and I guess all the inside came out.” I chuckled looking at him.
He nodded his head slowly. ” that’s Good, it’s good to cry sometimes.” He smiled and sat back leaving my side.
” am sorry to tell you this now, but that crazy guy you saw is indeed my ex boyfriend and he’s very possessive. He has been following me around for some time now.
I left him years ago and married my husband” I added and paused to look at Lucas who kept his stare in one place without moving. I felt a grip of pain in my hurt.
When I realised he wasn’t going to say anything, I went On.. ” I am married to Chris my husband of 5years and we have not been really husband and wife for a long time since he decided to stay away from me and spend most of his time out with either his friends or girlfriends…..” I went on explaining almost all the things that I had to go through with Chris crying through it all.
I had not thought I would be that open, I told Lucas all the details that I had never even told anyone before.
” so when all that happened you decided to sleep with your ex?” Lucas asked shocking me. ” how did he know that part before I told him” I asked myself looking at him.
Like to answer my question he sighed..
” only a man that you have given yourself to even when you were not together will show off a woman like that. That man thinks he has his way with you and he’s very possessive. He can do anything to destroy your marriage so that he has you to himself.” Lucas explained
I just nodded my head feeling so much ashamed. The weight of the Shame increasing now that someone had pointed out the truth to my face.
” I have made a lot of mistakes in my life Lucas, and getting to make love with Mike even after I married someone else is the greatest of all. But what can i do now? I feel so guilty I can’t even go to church. The truth is I thought I still loved Mike but now am sure I just was clouded by my pain and he somehow took advantage of my weakest moments.
You have no idea how pathetic my husband looks at me. It’s like am just this thing that he doesn’t know and he doesn’t seem to care about how I feel whatever made him that way only God knows. I have tried in my own way to make things right between us but he won’t just change.”
I let it out before Lucas.
He was quite for some time and then he answered, ” do you love him? ” he asked
I had no idea who he was referring to. But I had to assume he meant my husband.
” to be honesty Lucas I don’t know anymore. We are like two opposites and I don’t even know, May be he’s hurt me so much I can’t really tell whether I still love him or not.” I responded wiping the tears from my eyes.
” listen Stella. I really wish you had decided to tell me the truth the first time I met you. Honestly I don’t know how to make of all this that happened between us. I don’t even want to know right now, because honestly I fall in love with you Stella and wanted you to be mine. If I had known all this I wouldn’t have made you go to my mother, now I understand why you were unease. You have not only hurt my heart Stella, but my dignity as a man and now the trust of my mother.” He said almost in a whisper with a sad tone it made me shed tears.
I didn’t know the man I was playing games with before will affect my feelings so much. I felt the urge to kneel before him and comfort him. But I couldn’t get myself to move.
” I don’t have anything else to say to you Stella. If I was dealing with a person who is just in a relationship, I could have said well, lets forget everything in the past and start afresh. But no I cant because you are another man’s woman Stella. I can’t do anything about that no matter what you are going through. That is your battle to fight and honestly I don’t want to put myself in between your marriage. ”
His words echoed in my mind and I knew at that time what I was feeling for Lucas was more than what i had anticipated. It didn’t matter he was not tall, like i had thought before. The man before me was evidently a good man and I happened to be the one to hurt his feelings.
” Lucas am truly sorry I didn’t say any thing, thats why.. ”
” you couldn’t make love to me” he completed my sentence. ” I get it all now, but don’t worry. Go on and live your life Stella I just hope you will be happy and I will try and forget you. It’s not going to be easy but what am I to Do?” He sighed sadly.
Kindly like our Facebook Page POBSONLINE.COM for more amazing stories
I sat down besides him and held his hand crying like a child. I pleaded with him to forgive me and all he said was that he was not going to hold on to another man’s wife.
After some time I decided to leave and unlike always, he didn’t bother to see me out his house.
He sat down and just nodded his head as I said my good byes.
With my shame I lifted myself and went to my car driving out. ” this is your wage Stella for all you have done to people and yourself.!” I shouted at myself loudly as I increased the volume of the radio in the car. .
In all my life I had not felt so much hurt, i didn’t know what to make of everything. It was like the shield that was covering me was thrown away and now I was just nothing.
I drove home at a slow speed.
Walking inside I found Chris seated by the couch drinking his beer like always. I wanted to by pass him but then I turned back.
” so why didn’t you tell me you are coming back home today?” I asked him throwing my bag down.
” why So? So that you can maximise the time with your boyfriend?” Chris asked sarcastically.
I almost screamed my Anger out but I went and knelt close to him.
” I beg you in the name of God, can you today tell me what it is I did to make you so mad at me Chris, am your wife the person you took the vows to live with for better for worse. Tell me where I went wrong Chris?” I cried before him like an idiot.
He started laughing looking at me like I was this mad person.
I ignored him and instead held his shirt ” you are not moving from this place until you tell me why you have decided to make my life a living hell Chris. What did i do you b******?. Tell me why you had to push me to such limits” I screamed out.
” you know What, I will not buy those crocodile tears. You stopped being my wife the time that jerk decided to threaten me and tell me he will have you back and now you are sleeping with him” Chris spat his words with so much contempt.
” What?” I raised my blows at him not believing his first words.
” what do you mean he threatened You?” I asked now getting angry and wiping the tears from my face.
” that’s what you want to hear right? That I was a coward who got scared of another man who threatened to get my wife. He damn told me in my face you will run to him the moment he came to you….. ” I let Chris finish his explanation. I don’t know what hurt me the most, whether the pain of not having a man who could stand for me as his wife or being made a fool by two men I had loved in my entire life.
I sat down tears dropping from my eyes. “All this time I was being tortured because of Mike?” I thought to myself ” it was because my husband was so scared he decided to sacrifice me to another person because his ego was so low.
I think I had too much things running my mind and i couldn’t stay put. I needed to do something about my anger and anguish so I grabbed my bag and without warning I ran outside and got into my car. I sped off driving out the yard and the next thing I felt was a loud bang on the side of my car and I went dark.
I was just going to see her that evening wanting to scold her for going out with the guy i had confronted earlier on.
I was so pissed with the way the guy had talked so calmly and made me look like an idiot. I wasn’t going to let him get away with that.
I was a few yards away from Stella’ s house when I saw her car drive out at a great speed. I was still wondering what was going on when I saw her drive her car right into another vehicle coming from the opposite direction. ” no Stella!” I shouted as I saw her car move away from the road and landed into the wall fence with a bang.
” no, oh my God ! what is going on now?” I drove to the point of the accident.
I ran to her car and found her trying to move a little and she was hurt. With the help of some other people who came to the scene we managed to pull her out and she collapsed in my arms.
” what happened and why are you holding my wife?” I heard Chris’ voice asking as he came running .
” don’t you dare raise your voice at me like that. Am trying to save her life and if I find out you have something to do with this you will have me to deal with you useless man!” I stared at him .
” stop talking nonsense you two and take this woman to the hospital.” An elderly man spoke up. ” luckily the other car is bigger and the impact of the accident isn’t bad.” He added
I stood up and lifted Stella to my car speeding of to the hospital I didn’t even mind Chris who shouted for me to let him take her to the hospital, I saw his car follow mine and I just drove on to Mwanawasa hospital.