The Coffin Maker Episode 10

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Opana:

Oh shut that gutter you call a mouth, I have seen all that you are plotting against me but I swear by the nipple that first breastfed me that it won’t work. My friend serves me with my evening meal for me to quickly consume because I have an important and emergency meeting with my tenants and if you people like poison it, I will eat and drink DDT on top as a soft drink.

Akua Yankey:

I don’t have your time this evening but I know where to get you.

Opana:

Don’t even try to impede me with your body or sex because if you try I equally know what to do to sort myself out.

Akua Yankey:

I swear if you try any funny move with my thing erh, I will curse you.

Opana:

Apuuuuu!!! Who eats palm nut soup and doesn’t get tired, hurry up with my food before I decide not to eat your food this evening and you know what that implies. Where is that thing called Bernice?

Akua Yankey:

She is in her room, any problem?

Opana:

After my meal and meeting with my tenants, I will brief you or better still she can open up to you since you are her alibi who has been covering up for her always.

Akua Yankey:

What do you mean by that?

Opana:

My friend get me my supper now and stop asking me unnecessary questions. What is all these wahala that I am facing in my own house, I need to marry a new wife who will calm down my nerves from all this stress I get from you people.

Akua Yankey:

(gives a very loud hiss)

Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!! Over my dead body (walks out to get her husband’s food).

Michael Ansah:

Papa so why are you doing this to us?

Opana:

Young man, don’t annoy me this evening because I lost trust in you the moment you and your mother betrayed and stabbed me in the back, did I ever make you lack anything when you went to school? Didn’t I perform my fatherly duties to satisfaction? Because of you guys I worked myself day and night just to make your lives very comfortable, what wrong did I do?

Akua Yankey:

(walks in to serve her husband and keeps murmuring)

Nothing my kids and I do in this house please you. You see fault with everything that we do.

Opana:

Woman, will you shut up for me to enjoy my supper in peace? Do you expect me to applaud you when nothing you and your children do looks pleasing to my sight? I paid thousands of cedis for that idiot to read a course in the university and you passed behind me to change his course without informing me the sponsor, do you know how painful that is? Why don’t you assist him to get a job after school, all he does now is to eat my food and fight with his younger ones?

Akua Yankey:

I don’t like the way you treat him in this house, he is your eldest child and his sisters must accord him with that respect. Because you treat him like an outcast his younger ones also treat him same, they speak to him anyhow and you are proud of them.

Opana:

Today, you have mouth to exchange words with me woman, have you seen how bulky you people look now, I work my ass out day and night but yet still you don’t appreciate what I do for you people. Now for your information I am giving your son 3 weeks to pack out of my house and go and seek for a better life outside this compound, after all he owns a degree in photography or whatever course he read in the university.

Akua Yankey:

So, in other words, you are driving him away from this house?

Opana:

Exactly my wife, at his age I was a responsible father and I was out there without a degree fending for you and him. I have spoken and that is final. Now come and clear this food from my face. (walks out to meet his tenants)

At the meeting on the compound:

Tenants:

You are welcome Mr. Landlord.

Opana:

Thank you to those who honoured my invitation even at a short notice, my day has been ruined so I won’t beat about the bush. I will go straight to the point.

Collins Twumasi:

(whispering to himself)

I hope this man won’t make me the centre for discussion this evening?

Eno Bruwa:

(scared to the marrow and also wondering if Opana has any bad news for her) God please don’t let this man wash my dirty clothes outside here because I have a lot of enemies on this compound.

Opana:

Well, as you are all aware that Christmas is fast approaching and most of you tenants, your rent has expired. I wouldn’t like to mention names here because I know all of you are aware of your monetary standings, also I want to do maintenance on some of the rooms on this compound and also paint the entire house so I have decided to increase the rent to 50% of what you are already paying.

Mr Baffour:

But landlord you can’t increase the rent just like that, at least we should be given prior notice.

Opana:

Isn’t this a notice? Do I have to sort for your approval before I take the decision in my own house? Please anyone who can’t afford to go by my orders can pack out of my house now and for those whose rent has expired you have by the end of the week to settle your bills with the new rent charges or else I will eject you like a snail from its shell.

Ifeoluwa:

Oga landlord, you for no do that nko, shabi you for take am easy give us, the economy be bad and slow abeg reconsider your decision jhoor. Biko my super fabulous landlord.

Opana:

(in a feminine voice)

My dear this is Ghana and we don’t joke with our money issues so just stick to my decision or pack out, do you know what I passed through when I spent some years in Nigeria, your countrymen made me decide never to travel to any other country again so take my little advice and abide by my new rules and regulations.

Ama Amissah:

Landlord, this is too much, as you can see no one amongst us is in support of your decision so if you can reconsider it and make amendment like everyone will be so happy and we will sing praises unto your name. My husband said things are tough back in the States hence he hardly sends money back home nowadays.

