He’s a user and you’re being used.
I dated a guy once who turned out to be such a leech and it took me a while to figure it out. At first, I thought he was just friendly and sociable and that he was mixing in well with my friends. I was happy that I was seeing someone who made the merging of the friend groups easy.
But a couple of months later, I realized that he was slowly but surely usurping my social group for himself and his own needs. All at once, I looked around and found that my “friends” had flocked to him and left me by the wayside.
No one wants to feel like they’re being used. So, to prevent you from going through the same ordeal — or to stop the loser dead in his tracks before he does any more damage — let’s take a look at some of the key warning signs of leeching.
1. He’s extremely charming.
Everyone falls for a charmer, but the fact is that not all of them have good intentions. While some people are naturally charming because of their kindness and genial personality, others are charming in a way that is more selfish and opportunistic. If you find yourself in the presence of an exceptionally charming guy, keep your wits about you.
2. He’s a manipulator.
The unfortunate brilliance of a manipulator is that they make it difficult for you to discern that you’re being manipulated. He knows how to flip a situation so that he’s never the one in the wrong.
Somehow, whenever he’s in deep water, he ends up coming out the other side as the victor. A good manipulator also uses his charm to his advantage to disarm the other person. That way, you’re almost blinded to his scheming.
3. He burns through people really quickly.
He seems like a great guy to you. You’ve fallen head over heels and you think it’s the match you’ve been waiting for. You’ve heard a little bit about his romantic history, you’ve even seen a scorned ex or two, but by the way he’s treating you, you can’t picture him burning through you like he did the others.
But then you notice that his friendships don’t last long either. A person he called his “best friend” two weeks ago has suddenly been replaced. This signals that he doesn’t value relationships as much as you think he does.
4. He starts hanging out with your friends by himself.
You’re relieved that you’ve found a guy who is not only great for you but also jives well with your friends. This seems like a plus because it can be really hard to find someone who likes your friends and who also earns their admiration. However, he’s doing so well with your social group that he starts hanging out with them when you’re not around.
This in itself doesn’t have to be a problem, but be careful. He may steal them (by using his charm and manipulative skills) from right under your nose. How sure are you that people will remain on your side if there’s a split?
5. He uses you in other ways.
You can tell he’s leeching if he’s self-serving in other aspects of the relationship. When it comes to making plans with you, it is always according to his schedule and whenever he deigns to get back to you.
When it comes to sex, the focus is all on his satisfaction and not yours. Because you’re falling for him, you might overlook these details, knowingly or unknowingly. But if he’s selfish and using you in one way, it’s only a matter of time before he takes it to the next level.
6. He’s hesitant about committing.
You don’t want to pressure someone into committing to you, but he seems to be suspiciously avoidant of the topic. He’ll act like a boyfriend, but he won’t make the boyfriend commitment. This is a bad, bad sign.
It means he wants to reap the benefits of being in a relationship without actually doing the work or taking responsibility. Remember, a guy who really likes you won’t hesitate or string you along.
7. Even when things between you two go south, he still keeps in touch with your friends.
All of these signs have added up in the worst way. You’ve finally decided that it’s best to keep your distance from him or to just let him loose entirely. Naturally, you think this means that you’ve put a boundary up and the friends you shared with him are now off-limits. He doesn’t see it that way.
After you’ve broken it off, he still hits up your friends (guys, and even worse, your girls). This is the epitome of adding insult to injury. Not only did he leech off of you while you were dating, but now that you’re not he’s still trying to get his way.
Next time you date or start a relationship with someone, check their selfishness levels. If they seem curiously high, you’ve got yourself a leech.