Chinaza came to my lodge looking so unlike her, her fair robust body was tanned in an unsexy way and she seemed to have lost some flesh. I was just watching her as she came into my room, too dumbfounded to even welcome her.
She came and stood staring at me, we stared at each other for sometime before she walked up to me on the bed and dropped herself on my laps.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked me.
“I just noticed that you look like Roseline.”
Roseline was their very slim fitted house girl, not that she wasn’t fine, in fact the slim fit was actually good on her just that I am so much into asses.
“Really? Is that a good thing?” she asked looking at me.
“Naza, there is nothing good about it, if I wanted to date a tiny girl I would be with your house girl, not you, in short sit down first. I’m coming.”
She sat on the bed and I went outside in search of shape and James. I badged into shapes room and met her in her bras and pants. If she wasn’t a virgin, I would have been thanking God her sister wasn’t around.
“Dress up and follow me,” I commanded and she eyed me suspiciously, not minding her outfit and my constant stares at her well rounded ass and boobs.
“Wear something first or can you follow me like that?”
She rolled her eyes at me and flipped on her gown. We went into James room and he was snoring away his life. I beat him up and dragged him along with Shape to my room.
Chinaza stared at us curiously as we came in. I made them stand and observe her for sometime, glances were flying from everywhere to me.
“Can’t you guys see?” I shouted in frustration.
“See what?” Shape asked staring at me.
“Oh, Naza came, we can see that,” James replied, scratching his head.
“Guy don’t be silly, can’t you see how thin she is looking.”
James searched her with his eyes and nodded.
“Yes, maybe she wants to be a model.”
Shape was entirely indifferent. Chinaza made me sit beside her on the bed. James left while shape joined us on the bed. I was preparing for a wonderful 3some in my mind but got something else. Something I didn’t like one bit.
“Chi something happened.”
That was shape talking to me like I just lost my wife and she was loaded with the burden of giving me the news, well, Naza was there so obviously, I hadn’t lost my wife. Lol
“What happened?” I asked, sharing glances between her and Naza.
“It’s chinaza, she fell sick last month, that was before her birthday.”
“Why didn’t she say that when we came for the party?” I asked trying to hide the fear that was cropping up in my mind, I was hoping and praying fervently that she didn’t have HIV.
“Because it wasn’t serious then, so telling you was unnecessary,” Naza replied in a way that spooked me seriously, you should see the look on her face, real scary.
“So now what? Do you have HIV?” I asked and she shot me a glance.
“No I don’t,” she retorted and eyed me suspiciously ” Chinecherem, do you have?”
“Of course not, where will I get it when you don’t have.”
“Well, She went to the hospital, I followed her actually,” shape continued.
“Ehee,” I was getting impatient.
“And tests were done,” shape said slowly, my suspension reaching it’s zenith. Does she have cancer? If so, I was hoping it wasn’t cancer of the pussy or breast.
“I am pregnant,” Chinaza cried out eventually. If she had said cancer of the pussy and breast at the same time, I would have preferred it.
My mind rushed back to the previous year, yea, when we all fell sick and she came back with the pregnancy joke. My mind clicked, yea, the date was April 5th. I smiled and looked at the two of them. I caught them in time. My racing heart slowed down a bit.
“Baby, it’s April 5th today, your joke came late,” I said, grabbing her hand, she flipped my hands away and sniffed.
“I am not joking, I am pregnant, fucking pregnant Chinecherem.”
Like she was crying and her beautiful light face was red. She obviously wasn’t joking so the April fool thing was a sham.
Jeez, I didn’t even know when I asked her that, the look she gave me was out of this world. I half prayed for her to say it’s James or Shape, YES! Shape!! anybody but me!!!
“Don’t you dare ask me that again,” she almost yelled out. Obviously, it was me. The room went dark and my head was spinning 360 degrees, I could hear Nigerian police siren blasting in my ear, my right ear only, my left ear wasn’t even hearing any sound.
I stood up from the bed and made my way to James room. I didn’t even know how I managed to get there because I wasn’t even seeing the road at all.
