I busted into their house. That was actually my first time of visiting their home after I had Chinaza where she is now. I threw my greetings around like I was doing broadcast planting.
“Where is Naza?” I asked, surprised that everyone was so calm.
They all pointed up to her room.
“In her room?” I asked and they all shouted me upstairs. I was disturbing their movie.
I busted into her room and met her wiping blood from her hand. I rushed her and held her hand.
She slowly opened her hand to reveal a small knife cut in her palm.
“I cut my hand while peeling oranges.”
She was giving me a look that was expecting sympathy. I wished I knew how to hiss.
“This is why you called me out this night. Small injury like this?”
“No, come and finish peeling these oranges, I swear I will leak them.”
She was begging and she was beautiful. I kept wondering why a girl like her would stick around with a guy like me. Love took over and I was peeling oranges in no time. Then Davido’s “If” came up and I joined in. We were actually doing a duet.
“If I tell you say I love you o!!” I sang and she responded.
“My money, my bother na your own o baby!!” she sang in her sweet voice. I eyed her and nearly cut myself open.
“Naza respect yourself, which your body na my own?”
“What do you mean, is it not yours again?” she asked.
“The body that you have refused to allow me touch since this baby came up.”
Then my favorite part came up.
“No do no do, no do gra gra for me o.”
Fast forward to the “I go shook you shooku shooku part”, I sang it with all my heart and she switched off the music.
“See neche,” she said and held my arm. “every time is not for shooku shooku. At least relax and appreciate what you have. If you keep wanting to shook me, then I will have to start suspecting that you don’t actually love me, that you are only after my body.”
I dropped the orange and held her.
“That is not true naa, I love other part of you as well and you know it.”
“Then stop wanting to shook all the time. At least, you should be grateful that my family didn’t throw me out because of this pregnancy and we should take things easy small. See me here, I am not going anywhere, I love you and will always be around even though you keep messing up. I won’t go. I have taken enough shit from you to walk away.”
I was touched and for the first time in my life, I felt real guilty for cheating on her. I brought her closer and placed my lips on her forehead while I rubbed her belly, feeling the little bulge in there.
“Do you think it’s a girl?”
She smiled and looked at me.
“I want it to be a boy, I want to know what you looked like when you were born.”
I kissed her mouth and she held my lips with her teeth. I was able to Ignore her ass and boobs all those while. A miracle.
“Thank you for sticking with an arsehole like me, even though I have nothing to offer except my dick.”
She laughed and punched me playfully.
“You are not going home this night, You will stay here,” she was commanding, my opinion didn’t matter.
“And your people?” I asked.
“They are tired of fighting with me, they won’t bother us.”
I made my call to Willie and told him I was sleeping over at Naza’s. He was only too glad. He was going to eat my own share of the spaghetti my sister cooked.
I carried my baby and my baby in her to bed and dropped her gently. I locked the door and joined her. She placed her head on my chest.
For the first time, I appreciated what it felt like to sleep beside a girl I really loved and nothing happened. No shooking or any other thing.
I promise a lot of you would really enjoy this if you gave it a try but eventually not me. I love shooku shooku pass Davido.
I handed my list over to my father. He was of the opinion that it was the excess money that he was giving me that made me keep my girlfriend in my lodge and be getting her pregnant anyhow. So he decided I was going to break every expenses down on paper, that way I won’t have change to feed any girl. “Excess money”, Imagine.
“What do you need 6 packs of toilet rolls for? Do you run a public toilet?” he asked me, observing me over the rims of his eyeglasses.
“And see this one, 2 towels? What for?”
“Dad, it’s for the remaining 3 years I have in school.”
“So you want to use 2 towels over a period of 3 years, so that you will come and be spreading disease everywhere?”
Hian, daddy sef.
“One carton of Indomie,” he read out. “Where do you even get the strength to be impregnating girls when all you eat is indomie?”
Willie who was busy with his laptop and had headphones over his head giggled, That MOTHERFUCKER!
“Papa Willie!” my mom yelled and eyed him. He hissed and continued.