Opana:

Well, that is so bad for you but as I have already informed you, I have made my decision and nothing anyone of you say here will reverse my decision. If you can’t cope with my decision you can pack out of my compound because I have a lot of people on standby waiting to move in the moment I signal the person of the vacancy in my house.

Agnes Kyerewaa:

Mr Landlord please I’m on my knees, I don’t usually do this but today I’m on my knees begging you to please do something about your intended decision to increase our rents, even with the current rent most of us are finding it difficult to pay. Please be a Christian and reconsider your decision.

Collins Twumasi:

Opana our champion landlord, the locomotive man, the landlord extraordinaire, the only young man amongst his age mates, man of compassion and with great swag, the………

Opana:

(cuts in without allowing his tenants to talk)

Hold it there Collins, I know where you are driving towards to. Today nothing anyone will say here will change my mind, I repeat those of you owing me should come and amicably settle me before I strike because the plan I have is diabolic.

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BACK IN OPANA’s ROOM:

Michael Ansah:

Mum, I heard everything he said, are you sure he is my real father?

Akua Yankey:

Shut up my son, what stupid question is that? He should be even angrier with you for what you did, I warned you when you decided to change the course he knew you were reading. He made arrangements for you at the MP’s office when you got to your final year only for him to get to know that you have diverted your course. I blame you for all these things happening here in this house.

Michael Ansah:

Mum so can’t I follow my passion and dreams any longer?

Akua Yankey:

What positive results have your dreams and passion brought to you and this family. Get up and do something if you want to be accorded with much respect in this family.

Michael Ansah:

Mum, I have my plans and I will leave this house to the city even before the time span I was given by your husband elapse. I promise to make you proud very soon. I am not that useless as you and your husband see me.

Bernice Ansah:

(walks in)

Mum, why this noise all over the place?

Akua Yankey:

Did you say noise? Wait till your father returns and you will get to know since he asked of you in an angry tone.

Bernice Ansah:

(changes face with her hands on her head)

Mummy, please save me from the wrath of papa, I am scared of what he might do to me.

Akua Yankey:

And what are you talking about? Save you from the wrath of your father, how?

Bernice Ansah:

Mmmmm…….. Mmmmmmmmm………

Michael Ansah:

Hey talk and let mummy see what she can do to save you from papa or have you gone to do your thing again?

Bernice Ansah:

Please oooo, I haven’t stepped a foot on your land. Please stay away from my matter because I don’t want your trouble this evening.

Michael Ansah:

Mummy, you see how she is speaking to me rudely, I will slap the madness out of her very soon. I don’t blame her, it’s papa who has caused all these things.

Bernice Ansah:

Leave me alone ooo, I said don’t interfere in my issues.

Akua Yankey:

Adjoa Bernice shut up before I hit you with the bowl in my hand. Foolish girl, the next time I hear you talking to your elder brother like that again erh, I will let him beat you till you collapse. Now apologise to him right now before I slap your stupid face.

BACK AT THE MEETING ON THE COMPOUND:

Opana:

For you Agnes you are preaching Christianity here right, every night I pass behind your window and the kind of sound that comes from the room I believe the walls of my room always get an orgasm from the hymns you sing through moaning. The only person I haven’t seen coming out from your room is a Chinese albino, those men don’t they give you enough money?

Agnes Kyerewaa:

Please oooo Mr Landlord drop me here wai, the fact that I pleaded with you to reconsider the high rent charges doesn’t warrant you to insult my means of survival, ashawo too be business because after all I pay every bill I am supposed to pay in this house on time and moreover, I have 18 months more before my rent expires, what have I got to worry about is your 50% increment because by then my house would have been completed and please tell your son to stop bothering me because he’s not my class, I don’t do boys who still live with their parents. Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeew, I am out of here.

(walks out on them)

Collins Twumasi:

Hahahahaha yawa paa ooooo.

Opana:

Oh shut up you womanizer, you have mouth to talk even though you owe over 2 months’ rent plus utility bills and let me warn you, the next time I see you around my underage daughter I will rent a room for you at the police station.

Hajia Kubra:

(in a very calm tone)

My honourable landlord please take it easy, we are not fighting over here, this is a simple dialogue where everyone is expressing his or her views so please calm down.

Eno Bruwaa:

God bless you, my sister for your kind words, you have spoken my mind.

Opana:

It seems you people planned before my coming but I must say I won’t listen to anyone on this, I request “Daddy Lumba’s – Yen tie obiaa” for everyone in this house. The utility bills has been pasted on the notice board for days now, those who haven’t paid yet have up to the end of the week to pay or else I will cut the person off from supply. Also, from tomorrow, I will be locking the main gate at exactly 9:30 pm because thieves have started operating since Christmas is around the corner, convey the news to those who failed to show up for my meeting and tell them that I will deal with them for failing to attend this very important meeting. I have spoken and so shall it be, good night to all of you

Eno Bruwa:

The king that refuses advice from his elders slides his garments in faeces when attending a social gathering.

Tbc