“Guy what’s up?” James asked as I walked in, he was leaning over his plate of over soaked garri.
“I don’t know guy, Shape and.. and Chinaza, they are in my room,” I was stuttering as I spoke.
“Yes, I know they are in your room, what happened? Are they doing lezzy?”
“No, Naza was saying something, errm, she was saying something about something, James I don’t know,” I Stopped and took a deep breath while James watched me like I was doing a Basket Mouth something.
“Just go in there and find out what Naza was saying, then come back and tell me because I didn’t even understand what she told me.”
“Ok, I will go, but don’t touch my garri,” he warned and left, if only he knew that the garri looked like shit to me at that moment.
I crashed on the bed and gazed at the roof. My mother’s favorite advice to my brother and I was banging hard against my head.
“Umu m, any man that a woman doesn’t kill will surely live out his God allotted time on earth.”
But It’s Chinaza, my only true Love, she can’t kill me.
My head was popping like pop corns as I sat there, imagining how I will break the news to my people.
My Mom will just shout the living daylight out of me. I don’t know what my father will do.
James came back looking more confused than I was.
“Guy what was she saying?” I asked him.
“That she is pregnant for you and she wasn’t joking o.”
“Guy is that even possible? I mean are you sure I am not impotent?”
Anything that would null and void the possibility of my being the owner of the pregnancy was welcomed. James just looked at me like I was going mad.
“Wetin you mean, guy you are potent in Jesus name.”
“Amen but guy, do you think the something is mine?”
” It should be naa, I think you are the only one fucking her.”
We both sat on the bed, staring away.
“Maybe you should call Williams,” James suggested and I nodded, that was the most coded thing to do.
“I have to get my phone, it’s in my room.”
I opened the curtains to my room and peeped in, I was obviously expecting Naza to grin at me and say it was all a prank but she didn’t, she was sitting on the bed with Shape, staring at the TV, she had stopped crying.
“What do you want to do now?” I asked her as I got to her on the bed. She looked at me and shook her head.
“I don’t know.”
I stared at her for a few seconds, she returned my stares and her countenance changed.
“No way, I am not aborting him.”
I was yet to find out how she keeps reading my mind through my eyes.
“I wasn’t saying that.”
“But you were thinking it, please I won’t abort him.”
“Him? You already know it’s a boy?”
Something was telling me that she was enjoying the whole pregnant something. Shape was having the laugh of her life at the side.
She just let out a weak smile and threw herself into my hands while I called Williams.
“Hello, young man, how are you?” Willy bassed into my ears.
“Guy I no dy, you fit enter my lodge?”
“Ermm, wetin happen, you give woman belle?”
That was funny.
“Yes, I give woman belle, abeg come tomorrow.”
He laughed, he probably thought I was joking.
“See you and your impotent prick, I dy come tomorrow.”
We dropped the phone and I wished I was impotent. Lol.
My brother looked even more confused than James was the day I was mumbling about what Naza told me. The look on Willy’s face was to die for, as in, it can kill you. If not for the cute face and the neat beards, you would have called him an imbecile.
“What are you even saying? That Chinaza is sick and went to the hospital, so? She is here naa and she is not dead.”
“Bro I am trying to say that she is pregnant,” I said and expected him to place both his hands on his head. He merely smiled.
“Congratulations dear,” he was referring to Chinaza. “I hope the guy responsible is going to marry you before the sign turns up.”
Chinaza merely shook her head, she knew Willy was a clown most of the time.
“Bro, the baby is mine,” I said it slowly, avoiding eye contact. The whole room went silent. For about 5 seconds nobody spoke.
I thought my brother was burning me up with his eyes only to look up and see him staring sheepishly at shape who was at the door. I just weak for my family.
I slapped his knee and he turned to me sharply.
“What were you saying?”
“I was saying that Chinaza is pregnant for me and that girl at the door is a virgin.”
His eyes bulged, I didn’t know what made them bulge, whether it was the pregnancy or the Virgin ish. Unwanted pregnancy to Willie was bad news and hooking up with a Virgin was worst. He refers to it as a worthless relationship.