“And look at this one, he can’t even spell knickers,” he said and shot me his eyes again.
“Which one?” I asked, going closer to take a peep at the list.
“Ar ar, Daddy is sneakers nah not knickers.”
“What is sneakers?”
“A types of shoe.”
He shook his head and continued, if only he would just give me the money and fuck the list. It reminded me of my elder sister’s days in the dormitory. She would bring him her list and he will be like.
“Why 5 sanirary pads? Are you marketing them in school?” and when she decides to save herself the interview and remove sanitary pads from the list, he would be like.
“Why no pads? Come Oluchukwu Rita, are you pregnant?”
And my mom will always be there to intervene but my popsy no send anybody.
“And you should include condoms in this list because I am now afraid of you, Chinecherem, your fear is catching me.”
And after everything, he broke the whole expenses into 2. My father never liked maths and he hardly stressed us each time we flunked in any maths exam. My mom will be scolding and he would just be like.
“Leave this Children, how many times have you applied X and Y in that your small office? If he knows how many 500 nairas can give him 1 million, he is ok, that is the basic thing.” My mother will only shake her head.
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So when it came to money, Chike Obi has nothing on my Popsy.
He divided my 21,525 naira into 2 and divided one part into 2 again. He added a half of the whole money to one part of the the other divided half and gave me 16,145. He probably knew I wasn’t going to buy one quarter of those things on that list. So I was still rich anyway.
“Ehe willie, when are you going back or have they expelled you?” he asked my brother.
“Daddy nooo, I’m going back next week.”
“It’s your last semester in that school, so you won’t buy anything naa.”
“No sir, I’m not buying anything, it’s just that I need small money to fix some things.”
“I know, you are always needing money, how much?”
“Just 50k,” he said with a wide grin.
“Are you mad? Did you put JUST before that 50k?”
My father actually removed his lenses to ask him if he was mad. It was my turn to giggle at him.
“Daddy no, I mean It’s only 50k that I need. Nothing else.”
“What are you even doing with that type of money? Are you sorting your VC?”
“Daddy noo, We are, I mean my department people, we are hosting a graduation part and I need a pair of tuxedos to shine dad. You know it’s once in a life time.” he was grinning ear to ear again.
“Party kwa? Are you graduating from Quilox that you will each contribute 50k for it?”
“What is Quilox?” My mother asked.
“A Church in Onitsha,” My father replied so casually, I would have believed him if I didn’t know what Quilox is. My mother only nodded and continued pressing her phone.
“Daddy, the money is for tuxedo, party and other things.”
“I don’t even understand the language you are speaking, maybe when the sun reduces, I will understand,” my father said and ran into his room before Willie will remember any other dues.
I cat walked into Naza’s room and met her kneeling on her bed, saying the divine mercy prayer. A miracle. I was going to slowly sneak out of the room before she caught me. She didn’t talk. She just pointed at the floor beside her. I can’t argue, I just jejely joined her. Luckily enough, she was rounding up. Her mother peeped into the room and saw us. I was able to notice the smile on her face. Yepaa, I have scored a positive point on her score card.
“So by what time are we leaving?” she asked after the prayer.
“I hope your lodge mates would be back by then, that your logde that looks like graveyard.”
“See, I want to buy some things,” I said, standing up.
“Come first before you go.”
She held my hand and I was expecting her to order for fried rice or any other impossible food. She eyed me with a wicked smile on her face
“Don’t worry, I just want you to rub your baby’s head.”
I smiled and stroke her belly. The bulge was still small. I kissed her forehead and turned to go.
“Peel those oranges for me before you go.”
My father dropped us at the park and made sure we both took different buses back to school. One going to Anambra State University and the other going to unizik. He needed no further stories. He even bought our tickets with his money. My brother was just spicing my anger with laughter. I swear he would have followed my bus to my school if he didn’t have an appointment.
As I dragged my bag into my my lodge, James wasn’t back yet but shape and her sister was. Even Chinaza was already chatting away with Shape in my room. That girl is a magician.