I breathe out as I think about what Ryan told me once again.
If you want a relationship to work out, you try to understand each other, you don’t pull away from each other like you had both did.
Could he be really right? Should I have really stayed with Javier and tried to understand him better than what I did. Running away from everything.
Was it really wrong of me to have pulled away from him and ran away from everything?
Letting out a sigh, I stopped walking towards the direction of stairs and instead I walked towards my room, bringing out my phone that has been ringing and vibrating continuously but I had just ignored him knowing that it’s him.
I stare at his contact and decide that I’m not definitely doing the right thing before tapping on it and I glue the phone to my ear, nervously picking at my fingernails.
His voice comes through and it battles and surprises me so much at just how much I have missed his voice.
I breathe out, closing my eyes for a brief moment before opening them back and calming down my nerves, assuring myself that everything is okay now. Everything would be okay now.
“Hey? How have you been doing? ” My voice is low and I hate the fact that I have to act like I’m fine. Like everything that has been going on doesn’t hurt me and everything is alright when in true fact, I’m not alright with everything that has been going on and I hurt bad, really bad.
“The truth? I haven’t been doing good. I have been so worried about you and I have been searching for you everywhere that I could. I asked Zoe if she knows where you had went and she told me that you probably went back home since your stuffs aren’t here but she doesn’t know where it is. I have been trying to ask the school authorities if I could get your address, the motherf**kers won’t even budge. ”
He says breathlessly and I ignore the way my heart leaps when he said all those words.
I had thought that he would be drinking and wouldn’t worry a single bit about it. I had thought that we mean nothing to him anymore but I had thought wrong. He has been worried about me and I love him even more for that.
“Why would you do all that? You were the one that left, remember? ” I keep my voice low and soft so I wouldn’t have to break down and cry like a pathetic fool into the small device.
“I did. ” He mutters, his voice now low and I nod my head, sniffing a little to push back the tears that were threatening to fall. “Because I didn’t know what else to do. We aren’t perfect for each other and it beats me anytime I remember that. ”
“I wasn’t looking for perfect Javier and I gave you a choice also but still yet, you wanted to leave. You left Javier. You did. ” I bite down on my tongue, shaking my head as the memories that I have try burying down these past few days comes rushing back once again.
“I did and I regret it. I regret not staying with you when you needed me to. I regret not been by your side to overcome your biggest challenge. I regret running away and leaving everything behind like a damn coward that I am. I regret not allowing you to make the choice for the both of us.… ” The tears that I had tried stopping now comes rolling uncontrollably and I didn’t even try to stop them.
“But you know what I didn’t regret? ” Silence. So much silence that I had thought the call got cut off until.
“I never regretted falling in love with you… “