For the purpose of this show, let’s say my name is Paul. And this is my story
I am married with a child….
My wife is everything I ever wished for in the woman I wanted to be married to. I adore and love my wife. As mentioned earlier, God blessed us with an adorable daughter and made our joy complete.
I am a man who is proud of his wife and I assumed my wife was of me too. Last three weeks, my wife informed me she wanted a break from the stressful work life here in Ghana so she wanted to travel to the US. She said she wasn’t going to take our daughter along so she could rest well. I objected to it initially but let go since I agreed she needed rest. She informed me she had already bought her ticket and that she also had a $1000 for her upkeep. Told her I would give her some money but she said it was ok. I still went ahead to give her an additional $1200. Before she departed that day, she checked her mail on my laptop and forgot to log out. I committed the sin of prying into her mailbox. Saw a number of conversations between her and some two other men. She referred to one as baby and the other love. It didn’t sit well with me so I intentionally asked her what she made of persons who refer to the opposite sex in those terms. She said it was too intimate and wrong to call other men that.
I kept monitoring her emails and realized it was her only means of communication with the two men, one of whom lived in the US and with whom she had arranged a getaway. She told the man, she didn’t want a hotel anywhere in the area where she lived. At that I point, I saw the need to confront my wife. It was then she confessed that she wasn’t going to do anything with the guy. I asked her why she wanted a change of hotel. She couldn’t say why. Long story short, their scheduled meeting didn’t come on or so she tells me. I queried her about other conversations she had had with the same guy and another man, she denied they ever happened so I had to take a decision to take shots of the conversations and send to her. She was shocked and didn’t know whether to come home or go somewhere else since she was returning to Ghana that evening. I told her to come home because I was still her husband and my home was still her home.
She arrived and for two days, I really couldn’t look at her. On the third day, I asked her if she had never slept with any man from the day we met and decided to get married up until today almost three years into our marriage. She said she wouldn’t answer. I pushed and pushed and she confessed she had slept once with an ex, 2 months into our marriage and four times with a new friend she made about two months ago.
I asked her what her reasons were and she said with her ex, she just had flashes of his manhood and went after him. With the new guy, she said the guy spends on her and also goes down on her. In short, she said it was pure greed and lust. I then asked her if her ticket was paid for by the man and she said yes. It was an economy ticket to the states and a business class ticket back to Ghana. I asked her if the pocket money she told me she had, was given to her by the lover and she said yes. I asked her where they met to engage in the act, she said it was a hotel in East Airport in Ghana. I asked her if she drove there herself or was driven there by the guy. She said the man drove them in his car. I asked where she parked her car and she said at another restaurant where they met before embarking on their journey. I asked her where she left our 1yr 7months old daughter when she went to meet this man. She answered that she left our daughter with our neighbours downstairs anytime she went to see him. I asked if she ever left home to meet this man at any point in time when we were all home together with our daughter to which she said yes.
It’s sometimes hilarious to think about it and at times crushing to imagine that someone has been with your wife on several occasions. Last night, I couldn’t go home because I was traumatized. I went to a red light district to just watch the night workers for about 3hrs and then went home when I knew she was asleep. She has begged and begged and begged. She’s given me her word but it’s not the first time she’s given me her word and broken it in this area. I must add she didn’t sleep with anyone then but it was also something intimate. I stood by her and got her to send a message to the man telling him I had found out about them and so was ending the relationship. I also want to refund the $3000 to the gentleman. At least that’s the only dignity left of me now. My wife didn’t reserve anything for me. She gave her all to the man. Everything, and I mean everything. My dignity is gone, my honour has been taken away from me.
A part of me wants to save what’s left of our marriage but a part of me also says it will happen again and I also feel my wife will live in continuous fear of me because she knows she’s hurt me badly. I haven’t raised my voice at her since this issue broke. I have not even discussed it with her face to face. I send her messages asking questions. When I go home, I hug both my daughter and her. But I know it won’t last. I have moved to another bedroom, I can’t kiss her, I can’t make love to her. This will continue forever maybe so, but why do that to somebody’s daughter? It’s just not fair to her. If you met me, I am as calm as anything but yes , I’m hurting within. I know I have contributed to this problem. I haven’t taken her on many adventures. We can count the number of times we have sex in a month. All I have done is to give her the needed attention, buy her gifts and always tell her how much she’s special to me. Sexually, I haven’t been that great. I was in the first year of our marriage, though. She says she will die if I live her. But I think it will do us both some good
I have told her that I will tell my parents that I cheated on her and I don’t think she deserves that so I am stepping out of the marriage so that no one knows about what truly happened. My dignity is gone but she’s too special a person to be destroyed. I want to preserve the little dignity left in her. That’s my story, that’s my song but more strongly, that’s my hurt and pain. I love my wife and my daughter. They were my world. It’s crushed on me now. Maybe I should have trusted God to keep her for me rather than trusting that she will remain faithful. I am sure you may be asking if I haven’t cheated on my wife before. The answer is NO I haven’t had sex with any other woman aside from her. I have flirted with other ladies before so I am not a saint but I stopped it. We are both committed Christians and very active in church. She told me a bit of her past when we were courting and the events had some traces of these. I told her she was a new creation having turned over to Christ and I was prepared for us to work on ourselves together. My strength has failed and I think it’s time to move on.
I work with one of the telcos in Accra.