Boat took a seat facing her. One long look at her and he knew he loved her too much to let go. He admitted he had missed her more than he imagined. He noticed her dull eyes and reasoned she was hurt by his actions but he was hurting more, and felt betrayed. Boat run his hands through his hair. He was not sure where to start from. Esenam could not take the silence anymore.
“You are welcome. Hope you are well! ” Boat still couldn’t find his voice. He wasn’t sure what to say. He was still angry and hurt. He stayed away because he would have said something that could have damaged their relationship. That was his weakness. He knew he was unbearable when he was angry, hurt and jealous. That was why he stayed away until he was calm.
Sitting across from her all he wanted to do was hug her and assure her of his undying love, his dedication, his commitment and, above all else, the fact that he couldn’t live without her. But the thought that Akwasi hugged her, feeling her breasts on his chest, made him very jealous.
“I guess you have unpleasant news that’s why you are behaving like that,” Esenam said sadly. “I bet you are here to tell me it is over between us because you think Akwasi and I are still intimate. Well, it’s unfortunate that you don’t trust me enough. Love and trust are soul mates. You can’t separate them. To clear your doubts, let me state here and now that there is nothing between Akwasi and me. What you saw was a friendly and farewell hug. If I had known for a moment that Akwasi was going to use that against me because he apparently saw you enter, I wouldn’t have bothered. Somehow, it’s good it happened because your reaction told me you don’t trust me that much. This tells me you never loved me as much as you made me believe. I have been the fool. As I sit here, I’m dying for you because I love you even more.”
“I’ve missed you, Esenam. I love you.” Esenam closed her eyes as if she did not want to hear him say that. It was so ironic. ”
” Please don’t play games with me. You know you can do better than that. You can at least start by telling me why you’ve treated me like an undesirable element for the past few weeks?”
“I’m sorry, Esenam. I just couldn’t help it. I needed to deal with my demons.”
“Is that all you can say, sorry? Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through these two weeks? And all you can say is you couldn’t help it? I really thought and believed you loved me, Boat. I am disappointed in the way you handled the situation.”
“I do love you Esenam but when I saw you and…I mean when I found you in Akwasi’s arms I went completely berserk. I was so consumed with jealousy, pain and bitterness, my whole existence was threatened. I felt like I had lost you and that made me go bonkers. Why was he with you at that time of day? Are you still in love with him?”
“How can you ask me that? Don’t you know I love only you? Or is it that you never believed in me? Or you are not sure of what you feel for me? God, I thought we passed this stage. How could you even think of that? If I were still in love with Akwasi, do you think I’ll be with you? You better examine yourself to know what you feel for me. It’s certainly not love if you cannot trust me.”
“Look, I know I’ve behaved badly. The truth is I love you too much that is why I couldn’t take it when I saw you in another man’s arms. There is a saying.. once bitten, twice shy, you know.” Boat tried to explain himself.
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“You see, I had a very bad experience once. When I saw you in Akwasi’s arms, it all came back to me. There was this lady I was involved with a long time ago. Everything was going well. We had been in the relationship for about two years. We planned to get married in the future. I went to see her as usual at her place one day, she told me her Auntie called to inform her that her Mom was sick and that she had to come immediately. I saw her off to the station and waited till the bus was loaded and took off. When I reached home, I realized I had left a document I was supposed to work on that night in her house. I had a spare key so it wasn’t a big deal. I hurried back to her place to get it. When I got there and I turned the handle, the door opened. I thought in our haste to get to the station, we had forgotten to lock up so I entered…then the sight that met my eyes was horrible. There, on the bed, was the woman I thought loved me. She was with her ex-boyfriend, making love. I don’t know how I got home that day. When I later saw her she tried to blame her action on something she termed a bond. She mentioned something about women never forgetting their first love and that she still loved me.
I relocated to Accra after that incident. When I saw you in Akwasi’s arms, all of that came back to me. If I had stayed I don’t know what I’d have done. I just couldn’t bear the pain. I needed to cool off or I was going to kill someone. So that is why I’ve stayed away all this while.”
“That’s painful, Boat, thinking I could be capable of hurting you like that. I’m not a dog to vomit and go back to eat it. Someone gives you a flimpsy excuse for her sordid actions and you generalize it? I am Esenam and she is whatever she is. If you say you love me there should be some element of trust. You should be able to know the things I can do and the things I cannot do. Have I in anyway given you any reason to doubt me?”
“No Esenam. You are getting it wrong. I trust you. I guess I have a problem. I needed some time to get over the way I felt. I could’ve done or said something that could have hurt you deeply and I wanted to avoid that. I’m sorry for causing you unbearable pain. I know I’m too possessive sometimes but please give me a chance to make it up to you. I can’t live without you, that’s the gospel truth. I love you and I trust you. Can you please give me another chance, just one chance?”
Esenam got to her feet and walked to the window. It hurt so bad the way Boat had made her feel over the past weeks. Granted, she triggered it by allowing Akwasi into her house and hugging him. It was true Akwasi exaggerated a bit, obviously to get to Boat, but she believed what they shared was more. She believed Boat should be able to know what she could and couldn’t do. She felt betrayed and abandoned. She stood looking out the window without uttering a single word.
