Chinecherem had forgotten her Bible, true to her words and it was in my room. I didn’t even know and Chinaza roasted me for it.
“I didn’t see it because I wasn’t looking for it. How would I know that Chinecherem even had a bible?”I protested, still wondering how the Bible got to be in my room. I had never opened a bible with her before. Chinecherem wasn’t giving a reasonable explanation, she was all about the indomie and how nice it was to see us guys again. “Or are you trying to say that there is something else behind that Bible being in my room?” I asked trying to play the righteous one and shooting myself in the leg while at it.
“I am not saying anything o. It’s just that I have never come into your room any day to see James cap or singlet or even pen that he had forgotten but it’s either I see a girl’s forgotten g-string or it’s another girls Bible,” Chinaza chirped out nonchalantly.
James faked a yawn and Willie let out his signature grin. Shape adjusted where she sat on the bed and only Chinecherem laughed.
“Pant kwa? Tell me about it,” Shape asked, cupping her chin with her hand.
“Yes o, gist us,” Willie supported. I waded in, that tape was too unsavory and I wouldn’t like it to be played.
“We were talking about indomie before,” I chipped in and shape hushed me.
“The indomie can wait, this upcoming story dy totori me well well,” she said and kept staring at Naza. Naza shot me a look and saw how restless I was. She was my baby and she could read me.
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing actually. Neche go and make indomie. We are hungry,” she finally said. Shape hissed. I didn’t grumble about the indomie or complain about the number of people that were lined up to stuff their stomach at my expense. I just ran into the kitchen before Naza would entertain them with that unsexy tale of us and Cynthia’s Pant.
The carton of indomie came down from top of the wardrobe and another problem surfaced. I had just enough pot to cook three packs of indomie, the bachelor’s type of pot. I had 5 half adults with the guys among them having the average capacity to consume three packs and still ask for more.
“You should just cook in batches, cook three first for the ladies. They would eat together, then cook another three for me, then you can cook three for you and James.”
That was Williams giving me suggestions. He got tongue lashed for it. Even shape chopped him up too. After running back and forth and everything, we adopted his plan.
We chatted while the noodles boiled and when the first three packs cooked, the ladies set on it, eating it like typical ladies. Willie excused himself and went outside. He came back in with a tin of sardine and three raw eggs.
“This is for my own, you guys can only look at it once, the second look will blind you,” he declared and dumped it on the table. The girls whispered to each other and giggled. The next three packs of indomie soon cooked and was garnished all round with sumptuous eggs and sardines. Willie gently set it on the floor.
He closed his eyes and said his one second prayer.
“Plus Jesus, Minus Satan,” he said and the girls yelled out a loud amen, louder than his own and before he could dig his fork into the steaming noodles, the girls had already surrounded him on the floor and were rolling out noodles. The first things to go were the eggs, then the bits of fishes followed suit. I swear I have never seen Willie look so tearful, not even the look on his face the day my mother sold his brand new Playstation 2 to the junk collectors for 200 naira thinking it was my grandfather’s old gramophone could compare to the look he had on his face at that moment. He had bought that game for 20,000 naira.
It was like the girls had raped the indomie and left it bare afterwards. He couldn’t complain because his Shape was among the Raiders. Chinaza was there so I just kept mute but I swear I wasn’t laughing, I felt the pain too. James however let it rain.
They left the food for him and went back to the bed. Only Chinecherem stayed back. She loved food.
“Naza, I thought you loved me?” Willie managed to ask shape.
“Of course I do, my problem with you is that you don’t love me enough. You watched me eat my own indomie without even crayfish and you just sat there now you want to eat yours with egg and sardines,” she replied and rolled her eyes.
“And you had to bring your family along?” he asked, referring to Naza and Chinecherem.
While he was complaining, Chinecherem had managed to divide the rest of the food into three equal parts and had eaten up two of those three parts. He had to chase her away and manage the rest. Then when ours came down from the fire, he had to join us.
“Ehe baby, remember tomorrow is 19th,” Chinaza told me. I had forgotten actually.
“What about 19th?” I asked.
“Your birthday naa, we need to make cake, cook food and dance and dance,” she replied jiggling her body. Another wahala. Where will the money for that one come from? I asked myself.
“Wow, Neche tomorrow is your birthday?” Shape asked with a broader than broad smile. I bet she was imagining the party for it. I nodded and sucked in my indomie.
“Ada we will invite a lot of girls too,” Willie added. Shape eyed him.
“What for?” she and Chinaza asked in unison.
“To help you make the cake,” he said and hissed. The girls hissed back.
“Look at their jealous faces, as if you don’t know that it’s girls that bring life to the party,” he said and hissed again. If the party was going to hold and we were going to play music, we sure needed some chics to dance since naza obviously can’t walk erect talk more of twerking to my taste.
“And we need food too, lots of fried rice,” Chinecherem said.
“And drinks too,” James added.
“Yea, and drinks,” Willie backed him up.
Chinaza stood up and threw her hands in the air, stopped low and shook her backside a little. It was dope in a way. Then she yelled,
“Yay! It’s my sweetheart’s birthday tomorrow and We gon party, yeah, we gon have a party!” she twisted Chris Brown’s “Party”. Everybody joined her except me. The party was on my pocket as well.
And here I was thinking she is incapacitated in terms of twerking. You guys should come and have a look at what she is doing. Singing My baby sweet o.
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