“I’m sorry I lied to you but Jude, you are her father….I gave birth a week ago and I just cant raise her, you have a more stable life….I know she will be better off without me, I was never ready to be a mom. Dont try to look for me as I have left the country with Connor
From the note in my hands and the baby fast asleep on my door step, my mind had a hard grappling with any of this…..
Okay okay….you guys must be so confused right now, more than I am. My apologies for starting the story at its climax….lets take back to a few months back and maybe we can all make sense of this as we go along….how the **** did I end up with a baby!!!
9 months earlier….
It was just another normal depressing day for me, a Monday to be exact. I had just come from yet another botched, failed interview with this up and coming company in Halsbury Brooklyn, kind of the surburban area for Brooklyn. I arrived at my crappy apartment to prepare for my shift at the bar where I worked as a bartender, now you might think working at a bar is fun but it gets tiring at some point especially when you graduated top of your class at NYU, through a scholarship that failed to give you a job like they promised
I worked my butt off for those a****les but when the time came for them to provide me with a permanent job all I got was “thank you for your hard work Mr Howard but we dont have a position to offer you right now” ch! Dont have a Position to offer me my ass! Ugh my blood boils every time I think about how they screwed me!
Anyway, so I arrived at the apartment where my girlfriend of 3 years now was waiting not so eagerly for me.
Leila “and? How did it go?” I went to open the fridge and took out some beer
Me “it didnt”
Leila “you didnt get the job again?!” I looked at her
Me “you make it sound like I’m doing it on purpose! I cant hire myself Leila”
Leila “I know that but its tiring Jude! Do you know how much I hate this life? Working for minimum wage, supporting myself, supporting you?! Living in this crappy apartment in this ****ed up neighbourhood?! Ugh I hate it!”
Me “so what? You think I’m enjoying this? I hate it too! I am a graduate…an IT genius but what can I do?!”
Leila “I’m tired Jude, I want out” I gave her a confused look
Me “what is that supposed to mean?”
Leila “it means that I am pregnant Jude” my face dropped
Leila “I just found out that I’m pregnant okay….and I just, it just made me question some things about my life” I put the beer down and sat on the sofa
Me “pr-pregnant?” I couldnt believe it, in this crappy life time I was going to be a father, how does one bring a child into this ****ed up world?
Leila “yes Jude, pregnant as in I have a human life growing inside of me” I looked up at her
Leila “I’m leaving”
Me “what? Where are you going?! Where will you go? You cant leave!” I stood up “my child, our child….how will you take care of a baby alone?”
Leila “how will you take care of a baby! You can barely take care of me!”
Me “I’ll take extra shifts at the bar but you’re not leaving with my child! No matter how crappy things are or what type of loser you think I am but its still my baby” she kept quiet “Leila!”
Leila “its not yours” I stepped back
Me “what?” It was a whisper
Leila “I said its not yours. Why do you think I want to leave?”
Me “what do you mean its not mine? Have there been other men?” She walked closer to me and took my hands
Leila “oh sweet naive little Jude, of course there have been other men honey…what did you think all those late nights at the office were about?”
Me “you said your boss asked you to work late”
Leila “I lied, I’ve been sleeping with Connor, I love him and we’re going to have a baby now, he asked me to move in with him ”
Leila “look sweetheart, you must know why I dated you in the first place right?” I shook my head “because I always thought that with your brilliant mind, you would take over the world one day so I overlooked everything else, your outdated fashion style, your awkward sense of humor, your boring personality and everything in between, look babe….this was fun and I hope you didnt think it would last right?” She smiled and patted me on the cheek. I couldnt understand why she was smiling while breaking my heart in pieces
Leila “I already packed my stuff, Connor will be here any minute now” I just looked at her as tears stung my eyes, I couldnt say a word to her, I was too stunned to even speak. I watched her drag her luggage out of the bedroom
Me “Leila….” I finally found my voice “how, how could you do this?”
Leila “dont do that….”
Me “do what?”
Leila “do that pathethic sad face thing you always do, its sad and annoying”
Me “how can you be so cold? How can you be so unfeeling? We’ve been together for 3 years…how can you say all these things”
Leila “I’m sorry if you feel cheated but I’m just being honest with you. I dont love you anymore Jude and now I want to be with someone who can give me the kind of life I want. I’m moving to Halsbury with Connor”
Me “really? So you’re going to leave just like that?”
Leila “yes” a car honked outside “thats my ride” she pulled her suitcase to the door, I ran quickly to block it
Me “please dont go, I promise that I will change….that I will be the man you want me to be. I promise I will scower the streets of New York and look for a job so I can provide for you. I will take care of that baby even if its not mine. Please just dont go….”
Leila “Jude…dont beg either, its pathetic. You cant stop me from leaving. This baby….this baby is my ticket out of this life, to be with Connor and far away from you” I looked into her eyes and there was no warmth whatsoever, she was as cold as ice. I moved from the door and watched her leave.
After she left, I sank on the couch and cried, yes I know it sounds unmanly and weak to be crying over a girl who clearly did not feel about me the way I felt about her.
A little background info, my name is Jude Howard, I never knew my biologocal parents but I was raised very well by my adoptive parents who loved me so much and provided me with a good life until they passed away in a tragic accident. After living a comfortable life for the past 16years of my life, aunts and uncles came in like vultures after my parents’ deaths and took everything.
I bounced around in the foster care system until I turned 18, I took an interest in IT since I was still a kid, always fascinated by computers and what makes them so amazing. My father used to say, I started typing the minute I could talk so it was only natural that I got a scholarship to study at NYU and lucky for me, I managed not to get into the bad stuff even though the temptation was there, living in poverty can make you do crazy things but it always comes down to choice, I chose education because I felt it would have the best outcomes in the future.
I met Leila in my 2nd year at NYU, she was studying there too under a loan, something with admin I think . She was the most beautiful girl I ever saw, not that I hadnt had girls before but they all used me, you know when the popular girls use the nerd? That was my situation.
Anyway Leila seemed different, she saw something in me and stuck with me through all the ups and downs in my life. She was the first girl I ever felt actually loved me even though I thought I was beneath her. We dated for 3 years…well until just a few minutes ago when she dumped me
To be continued…