Chinaza stood up and left with Shape. Willie was just engaged in an eye contest with me.
“Jeez, Chex, I have been in this game for 100 years before they gave birth to you and yet no fuck ups, how could you have been so careless?”
“I don’t know o bro. It just happened, I don’t even know what to do.”
He was giving me that look that unlocks the tear gland in a man, the look that usually says, “Bro you fuck up and you are finished at the same time”.
“What do we do now?” I I asked and he pulled closer to me on the bed.
“Did you tell her of abortion?”
I looked at him and shook my head.
“She didn’t even wait for the suggestion, she just change am for me when she suspected that I will bring it up.”
“Guy serious fuck up.”
“Yea, Dad will just throw me over the balcony,” I murmured, shedding internal tears.
“No he won’t,” he replied.
“Yea, he said he no longer needs stress with his children.”
“Thank God,” I said and heaved a sigh of relief.
“Yes, he is only going to shoot you, he just bought a pump action.”
Willie was wicked in a sort, he just dropped it casually like shooting someone was the same thing as flogging him.
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“See what we are going to do now,” he started and I paid rapt attention, hoping he wasn’t going to misyarn.
“We will go to Dad’s office.”
“Listen now, abi do you prefer going home first where both him and mom will jointly roast you like roadside maize?”
I shook my head, I had better go with his plan, he was the next man after my father and I believed he controlled some authority.
“We will settle with dad, then we get home, he can help us fix mum.”
“Yea, you made sense.”
I always knew Willie was a great asset.
“We will talk to Rita too, she will help us.”
“Rita will Finish me naa,” I protested.
“Yes but she will also help, just relax, you only got her pregnant, you didn’t kill her.”
I fell back on the bed and hissed. I knew pussy was going to kill me one day but I never expected it to be Chinaza’s own.
“So when are we going to see Dad?” I asked getting up from the bed.
“After I get this girl that just left with Naza.”
He was devouring the only star in my fridge.
“She is a virgin bro.”
He smiled at me and nodded.
“I have readjusted my standards, I am the new Isreal.”
He nodded again and smiled.
“I will tear down that wall of Jericho.”
I sighed and fell back on the bed. The next picture on my mind was me and shape on the bed after Willie must have opened her. Jeez, I swear I will be the worst father on earth.
He stood up from the chair and walked outside, probably after shape. He hadn’t been gone for more than 30 seconds before Chinaza bursted into my room, holding his hand, against his wish.
“Are you guys done?” she asked me as I stared at them. I nodded and she made Willie take a sit.
“Now, lets discuss about my own issue.”
“What issue?” Willie asked.
“My family, how will I tell them about it?”
“It’s very easy, you just walk up to them and yarn them what’s up.”
That was Williams.
“Maybe you should help me, I will appreciate,” Chinaza replied him, rolling her eyes.
“Have you told Chinelo?” I asked and she nodded.
“I told her when the result came out.”
“What did she say?”
“That I am finished,” she answered casually. I had almost forgotten about her parents.
“Fine, I will be there, maybe tomorrow, we will move from dad’s office to your dad’s.” I said and she put down her head, sobbing without tears.
“What now?” I asked.
“God I am finished. My Mom thinks I am still a virgin.”
I don’t know why I didn’t laugh at that, it was damn funny.
Williams took us out in the evening, Me, Chinaza, James and Shape. Somehow, my brother meandered his way into shapes cubicle, shape was all over him in the end. That boy is a magician. It was at the peak of the moment that I learnt Shape’s real name was Chinaza.
I am as amazed as you are.
For a moment, everything seemed normal, Chinaza’s pregnancy was thrown to the background while we had the fun of our lives. Willie had come with mom’s car and so it was a little high key.
I spent the rest of the night prophesying my undying love for Chinaza. I was drunk and high but she wouldn’t bulge, she needed no second pregnancy and when the chips were down. It turned out that Shape was never a virgin, maybe her asshole is still sealed but her pussy was as open as the temple.
I was only pained at what I had missed for almost a year.