“I am sorry Kevwe…I was helpless to stop him and even more helpless not to enjoy it…..he never said a word to me but he seemed to know the right buttons to push…..I enjoyed it so much that I haven’t been able to free myself from the thoughts.” I said pausing to wipe the tears again.
“Noms..baby…” Kevwe called me by his pet name for me ‘Noms’ which was a short for my name and I knew he understood, he wasn’t angry anymore but still I had to come totally clean. He tried to say something but I cut him off.
“I’m not done, Kevwe, please let me confess and get it all off me…. I wanted to tell you when you got back the next day but didn’t know how to without upsetting you.”
“Upsetting me? You were the one who was raped,” he reminded.
“I don’t know if that’s what to call it since my body wanted it, I wanted it…. I couldn’t get it off my mind for two weeks so I came up with a foolish idea that if you fucked me just as hard I would forget about the incident…..no offense to you Kevwe, you are a good lover but you don’t last long enough for me to reach fulfillment…….”
“What?…. but you are…”
“Baby please let me finish before you begin…. I will give you enough time to tell me what you think about my despicable actions but please let me finish…..I asked Abby to help me with something that would boost your performance and …..”
“So you went to Abby, but you couldn’t talk to me?” He asked, his frown returning and I saw he hated the idea that I had talked to my friend about this instead of him.
“I didn’t tell her I was raped, just that I needed a performance enhancement pill for you.” I tried to explain but it made it worse,
“Jeez, so you carried our sex life to your friend?…. That’s something I’m not comfortable with Onome…. I don’t like being discussed by you and your friend.”
“It wasn’t like that kevwe, I just needed her professional help.”
“Like hell you did.” He scoffed.
“Wait, I told you I was raped…by a stranger and you freak out because I told my friend who is a pharmacist that I needed a pill?”
“A pill because I can’t seem it get it up…. you should have come to me. Besides what are you saying about my performance when you are the one with excuses everytime I try to touch you? It’s either you are tired or busy and whenever I manage to get you, I have to hurry it up because you are almost unresponsive and in a hurry to sleep or work.”
Opening my mouth I meant to say something but I couldn’t, he was right. We had been married for almost a year now and I had never known any man before him, I had never given him free rein over my body because I had believed there wasn’t much to enjoy in it. I sighed now looking at him and knowing he was right.
“Yeah I should have come to you, I am sorry.”
“You should be sorry! What were you thinking going to Abby? Now she would believe I am one of those men with erectile dysfunction or something.” I bit my lip as I recalled she had asked me the same thing.
“You probably think I have that, don’t you?”
“What? No…” Kevwe was a virile man and got turned on easily, some times even too easily.
“You get it up, it just doesn’t last.”
“It doesn’t last?” He asked quietly holding my gaze for a moment before he gestured for me to get up.
“Get up on your feet, Onome.”
“What?” I tried to ask when he reached down and dragged me up none too gently. Reaching for my shirt, he tore it open, its buttons scattering about the floor. I became quite scared as I had never seen him this way before but I didn’t stop him. I trusted him enough to know he would never hurt me. Unzipping my skirt
to be continue