The Coffin Maker Episode 13

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Opana

Mr Commander to prove to you that am not making up stories or exaggerating, I came here with my hardcopy of the pictures which will back my claims.

Commander

Wonderful, this will make our work very easy and I will so deal with that foolish man, but wait ooo surprisingly you haven’t told me your name and where you are coming from?

Opana

Oh, am Kofi Ansah a.k.an “Opana the rough boy”, am the only professional coffin maker in the next town.

Commander

(wipes his face hearing the name)

Oh, so you are the famous and renowned coffin maker who made a good name for himself due to your good works.

Opana

That is me and anyone who comes in contact with me, I leave either a “will or a bill”, now take a look at this picture I have on this phone.

Commander

(seeing the phone brings a cold shiver down his ribs and he looks a bit frightened)

Did you say you had naked pictures of the man on this phone?

Opana

Oh, yes and that is the reason why am giving you the phone to scroll through it so you see the idiot who has been illegally mining the gold in-between my daughter’s legs. I want to make life unbearable for him and by tomorrow, I will be travelling to Accra to see first the Inspector General of Police (IGP), then from there, I move to some leading media houses. You see there are 3 things involved in my mission out there, one the culprit will be disgraced and he will lose his job, two his marriage will hit the rocks and lastly I will get more money from the media houses with the kind of information I have for them, I know and have a strong edge that the story will make waves due to personality involved.

Commander

(scrolling through the phone and seeing his naked pictures)

Mmm…… Mmmmm Mr Ansah.

Opana

(cuts in)

Oh, I prefer you refer to me as Opana.

Commander

You see we can settle this amicably without anyone getting to know of this. As you rightly said if these pictures get to the hands of the media, my life will be doomed. Everything I have worked for will cave in on me. I will lose my job as I will be going on pension in less than 3 years, my sick wife might die out of shock and my chances of been enstooled as a paramount chief in my hometown will be ruined. Please reconsider your conviction once again. Am willing to dance to any tune you play, please I beg of you.

Opana

Ah commander you have really disappointed me. What do you have written on the calendar behind you?

Commander

(turns and reads it out)

I am a proud Police Officer and I don’t accept or give Bribe.

Opana

You see am also a proud professional Coffin Maker and accepting a bribe is against my ethics.

Commander

My brother this won’t be a bribe, it will only be a token for the secret I want you to keep between us. Please think through it my brother because lives are involved in here.

Opana

Equally, my daughter’s dignity was at stake also. Did you for once consider the age of my 16years old daughter?

Commander

But she told me she was over 18 years when I approached her and her body attested to the fact that she is matured. Please I wasn’t aware that she is underage.

Opana

Oh nice, as you always tell people when they falter with the law that “ignorance is no excuse of the law”, I will equally hold you ransom to that because you should have also run a background check on her. From where am coming from, our motto is “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”, looking at the size of your thing in between your legs am very convinced that my daughter has most of the tissues in her v****a torn apart that even doctors can’t repair it for her. I won’t forgive you for that because that girl has been betrothed to the Prince of this very town and she is to be presented to him on their wedding day a virgin. Now, what do I tell the chief and his people?

Commander

(goes on his knees to ask for mercy)

My brother words alone can’t show how sorry I am for doing wrong to your daughter and your family. Am willing to make amends Opana, please don’t punish me with my stupid mistake.

Opana

(laughs in his head, my plan is really going well for me)

You promised my daughter three thousand Ghana Cedis (3000) last night. Give that money to me first and secondly, every member of my household is also aware of your illegal business with my daughter. (his phone rings)

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BACK IN OPANA’s HOUSE:

Akua Yankey

Adjoa Bernice, you made me very sad last night. At your tender age, why are you plying on such dangerous grounds? What if you contracted any sexually transmitted disease or even got pregnant from it? Sleeping with over 17men which is even more than your age is outrageous and very alarming, I must say am very worried and remain very shocked. I have to send you to the town’s hospital for a thorough check-up on you to see if you haven’t spoilt the place with the different sizes of manhood that entered there.

Bernice Ansah

(crying)

Mummy, I don’t know what came over me, Ever since I caught bro Kwaku and sister Agnes doing it at the back of the house I became tempted to try it and when I did, the edge became too strong for me to resist any man who demanded it from me. And I remember you told me that I shouldn’t be headstrong when anyone asks me of something I can offer or give. You further went on to say givers never lack and their blessings in heaven increases.

Akua Yankey

Whaaat? You mean you caught your elder brother and that slut having sex behind the house? Now Kwaku Mike what have you got to say to this allegation against you?

Michael Ansah

Mummy, it was the work of the devil.

