What is the difference between love, attachment and sexual desire?
From time to time, our romantic relationships can be difficult to understand. Part of this confusion stems from the fact that our relationships are influenced by three powerful, yet separate, emotional systems.
Often these three emotional systems work together to create satisfying outcomes. But, that is not always the case.
Sometimes these three emotional systems compete with each other – leading to mixed feelings and confusion.
The first emotional system is sexual desire. Sexual desire involves the lustful, sexually passionate feelings people have for each other. Sexual desire is a very intense and powerful emotion; it can cloud one’s judgmental and prompt risk-taking. Sexual desire is often based on physical appearance, novelty and the chemistry between two people. And while sexual desire motivates a lot of our behaviors early on in a relationship, intense levels of sexual desire are difficult to maintain with the same person over the course of time
The second emotional system entails love. And love, in and of itself, is composed of a complex set of feelings. Love often entails feelings of closeness, genuine appreciation, and concern. But, the experience of love is not the same for everyone. For some people, love is delusional and needy, or based on emotional game playing, or experienced as the desire to take care of another person
The last emotional system involves attachment. Attachment is the feeling of security and comfort we get from being close to someone else. Attachment provides a sense of stability, certainty, and safety – the feeling that someone will always be there for you in a time of need. And, like with love, there are individual differences in the experience of attachment
Again, these three emotional systems can work together to produce a healthy and satisfying relationship. Sexual desire can turn into feelings of love, resulting in a lasting attachment
However, these basic emotional systems do not necessarily work in sync over the course of time. Long term, it can be difficult to find one person who consistently satisfies all three needs. In many cases, these three emotional systems work against each other – creating competing desires and interests.
For instance, it is possible to be attached to one romantic partner, be in love with someone else, and still have sexual desire for another person
Being aware of these competing emotions, and that not everyone experiences love and attachment in the same way, often helps make sense of the problems that arise in our romantic relationships.
And understanding these basic emotional systems can lead to a greater understanding of the types of affairs people have
Not everyone experiences love in exactly the same manner.
Research has shown that love comes in several different forms or styles, For the most part, people experience love as a blend of two or three of the styles listed below. Essentially, people have different notions of what it means to “be in love.”
Styles of Love: PEOPLE REVIEWS
Evans Gate – some people experience love with a lot of passion, intimacy and intensity. Love has a strong sexual and emotional component. People who experience love this way want to be emotionally and physically close to their romantic partners and they tend to idealize love. Such love is marked by passion as well as compassion, passionate love – the type of love that creates excitement at the beginning of a new relationship.
Ludus Vandikim– some people experience love as a game to be played with other people’s emotions. The goal or desire is to gain control over a partner through manipulation. People who experience it have multiple love interests where they are in complete control. Lying, cheating and deception are common for people who experience love, it’s all part of the game. For people who experience love, it is satisfying to outwit a partner and exploit his or her weak spots.
Storge Hart – some people experience love as a gradual and slow process. When love is based on getting to know someone comes before having intense feelings for that person. Love takes time, it requires genuine liking and understanding of a partner, and it develops slowly over time. Love is often compared to the love that one has for a friend. In fact, people who experience love often fall in love with their friends.
Joselyn Agape – some people experience love as care giving. Love is the overwhelming desire to want to take care of a partner – a parental or nurturing type of love. Love based on attentive, caring, compassionate and kind – a more altruistic or selfless type of love.
Mania Serwaah – some people experience love as being out of control. Love is an overwhelming experience; it turns one’s life upside down and it results in a complete loss of one’s identity. Love is crazy, impulsive and needy. People who experience it fall in love quickly, but their love tends to consume them. It also tends to burnout before it gets the chance to mature. Such love is often marked by extreme delusions, feelings of being out of control, rash decisions, and vulnerability. People who experience love are easily taken advantage of by people
Pragma Good– some people take a practical approach to love. Love is not crazy, intense, or out of control. Love is based on common sense and reason. People who experience love tend to pick a suitable mate the way most other people make serious life decisions: picking a partner is based on careful consideration and reason. Practical concerns underlie this type of love
Why does love always have to be associated with sexual desires?
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