” What! No you cant!” I shouted, am sure if he was seeing my face he would read my displeasure.
” You can’t come here dear brother because am not going to be around this whole week. We have a workshop in Livingstone and I left this morning” I went on explaining to my elder brother who called to let me know he would be visiting me for some days.
” Just lodge at Aunty’s place in Matero brother, am not going to be home”
I heard him sigh obviously disappointed. He just called to ask if he can lodge at my place as he would be working from Lusaka. I couldn’t allow it even when I knew he never liked going to spend days at our aunty’s where he mostly grew up from.
Him unlike me had one home to live in. After our parents died leaving the three of us with my elder brother and young sister who unfortunately died in a road accident the year I was completing my studies at CBU.
I never really had one place to stay. I always moved from one home to another. Thankfully our parents left enough money for our tertiary education and so all we needed was a home to live in and our relatives took us in. My sister and me went to stay with our uncle in Kapiri. The more reason I visited my aunty in Kabwe more often.
My brother went to stay with the young sister to mom in Matero and he did his studies at The University of Zambia, were he studied Economics.
My kid sister was doing her grade 12 the year she died. She was travelling from Kapiri to go visit our aunty in Matero when she met her demise.
Not like I am complaining, but our family had not always been that close. It was mostly one man for himself and people never really paid visits to one another except during funerals and other family gatherings.
I had hopped I would get someone to stay with after I started working but it was difficult to have anyone stay with me. Most of my cousins and nieces preferred to stay closer to their parents and I finally decided to give up trying to have people live with me.
Only my brother paid me visits most of the times, but this time around I was not ready to host him. Knowing how controlling he was I wasn’t ready for him to come over especially that the room he usually slept in was now for my Benjamin. What with the fact that I was living with a mad stranger, there was no way I would allow him to see him and end up taking away the source of my joy over a month.
” Am sorry Brother. I wish I knew you were coming I could have left the keys for you” I sighed making a sad tone.
” lt’s okey sis, take care of yourself. I bet I will just lodge at some hotel then” he concluded before cutting the line.
Staying with Benjamin for over 4 weeks was actually getting better. At some point the drugs had finished and now that I knew the names of the drugs I needed not to go and steal from Chinama like before. I just went to some pronounced Chemist and bought them even when it cost me half a thousand. My Benjamin surprisingly gained some weight and I couldn’t help admire him.
“Sleeping?” I murmered to myself as l stood in his bedroom. He had not moved out of his room that day and I got worried.
It was a weekend and he usually came out on his own. I drew the bed cover and slid in the blankets besides him.
I felt him shift slightly his warm body touching mine. I saw him open his eyes and glance at me.
” Hey!” I smiled hoping he would answer like he did sometimes. But he was quite.
I shifted sharply when I felt something hard rub my thigh. I had wore a skirt and a vest.
” Oh Benjamin! ” I laughed realising he didn’t have any clothes on which I had noticed was his way of sleeping.
He turned and looked at me his lips smiling slightly. ” What?” I asked looking at his deep white eyes. ” Don’t tell me you can also be h*rny?” I laughed not taking away my eyes from his.
I pushed my hand inside his thighs and I saw him wince slightly making me giggle as I felt him stand harder.
I felt the urge to help myself with him but then I realise I couldn’t do that to him especially that he wouldn’t probably know about that later on.
Well, my plan didn’t work as he surprised me, I withdrew my hand but now he was the one now rubbing his hand on me.
” Oh Jezz!” I moaned surprised.
” We have to stop Benjamin” I held his hand but it seemed I had provoked him enough. He pushed me back and leaped on top of me.
” Stop!” I shouted trying to push him away, but he didn’t , he pushed my legs apart roughly and quickly pushed himself inside making me scream, it was supposed to hurt cause he was really rough but No, I held on to him not wanting him to stop.
Like a mad man he was, he went on thrusting harder and for a moment I was lost in pleasure.
” He screamed loudly and fall on me as he outdid himself leaving me so powerless my inside felt sore but good.
” Oh my God, Benjamin” I sighed my eyes shut as he lay motionless on top of me, I could feel his heart racing. With my hands I pushed him down and he fall down fast asleep in an instant.
” Jen, now this is madness to its core” I whispered as I pulled myself out on the bed pulling down my small skirt.
I sat in the tab filled with water as I relived the moment. He surely had what I had termed a “perfect tool ” and if only he was normal, that would make him earn points in love making.