Akua Yankey

Eeeeiiii so this devil koraa is he stupid? Can’t he come out from wherever he is hiding to defend himself a little? Every crime or wrong that someone does the blame is shifted on him and he never comes out to defend himself. You went to throw your waist up and down, left, right, centre and you stand before me to say it was the work of the devil. So, your father stating that she said you should stay away from her was not a made-up story. Hmmmm, now that I have heard ugly stories of Michael and Bernice, am waiting to hear that of Leticia and Deborah’s own. I am scared to even address you as children now because you people have shown to me that we are in the computer world and you are capable of doing the unthinkable.

Bernice and Michael Ansah

(chorus)

Mummy, please forgive us, it won’t happen again and we promise to turn a new chapter and make you proud of us.

Akua Yankey

Can I ever bear you grudges or throw my intestines away and fill my stomach with leaves? If you say you have turned a new chapter, I have heard you and my eyes will be on the ground watching you.

OPANA’s SHOP:

Senior Apprentice

Where is the youngest apprentice here? I want you to go and buy me fufu and groundnut soup from the market square.

Young Apprentice

Senior please, you heard master as he was leaving this place that no one should leave this shop until he returns and that he has set spies amongst us.

Senior Apprentice

I have seen that you guys don’t respect me in this shop and from henceforth if anyone of you steps on my shadow, I will so deal with you that you will regret coming to learn coffin making in this shop.

Young Apprentice

Senior, please understand me for you know am always willing to serve you and do all your biddings. I beg of you to understand me today.

2nd Apprentice

Yaw Manu let this innocent boy be. You heard the instructions our master left behind. Don’t get him into trouble for he came to this place to learn a profession for himself and not trouble or your wahala.

Senior Apprentice

Hmmmm, so you now rock shoulders with me in this shop huh, I blame you not, for it is master who has caused all this gross disrespect for me. But I will prove you guys wrong soon. “Enemies can never be God”.

Customer

Good afternoon young men. We are after your boss, where is he?

2nd Apprentice

Please sir, he has gone out at the moment.

Customer

Do you by chance know the time he will return? We have an appointment to catch with him.

Senior Apprentice

Mmmm, director, you see I am the 2IC here, so in the absence of my master if there is anything, you can bring it out since am a good negotiator than him.

2nd Customer

Excuse me but please what do you mean by the word 2IC?

Senior Apprentice

Oh, so you don’t know this one? Well, my father happens to be an Air Vice Marshal at the Air Force Base at Burma Camp and because I use to mingle with the young soldiers, I happen to use most of the coded language to communicate with people thinking am still with them. Well, the 2IC simply means Second-In-Command.

2nd Customer

Lol!!! You are funny like your boss but we will prefer to wait for him since he is aware that we will be here this afternoon.

2nd Apprentice

I like the sound of that but please try and call him so he will know that you have come to meet his absence and that his presence is needed here as soon as possible.

1st Customer

I think that is a brilliant idea, can you please give me your master’s number?

2nd Apprentice

With pleasure sir, his number is 0249446151.

1st Customer

You are a great personality with a fabulous technique to communicate with people. (dials the number and the lines goes through)

BACK IN THE COMMANDER’s OFFICE:

Commander

My brother, temper justice with mercy for me, please. If you leak this picture of mine a lot of bad things will happen to me and my family.

Opana

You should have thought of that before swinging your shifted waist on my daughter in a Suhum-Nsawam sequence and surprise my daughter has been walking about freely like nothing heavy, long and powerful has slipped between her legs.

Commander

My brother, am on my knees begging, it will be a big deal if any of my junior officers come to meet me in such uncompromising state, it will bring many issues because, in the police service, many can’t keep their mouths shut.

(Opana’s phone rings and he answers the call with swag)

Opana

Good afternoon, this is Dr. Opana’s business line, who is on the line and how may I help you?

1st Customer

Good afternoon director, this is the man who came to your shop with his sister yesterday to purchase your wonderful masterpiece. Actually, we are at your shop and I must say your 2IC is very hilarious and he is really entertaining us.

Opana

(smiling)

Oh, I am sorry you came to meet my absence but I will be there in a jiffy for us to complete our business deal. But did you say my 2IC is very hilarious?

1st Customer

Oh yes and am enjoying myself here but please kindly get here quick.

Opana

Don’t worry I will be there soon. (call ends)

Commander

My brother I’m still kneeling before you so please do something about my plea, I beg of you and am ready to do anything to please you.

Opana

Did you say you are ready to do anything to please me?

Be careful of what you ask of me because am an unpredictable person.

Tbc