I HATE THAT I LOVE HIM

I woke up today filled with determination, my bed tapped me on the back, my pillow smiled at me and my covers gave me the thumbs up, I was going to end it all today, it had been too long since I had felt his happiness with me, I felt he wanted to let go but didn’t know how to so I was going to help him. I called him to inform him that I was coming over and even though his voice did things to me, I pushed it to the back of my mind, to me that was a great accomplishment, I hailed a taxi and sat for the journey ahead, I drove past imaginary signs and billboards that said, you can do it, move on among others. I arrived at his house and knocked on the door, I reminded myself of the reason for being there as I heard him walk to the door, I swallowed when he opened the door and looked at me, as he stretched his hand to take mine in his, I asked myself if I could do this, yes, I could, after all he was just a man right, he led me inside and closed the door, he looked at my face for a few seconds and locked my lips with his in a moment of fire and passion, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t stand, I felt my legs betray me as I sat, my reason for coming there went farther than his voice had gone in the back of my head, I hated the effect he had on me, it had never been like this, I had always been in control and this man, this man had just made me a perfect definition of vulnerability, I hated it so much, I hated that I loved him.