Good day beautiful people, hope all is well with you; today, what I want to talk about is INSECURITIES.  It’s a long word, no wonder it causes so many problems, but what is insecurity, people mistake that word for lots of others but according to Oxford dictionary, insecurity is anxiety or uncertainty about oneself; lack of confidence. I believe majority of us have experienced this at a point in time in our lives and usually the male species have been angered more when their partners show signs of insecurity.

But the main problem here is, what causes insecurities?  I’ve noticed that, most of the time, the insecurity people feel has actually got nothing to do with their current relationships. I’ll give you a scenario. A lady heard her boyfriend was seeing another woman, one she knew, when she confronted him, he said “ who, that lady, that lady who has so many men why would I even want to be with her?”. A month later, this lady who had too many men moved in with her boyfriend. Now she’s in a new relationship and she’s seeing a girl close to her man, when she questions, he says “that girl, oh she’s not my type, you know that”. At that moment, her mind goes back to the first scenario and then there’s insecurity, after all that’s what he also told me before cheating, he’s going to do same.

I want us to try something, whenever you enter into a relationship, don’t expect perfection, be realistic, don’t daydream you guys are going to be Jack and Rose in Titanic, who knows how long they would have lasted if they survived . Understand that you are just you and your partner. A very good healthy relationship requires hard work, lots of patience, lots of understanding, lots of love, lots of tolerance etc. but we will go into that another day.

Build on your self-confidence anyhow you know you can, join a good crowd that keeps you alive and makes you feel good about yourself.  I Joined Kizalsa and part of what we do is dance which works amazing wonders for me, some can try painting, whatever draws you, as long as it gives you confidence, do it. Do not wait for your partner to make you, be you, do something for yourself every day, make yourself more valuable every day.

Now something that is very important that we should never forget, never forget, your partner is definitely not your ex, even if they are twins, they are not the same, please, give him or her the benefit of the doubt, don’t assume, be rational, be careful, sometimes what you see is not what it really is so be careful in assuming stuff without being sure, it’ll bring about a lot of confusion

Most importantly,  communicate, about everything, let him or her know what goes on with you, and find out what goes on with him or her, it gives you a fair idea about who you are with and sometimes it tells you if your relationship is going to work or not. Communicating always keeps you in the loop, as soon as there is lack of communication there is insecurity, when communication comes down, usually the first thing a woman thinks is, “ he’s got someone else who he believes is better at listening to him than me” . Maybe it’s not that, maybe he’s just too busy or tired…. So tell her! That’s what communication is about and that way, there’ll be no insecurity, it’ll bring peace to the relationship, let’s all work against insecurities, it’s one of the fastest relationship killers. Thank you