Blind Desire Episode 18


‘heyy babe, whats happening? You look dull?’ Henna asked.
We were both walking home. Oma and Ije were ahead of us gossiping about whatever.
‘nothing’ I felt bitter within me. I couldnt explain how i felt, i felt like killing me. I felt like standing in front of the whole world and announce that i’m a sl.ut. How could i? How could i let that Ralph disvirgin me?
I had planned to give my virginity to my husband as my wedding gift, i had planned to heed to Mrs Asemota’s advice. To think he hadnt used a condom. What if i got pregnant? Oh my God!
Without being told, i knew Ralph was never going to accept it…and even if he did, that was going to put a stop to my educational career. I felt very stupid.
Promiscous Henna hadnt gotten pregnant…God, pls, dont make me pregnant, God plss.
I saw the way Ralph and his friends looked at me with a mischievous grin whenever i passed and i knew immediately that he had told them about our encounter. He must be feeling like a player now.
‘maybe you should tell me whats going on? Is it Ifeanyi or is it Ralph?’ Henna asked, her voice suddenly calm.
‘i…its not Ifeanyi…’ I felt stupid and worthless. Was it right opening up to her? Was it right opening up to her? What if she told Ifeanyi? No sister would want her brother to be with someone like me. But then she was more experienced in stuffs like this.
‘then its Ralph…that bast.ard! I knew he wasnt going to respect himself…i’m going to put him in his place tomorrow…what did he do this time?’
A tear rolled down on my cheek and i sat on the ground under a tree. Henna stopped walking and looked at me with this THIS IS MORE SERIOUS DAN I THOUGHT look on her face.
She waved at Ije and Oma ‘make una dey go, we dey come una hear?’
‘i no go wait for una oo…’ It was Oma’s voice ‘i have to be with Ikechukwu’
‘dey go jareh! Who say make you wait for me? No injure that boy thing with your eh-hen’ she coughed.
‘your nyash!’ Oma cursed and they laughed.
‘Ivyy bye…’ Ije waved at me.
Due to the distance btw us, i was sure she didnt see my tears. I waved back at her ‘see you tommorrow’
She smiled and walked ahead to catch up with Oma.
‘now tell me…’ Henna said sitting beside me on the ground ‘whats eating you up?’
Henna looked at me, she was slightly disappointed, before she looked down.
‘Ivyy, do you….do you know who disvirgined me?’ she asked after listening to my story.
‘my father…’ she replied. I opened my mouth to say something but couldnt ‘then i was dating Victor..the guy who travelled out of the country recently. I’ve never told anyone this but…my dad and i…we…we still have s-x with each other…yes, i know its wrong and you might want to judge me…but i cant help it. I’ve tried to stop it so many times Ivyy but its addicted to me, i cant help but feel something for him whenever he touches me, whenever he makes love to me. I love him Ivyy..apart from being my father, i love him as a lover. My mother’s death brought us closer, to the extent, we now share the same bedroom. See, i loved Victor, i loved him so much and i still love him even now…he’s the only guy i’ve ever loved, apart from my dad. I was planning to give my virginity to him but dad took it away from me. It happened on the eve of my 14th birthday, mama went out for a meeting and she came back late. Ifeanyi was hanging out with some friends and Kainene travelled out of the village. He came into my room..and he made so many promises to me, he told me he loved me…and we had s-x. I enjoyed it Ivyy and he promised to give me more as far as i kept this a secret from everyone and i did. Dating Victor just ended with kisses and hugs…i couldnt bring myself to sleep with him when i was sleeping with me dad and whenever he kissed me, i thought of my dad. I love Victor, but i love my dad as well. I was confused as to who to choose, but after a while, i chose dad. And i broke up with Victor…’ she wiped her left eye with her finger. Henna hated crying.
I looked at her and she continued ‘i totally understand what you are going through now Ivyy, believe me. You might love Ifeanyi but the sexual tension btw you and Ralph is just to high and uncontrollable. Being in the same situation myself and not knowing how i handle it, i will advice you to try fighting whatever you have for Ralph, devote all your time to Ifeanyi and avoid being in hidden or dark places with Ralph. And them most importantly, you must find out time to tell Ifeanyi the truth’
‘yes…relationships built on lies do not last long’
I closed my eyes. Was Henna right?