A Lawyer's Conversation With God Part 2

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Following the refusal to grant him bail, Lawyer was taken to a detention center in heaven where he shockingly meets someone he was not expecting to be in such a place. True to his nature, he further gets himself into more troubles.

SETTING: A Detention center in Heaven

CAST: Lawyer, Angel and SAN
(An Angel escorts Lawyer to a detention center)

Angel: You will be kept here pending the next adjourned date. Everything you need has already been provided inside, we only advise that you be of good behavior in there.

Lawyer I will rather advise that you watch how you talk to me Mr Angel. Don’t even be fooled by the name “Angel”, because that’s just a trick to make you feel good; for you are only a glorified servant.

Angel: Your mouth will be your undoing.I will see you on the next adjourned date. (Exits)

Lawyer: (screaming) How am I supposed to make adequate preparation for my trial under this kind of environment. No books, no law reports; and you tell me to expect justice here? Anyway, I think I’ve got ground one for my Appeal- accused was not given adequate time and materials to defend himself .

SAN: There is no court of appeal here.

Lawyer: ( Jumps on his feet) Holy shit! Learned silk! You almost scared me to death . What are you doing here?

SAN: I’m standing trial.

Lawyer: Trial for what?

SAN: The charges are innumerable.

Lawyer: You were a knight down there, how come you are facing innumerable charges up here?

SAN: No need of crying over spilled milk, the game is up.

Lawyer: No you don’t have to say that. Now that I’m here, we are going to form a partnership and fight our way through this. You know I have always dreamed of working with you, and here comes the opportunity. We can do it together.

SAN:There is nothing to be done.I have already pleaded guilty to all the charges.

Lawyer: Holy crap! You did what?

SAN: You better mind your language here, else you will be compounding your problem.

Lawyer: With due respect sir, I think you are a disappointment to the legal profession.

SAN: I think you are highly delusional. You think this is some kind of a joke or what?

Lawyer: I knew it. I have always known that you never deserved to be made SAN. You are one of those who wriggled their way to the rank through their godfathers.

SAN: How dare you? How dare you talk to me like that. Do you know I can sue you for such slanderous accusation?

Lawyer: How can you sue me when you are going to prison? You’ve already pleaded guilty to innumerable charges, and who knows how long you going to spend in prison.

SAN: ( Raising his voice) You son of an infidel!

Lawyer: You better watch your language else you will be compounding your already innumerable charges

Angel:( Shouting from outside) Didn’t I warn you not to make troubles in there learned one?

Lawyer: What an impartial judge you are to know from outside that I’m the one making trouble.

SAN:They were able to see and hear us when we were down there, how much more now that we are up here. Don’t you get it? It’s the end! It’s over !

Lawyer: You mean you actually pleaded guilty?

SAN: Of course I did. What options did I have?

Lawyer: Options? This is not the learned silk I’ve always known. What happened to you? What did they do to you ? They tortured you? They must have tortured you. I can file an action for the enforcement of your fundamental human right against torture, just give me the details.

SAN: Torture? In heaven?

Lawyer: Yes of course! Don’t even try to paint the picture of heaven being a perfect place, because it’s not. How else do you explain the refusal to grant me bail even when it’s my right ?

SAN: You really think I had options and that I shouldn’t have pleaded guilty?

Lawyer: Of course. Have you forgotten how we do it down there, even if one is guilty? Raise preliminary objections, file frivolous applications, adjournments upon adjournments…

SAN: (Interjects) This is not down there, this is up here! How is that so hard for you to understand ?

Lawyer: That’s exactly my point. Don’t you get it?  All we were doing down there was in preparation for this. We were all rehearsing for a time like this. This is the greatest legal battle ever that we’ve been preparing for down there as lawyers.

SAN: Really?

Lawyer: All those theatrics we were displaying in court are all child’s play compared to what is about to happen here .We were only sharpening our legal skills so that when we finally get here, we will prove our mettle. But look at what you just did,you just blew it.

SAN: Oh my God! How come I didn’t know this?

Lawyer: I’m really surprised. You were a knight in your church, but yet you lacked the light, and now you are doomed for the night .

SAN: Be gentle on my soul with your words learned friend that I may not die before my death.

Lawyer: Let not thy soul be troubled learned silk, for all hope is not lost.

SAN: Speak! Speak that my soul may come alive.

Lawyer: This court lacks the jurisdiction to try us. We can’t be tried here for offences that were allegedly committed on earth. They can only extradite us to earth to be tried down there and not here.

SAN: Extradite? Something doesn’t just add up with this your position.

Lawyer: Have you forgotten I have my masters in international law? I was even involved in Buruji Kashamu’s extradition case before I was abruptly brought here! So I know what I’m talking about.

SAN: “The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof”. Haven’t you come across that provision of the bible before? To the extent of that provision, I believe we can be tried here. Sorry I can’t remember the particular section, but I will supply you the citation later.

Lawyer: Don’t be naive sir. We are talking about laws here, and you are quoting a religious book. With all the knowledge of the bible you had,what did you get in return? Innumerable charges!

SAN: That’s the law applicable here. It’s not just a religious book, it’s the constitution over here.

Lawyer: We are not bound by it!

SAN: We are!

Lawyer: We are not!

SAN: You are wrong! You are trying to deceive me! Get behind me devil! I was deceived down there, but I won’t be deceived up here.

Lawyer: You’ve been brainwashed. What fate awaits you now?

SAN: My matter was adjourned for judgement. I know I will be convicted, but I intend to plead for mercy, and see if I could get a light sentence.

Lawyer: (laughs) Light sentence? Never!

SAN : I have good grounds to plead for mercy.

Lawyer: And what are they?

SAN: I’m a first time offender. I have no record of past criminal conviction. This will be my first conviction. Also, I’m remorseful for my wrongs. And I have three wives and sixteen children that are dependent on me for their livelihood down there.

Lawyer: It won’t sell. I’m pretty sure about that. You remember the case of the rich man and his servant? The rich man, after his conviction, made a similar plea. In fact, his plea was just to go and deliver a message to his brothers and then come back to serve his sentence,and it was blatantly refused.

SAN: My case is distinguishable from the rich man’s case. Away with your negativity!

Lawyer: You are doomed!

SAN: Do you really think you stand a chance against God?

Lawyer: He wouldn’t have allowed me to defend myself if I don’t stand a chance. The fact that he did means I have a chance. And I am not going to blow it like you did.

SAN: (shouting) Away with this infidel. I rebuke you! Get behind me devil! Away with him.

(Enters an Angel)

Angel: I cautioned you learned one not to make troubles here, but you couldn’t just  help it. I’m going to take you out of here, and put you in a solitary cell. It seems you will be better off without a companion.

Lawyer: Perfect! That’s exactly what I need. Take me to a solitary place that I may find requisite time and space that this occasion demands. Away with me to a solitary place, but be rest assured that I will be back to face the trinity.

Angel: How dare you talk about the trinity like that? If only I can act on my own accord, you would have been dead in this second

Lawyer: And you would have been facing extra-judicial killing charges the next minute .

Angel: Your mouth will be your undoing

SAN: Take him away! Take him away!

(Exits the Angel and Lawyer)

To be continued…….

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