I felt guilty in the end. Like I was taking advantage of his condition. I recalled when I was talking to some friend who told me when I asked if mad people had feelings.
” Yes they have” she had responded.
” Haven’t you heard of stories where mad people give birth to some babies. Meaning they too get horny and can have sex too. ”
” Well that’s hilarious” I sighed shaking my head. I had not thought Benjaimn would feel like doing it with me. I honestly never had that planned. All I knew was I loved him or maybe was so concerned about him, but it wasn’t my intention to use him for my personal gain.
What I had experienced that morning, made me realise there was hope for Benjamin and I had to find a way of helping him.
I finalised taking my long bath and changed my clothes, this time wearing a chitenge lest I entice my Benjamin again.
I sat in front of the TV and I was almost changing from ZNBC to watch some other channel when something caught my attention.
” There will be 21 days of prayer and deliverance at Chelstone Parish. Come and experience a touch of God’s anointing with father Lumba” came the advert and I felt great.
” This is it! ” I whispered loudly.
” Yes Yes! God forgive me for my sins and please make this happen” I prayed loudly as I took down the line on the screen.
Later that day, I called the priest and partly explained my situation to him. He asked me to come and see him the following day after mass at the Parish.
” Thank you so much Father” , I told him before hanging up.
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The following morning I dressed up in a long skirt and decent blouse and covered my kink hair in black silk material, liking the decent but beautiful look it gave me.
After Mass which I enjoyed so much as it was about giving oneself to love others without condition like God loves us.
” So young lady, Tell me everything about this man you told me about yesterday” Father Lumba asked me with a smiling face.
I was quiet for a second not knowing where to begin from. ” lt’s alright, you can tell me everything and remember only God will answer your prayers am only here to help guide you through” he smiled
I told him everything from the funeral, to the kidnap and everything else in between. For a second I thought the man was thinking I was crazy.
” You are an exceptional woman, I don’t know how to describe you. I can’t seem to understand what really drives you to go this far for a man you hardly know” he sighed seriously.
” You have a big heart and for that I am certain God will see you through” he added
” Amen father” I responded.
” Now tell me, what happens if this man is prayed for and delivered then he remembers who he is and leaves you?” He asked a question I had never thought of before and it scared me. For a moment I thought maybe having him the way he was, paid off but I then thought how selfish I would be if I allowed such thoughts.
” All am concerned about is that he gets delivered and healed Father, if he will leave me then I guess it was meant to be that way” I sighed controlling the tears that threatened to spill.
The priest prayed for me and I cried through the prayer. I felt relieved when he was done and he asked for me to bring Benjamin over the following day for prayers assuring me there is nothing impossible with God.
He told me most of the mental sicknesses where spiritual and that God can change Benjamin’s story.
I got home that afternoon feeling optimistic. After I unlocked the door, I found Benjamin seated murmuring something to himself. I sat next to him and he looked at me with lustful eyes I knew what happened the other day got him to think he could get intimate with me whenever.
” No Benjamin not today that was a mistake and we should never do that again, at least until you are healed, Okey?” I looked at his face.
I couldn’t take the risk of him coming on me again especially after just confessing my sins, so I added valium to his food. He slept just after eating.
” Am not coming for work Kegan, tell the manager for me tommorow. Something came up and I can’t work. ” I asked Kegan for a favour.
” Whatever it is I hope soon it comes to an end cause you are always busy with whatever it is and am getting fed up of you standing all my efforts to have some time out.” He complained.
” I know my friend and am sorry. But I know one day I will tell you what has been going on. Only that I can’t at this point”
” Sure whatever you say Jen just take care of yourself ” he added before hanging up.
As I slept I started having creepy dreams of some people wanting to murder Me and Benjamin. The sight of strange looking people in my dreams scared me. They were chasing us and I stood between them and Benjamin who was shaking scared.
They scolded me for trying to stand in their way and I was certain they will chop me to pieces with a machete the woman who came on me had, but thank God I woke up before that happened.
I looked at my phone panting and sweating. The dream scared me and I had no other thought but call the priest. I doubted he would answer at that hour, but to my surprise he picked the call almost immediately telling me I was having an attack even before I could explain to him what I had dreamt.
” How did you know Father? ” I asked
” Don’t worry my child. Just bring Benjamin tommorow, the enemy can not succeed. He knows he is lossing. Those are just the kicks of a dying horse” he encouraged and prayed for me.
I felt calmer and went back to sleep after checking on Benjamin who was fast asleep.
” Let this be over my God” I whispered silently in my bed.
To be continued…